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Free Flu Shots (Satire)
10/16/19 | RetiredTexasVet

Posted on 10/16/2019 8:27:43 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet

Due to a settlement with the CDC, FDA and the Surgeon General, you will be able to buy one flu shot for the regular $35 price and get four more shots in future years for free.

The agencies argued in court that the flu shots were never more than 20% effective, therefore the consumer should get 80% more value for their money. The flu vaccine companies agreed to provide the additional value in the form of four more free future flu shots. After purchasing and receiving the first flu shot, consumers will be provided with a voucher for the four free shots.

Additionally, it was agreed to that if the consumer contracted the flu after receiving flu shot, they would be entitled to their choice of a free measles, mumps, whooping cough, TB, or STD antibotic shot plus a bonus certificate for 10% off a retail purchase of MS Word or Excel.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Health/Medicine; Humor
KEYWORDS: sarcasm; satire; scorn

1 posted on 10/16/2019 8:27:43 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet
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To: RetiredTexasVet
plus a bonus certificate for 10% off a retail purchase of MS Word or Excel...

Should at least be something more useful as a bonus. Like a toaster, or an iron (like when I used to open a bank account).

2 posted on 10/16/2019 8:40:06 PM PDT by C210N (If you dislike productive billionaires, be 1,000 times more suspect of one confiscatory trillionaire)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

I could get a free VD shot? I assume someone to contract VD from will be provided as well? If so please provide picture .


3 posted on 10/16/2019 8:40:29 PM PDT by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (TRUMP TRAIN !!! Get the hell out of the way if you are not on yet because we don't stop for idiots)
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To: RetiredTexasVet
plus a bonus certificate for 10% off a retail purchase of MS Word or Excel.

I got a class action settlement against MS for some Office products I bought.

it was like 10¢ off my next microsh!t software.


4 posted on 10/16/2019 8:48:25 PM PDT by 867V309 (Lock Her Up)
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To: C210N

The vaccine industry is evil. Not just profit obsessed

They’ll run over bodies and say it’s for their men good


5 posted on 10/16/2019 8:59:50 PM PDT by Truthoverpower (The guvmint you get is the Trump winning express !)
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To: RetiredTexasVet
In 1995 they set the limit on how much you can get compensated at that time it was limited to $750,000. After 2009 it was set at $250,000 and far more strict rules to prove you case.

6 posted on 10/16/2019 10:03:50 PM PDT by Steve Van Doorn (*in my best Eric Cartman voice* 'I love you, guys')
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To: RetiredTexasVet

There are some very technical reasons why the flu shots vary so widely in efficacy.

That said, your chances of serious illness are decreased even if the shot is not 100% effective against all three or four strains of flu it contains. That is, if you get sick with a strain of H3N2 that is very similar to the H3N2 vaccine that was in the shot, your illness will be shorter and less severe than if you had not had the shot.

I am not sure if I can get the shot this year due to health reasons. Thus, my ability to avoid the flu is dependent on how many people around me get the flu shot. I’ve been telling people that I will barricade myself in my office and let no one in when flu season hits.

Tens of thousands of people in the US die from flu every year. It is not a minor illness.


7 posted on 10/17/2019 4:29:44 AM PDT by exDemMom (Current visual of the hole the US continues to dig itself into: http://www.usdebtclock.org)
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To: exDemMom

You go right on ahead and get your flu shot, I have had my last.

I was in great health and had been losing weight to the point I was within 10 lbs of my goal.

On October 22 last year, I got the flu shot.
Within an hour, the bursitis in BOTH shoulders was acting up.
Within 6 hours, my knees hurt too.
Then I got a feeling of general malaise.

Two days after the shot, and everything tasted like crap. The next day, I had gingivitis.

In the last year, I have gained over 35 lbs.

While correlation is most emphatically not causation, I do find my personal adventure somewhat unusual.

One or two simultaneous changes are not a big deal, but when there are this many, every one of which appears to have its origin from the same specific referenced event I really think a much closer look is in order.

Of course, the quacks and dentist all say there cannot be a connection.

