Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho!
Oddly, nothing has to go!
photo: Steve Mudflap McGrew
Posted on 04/25/2019 3:31:25 AM PDT by servo1969
SEATTLE (AP) - In a startling turn of events, local liberal man Ethan Harrison reported that he recently went 24 straight hours without once being offended. "Like most people in my generation," explained Harrison, "I'm very sensitive to the outrages and injustices of Trump's America. I care deeply about things, and I respect everyone's right to hear about my caring. Usually at top volume, since I'm also sensitive to the needs of both the deaf AND hard-of-hearing communities."
"But nothing was normal yesterday," said Harrison, pausing to tug at the skinny jeans he favored but didn't fit the description for. "I stopped at Starbucks for my triple venti soy no-foam latte, when I noticed that one of the scones was made with blueberries that were organic, sustainable, and locally sourced, but WEREN'T fair trade. But before I could smash the display case with my Birkenstock and call the barista a Nazi, I noticed the string of homeless guys lined up to use the bathroom to the exclusion of paying customers, and I felt like 'Hey! Social justice is winning!' and then the smashy urge just dissolved, like phoot!"
"That doesn't usually happen without a protest sign and a bloody MAGA hat," Harrison mused.
"Anyway," continued Harrison, "the rest of the day, nothing even came close to triggering me. No Trump tweets, Fox news, gender bias, fat-shaming, trans-phobia, gun shows, plastic straws, border walls, toxic masculinity, assault rifles, greed, capitalism, billionaires, or GMO arugula. It was weird. All day long I was plagued by a bizarre feeling like I was floating on a calm blue ocean. I told my doctor it felt like... inner peace... except without the loud caring. Very troubling."
A phone call to the hospital put us in touch with Doctor William Hartnell, who explained that he had treated Harrison for a concussion due to blunt-force head trauma. "Apparently one of those Starbucks homeless guys hit him over the head with a chair and stole his Birkenstocks."
Dr. Hartnell explained that consequently, Harrison had been in a coma all day and may not have been connected to reality.
"So, basically, normal day," said Hartnell.
Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho!
Oddly, nothing has to go!
photo: Steve Mudflap McGrew
Well, it is everyone’s state-given right not to be offended. That’s the way the Constitution should read, anyway, if it wasn’t an obsolete piece of paper written by old white people.
Hahahaha...that was pretty good!
Whenever I worry about the job market for my children, I realize this is the competition and take comfort. Our enemies in the future civil war won’t make very good soldiers...
“Our enemies in the future civil war won’t make very good soldiers...”
This civil war is about taking social media by storm, not Vicksburg.
Not judging by how they attempted to disrupt Trump rallies...
I am offended that THEY aren’t offended.
they were paid to do that.
Will many of them riot for free?
They’ve become a mockery; they are the only ones taking themselves seriously. Flyover country ignores or despises them.
Regardless, they are a weak foe overall. If the media didn’t push them in your face as useful idiots, you’d never see them.
LOL!
>>> and I respect everyone’s right to hear about my caring <<<
This putz needs deployed to Afghanistan.
“Our enemies in the future civil war won’t make very good soldiers...”
Agreed. Emasculated pansies don’t make good soldiers. They are a shameful disgrace to the human race, yet they think pretty much of the opposite of that.
However, considering about half our youngh males are like this, if we get into a war with another nation, say Russia or China, the state of our own military will suffer badly as those wastes of human flesh would be counter productive if drafted.
I’ve told my kids the very same thing for years.
A day without offending a progressive is a day without sunshine
Reclaim the language....... offend a progressive
“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt
“Exaggerated sensitiveness is an expression of the feeling of inferiority.”
-Alfred Adler
my 46 year old nephew in a nutshell.
I must admit to occasional smashy urges myself... ;’}
LOL! Perfect.
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