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Aphorisms
email | 2/11/2019 | unknown

Posted on 02/11/2019 2:53:38 AM PST by sodpoodle

I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross

the street to vote.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Money talks. but all mine ever says is good-bye.

You're not fat, you're just easier to see.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?

I can't understand why women are OK that JC Penney has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks!

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking

like a mental patient

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T . Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.

The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk. Think on that one for a minute!


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: funny
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To: sodpoodle
I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.

Point taken regarding the uneven number but the correct grammar would be 4,153,237 people got married last year.

21 posted on 02/11/2019 12:28:59 PM PST by MosesKnows
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To: sodpoodle

Odd how you put your garments into a suitcase but your suits into a garment bag.


22 posted on 02/11/2019 1:08:49 PM PST by DNME (The only solution to a BAD guy with a gun is a GOOD guy with a gun.)
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To: sodpoodle
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T . Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.

Charlene Darling was married to Dud Wash.

23 posted on 02/11/2019 1:13:12 PM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (If you are going to be baked by a witch you might as well go out with a mouth full of gingerbread!)
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To: red-dawg

“I lived alone for twenty years before I met her and found out that I had been loading the dishwasher wrong all that time.”

That’s funny. I rearrange the dishwasher after DH loads it. If we did it his way, it would run three times for only once when I load it.


24 posted on 02/11/2019 1:14:50 PM PST by MayflowerMadam (Jeremiah 1:5 - "Before I formed thee ... I knew thee.")
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