I’m living it, they have their training...


8 posted on 10/17/2019 11:54:04 AM PDT by Don W (When blacks riot, neighbourhoods and cities burn. When whites riot, nations and continents burn.)
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To: exDemMom

I agree with most of what you said except the tens of thousands die from flu each year. The “official death count” spread by the Marxist State Media was 700,000 last year. That figure included people who did not get a flu shot and were killed in car accidents, jaywalking, drowning, drive by shootings, heart attacks, etc. but were counted as dying from the flu.


9 posted on 10/17/2019 2:25:19 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet
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To: RetiredTexasVet

I have not heard that number anywhere. The CDC estimated about 80,000 flu deaths last year, definitely higher than usual. The number you gave sounds like it might be a worldwide number of influenza deaths, not a US number.

About 2.4 million people die of all causes in the US each year.


10 posted on 10/17/2019 4:03:41 PM PDT by exDemMom (Current visual of the hole the US continues to dig itself into: http://www.usdebtclock.org)
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To: Don W
The next day, I had gingivitis.

You don't contract gingivitis over night. That's like telling your wife you caught gonorrhea from a toilet seat.

It's caused by long term lack of proper oral hygiene........Specifically, poor brushing habits and lack of regular dental office cleanings leading to plaque formation. Followed by tartar build up over the plaque and spreading under the gums then end game of gingivitis...........

So my advice to you is, brush your teeth and see your dentist twice a year...........LOL!

11 posted on 10/17/2019 4:23:25 PM PDT by Hot Tabasco (I'm in the cleaning business.......I launder money)
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To: Hot Tabasco

Well, my previous cleanings (every 3 months for the last 15 or so years) didn’t detect it, but I will bow to your much superior knowledge. I must be terrible at brushing my teeth.

Kiss my hairy posterior, FRiend.


12 posted on 10/17/2019 4:41:59 PM PDT by Don W (When blacks riot, neighbourhoods and cities burn. When whites riot, nations and continents burn.)
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To: Don W
Kiss my hairy posterior,

Is that the area with or without a nose?

13 posted on 10/17/2019 4:43:33 PM PDT by Hot Tabasco (I'm in the cleaning business.......I launder money)
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To: Hot Tabasco

Your reading skills seem lacking.

I didn’t say I got gingivitis the day after the shot. Read the timeline
S_L_O_W_L_Y.

It took about four days for the full fury of my body’s reaction to the shot to take effect. The gingivitis was one of the last things to arise, likely triggered by inflammation somehow related to all the other crap in the shot. It was quite a surprise to my hygienist, and it was her boss that sent me to the periodontist.

That’s a tail, not a nose ;)


14 posted on 10/17/2019 4:52:32 PM PDT by Don W (When blacks riot, neighbourhoods and cities burn. When whites riot, nations and continents burn.)
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To: exDemMom

“the CDC estimated about 80,000 flu deaths last year...”

Even if I would agree that the “official number” was less than the media touted 700,000 I would have serious doubts about the “CDC estimated” 80,000. The CDC is supposed to be a scientific based organization and can only come up with estimates? Like the EPA finding 2 birds dead as a result of flying into wind turbines and then extrapolating for a total of 50,000,000 dying in California.


15 posted on 10/17/2019 5:31:18 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Influenza is not a reportable disease, except in children. So the CDC does not have exact numbers. However, a sufficient number of hospitals and labs report influenza numbers that the CDC can extrapolate the known cases to the unknown to estimate a case number.

The CDC does collect death certificate data and keeps records on every death. Many deaths are recorded as ILI, or influenza like illness, and a certain number of influenza deaths result from secondary causes, such as pneumonia that the person developed as a consequence of influenza.

Much of medical science is based on statistical estimations. I’m comfortable with it, because I’ve spent my career in medical science. (No, I can’t diagnose anything, I’m not that kind of doctor.)


16 posted on 10/17/2019 6:46:10 PM PDT by exDemMom (Current visual of the hole the US continues to dig itself into: http://www.usdebtclock.org)
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