Assault banana
Colonel (Graham Chapman): Right. Carry on Sergeant Major!
Sergeant (John Cleese, shouting throughout): Right sir! Good evening, class.
All (mumbling): Good evening.
Sargeant: Where's all the others, then?
All: They're not here.
Sgt.: I can see that. What's the matter with them?
All: Dunno.
Chapman (member of class): Perhaps they've got 'flu.
Sgt.: Huh! 'Flu, eh? They should eat more fresh fruit. Ha. Right. Now, self-defence. Tonight I shall be carrying on from where we got to last week when I was showing you how to defend yourselves against anyone who attacks you with armed with a piece of fresh fruit.
(Grumbles from all)
Palin: Oh, you promised you wouldn't do fruit this week.
Sgt.: What do you mean?
Jones: We've done fruit the last nine weeks.
Sgt.: What's wrong with fruit? You think you know it all, eh?
Palin: Can't we do something else for a change?
Idle (Welsh): Like someone who attacks you with a pointed stick?
Sgt.: Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I'll tell you something my lad. When you're walking home tonight and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit...
All: We done the passion fruit.
Sgt.: What?
Chapman: We done the passion fruit.
Palin: We done oranges, apples, grapefruit...
Jones: Whole and segments.
Palin: Pomegranates, greengages...
Chapman: Grapes, passion fruit...
Palin: Lemons...
Jones: Plums...
Chapman: Mangoes in syrup...
Sgt.: How about cherries?
All: We did them.
Sgt.: Red *and* black?
All: Yes!
Sgt.: All right then, bananas.
(All sigh.)
Sgt.: We haven't done them, have we? Right. Bananas. How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. Now you, come at me with this banana. Catch! Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless.
What are they going to charge him with? Assault and bananary?
He did not spend any time evaluating his choice of weapons. Typical liberal hysterics.
I hear he will a peel his conviction...
He must have been brandishing some of those green bananas!
If judged guilty, he plans to A-peel.
It was probably loaded with potassium.
Did he harvest the banana too?
And Nazi Pelosi’s daughter told CNN that her mother could cut your head off and you would not even feel blood. Seems like we are letting the bad ones get away.
Was his “banana” hard or soft?
I dunno, in San Fagsicko, assault with a banana might be seen as sex play between consenting perverts?
I’ll bet the banana didn’t do much to him but I’m all for a scumbag getting arrested and charged.
Assault banana
Is that a banana in your pants or are you just wishing me a happy new year?
You know everyone was planning to post the same comment before even looking at the thread. :)
“assaulted a convenience store clerk with a banana”
Maybe he fell for the banana in the tailpipe treatment.
He should have just taken the banana and split.
The guy being assaulted with the banana, was a guy from India ?
What about a pointed stick?
Great post. The forum needed some humor.