Posted on 11/25/2018 11:49:05 AM PST by sodpoodle
If you can’t afford a doctor and feel you need a check up, go to the airport. you will get a free x-ray and breast exam and if you mention al queda you will also get a free colonoscopy.
Adultery is a sin; you cannot have your Kate and Edith too.
I had a really bad day. First, my ex got ran over by a bus - then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.
Wife: Look at that drunk guy. Husband: Who is he? Wife: 10 years ago he proposed to me and I rejected him. Husband: Oh my God. He's still celebrating.
A car's weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.
Doctors have just identified a food that causes suffering years after ingesting. It's called 'Wedding Cake'.
Heh.
Good ones.
Thanks.
Went to the doctor. He said he’d need a urine, blood, sperm, and stool sample. I handed him my underwear.
3 and 4 were really funny.
And any wife will never remembers when her husband is right and NEVER forgets when he is wrong.
I went into a restaurant the other day and asked for coffee without cream. Waitress said “we’re all out of cream. Will you have it without milk?”
Hope you carry a spare pair!!!!
I suppose you’ve heard of Alexander Graham Kowalski, the world’s first telephone Pole?
No respect I tell ya!. I told my doctor “Hey doc, every morning I wake up and look in the mirror I get sick. Whats the matter with me?’’ He said “I dunno. But your eye sights perfect’’.
Story teller Montana Phillips once worked putting electricity for lighting in outhouses for Indian housing. He says he was the first person to “wire a head for a reservation”
I used to tell my jr high students that wives have two books. A white book citing husband’s good deeds and a black book with his transgressions. The black book is very thick and written in indelible ink. The white book is of a single page and written in ink that disappears in a day or so.
That joke’s so old, Greta Garbo was still somewhat of a spring chicken.
LOL!
Yeah, I have hangups about him.
Still, a Greta tempt at humour.
You could get a subpoena from Mueller.
Or SJWs will be throwing bricks through your window from making fun of communism and the lactose-intolerant and whatever else gets them riled up.
Oh yeah, being somebody that can have fun instead of spending a life being miserable.
Screw ‘em.
I told my friend that I that see spots in the mornings. He asked me if I have seen a doctor. No, I replied. Just spots.
Yes, this one is a repeat and most folks have heard it but it remains one of my favs:
Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to be President someday. Both of her parents, Democratic Party members, were standing there so I asked her, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?”
She replied.. “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.” Her parents beamed with pride!
“Wow...what a worthy goal!” I said . . . “But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that!”
“What do you mean?” she replied
So I told her, “You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I’ll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.”
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?”
I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”
Her parents aren’t speaking to me anymore. If you know any Republicans that would get a chuckle out of this, share it with them. Most Democrats will just delete it, I guess the logic escapes them.
Best yet, thanks
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