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Millennial Who Pays $0 In Taxes Outraged She Will Still Pay $0 In Taxes-SATIRE
The Babylon Bee ^ | 12/5/17 | Staff

Posted on 12/05/2017 2:04:45 PM PST by fungoking

PALO ALTO, CA—Local millennial and part-time retail clerk Cady Benson expressed her outrage Tuesday over the new Republican tax plan, which will force her to continue to pay exactly zero dollars of federal income tax in coming years, sources confirmed.

Benson, whose personal tax burden for the past five years adds up to a grand total of zero, ripped the new GOP plan on social media. “Republicans sure know how to take care of their fat cat donor friends!” said a tweet from the 25-year-old, who has never had to pay any taxes on the money she earns working part-time at Patagonia while pursuing her degree in liberal arts. “This new plan is not OK!”

“And what about my student loans? The greedy establishment types in Congress are stealing my student loan deduction, just to line the pockets of their billionaire buddies?” tweeted the woman who has never had to claim a deduction on any tax form because her income bracket has never required her to pay anything to federal or state revenue departments.

“They’re just soaking the poor to feed the rich!” tweeted Benson, who, along with millions of other working Americans, will continue to pay zero taxes under the new GOP plan.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: satire; taxes
Hard to tell satire from the truth these days.
1 posted on 12/05/2017 2:04:45 PM PST by fungoking
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To: fungoking

It has been said ignorance is bliss and this confirms it.


2 posted on 12/05/2017 2:12:23 PM PST by antidemoncrat
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To: fungoking

A classic:

http://www.jonasmaxwell.com/pages/index.cfm?pg=234&cat=5

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for lunch and the bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that’s what they decided to do.

The ten men ate lunch in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball.

“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily lunch by $20.00.” So lunch for the ten men would now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six men? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to eat his lunch.

So the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% off).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% off).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% off).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% off).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% off).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% off).
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat lunch for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare the amount they got off.

The sixth man said, “I only got $1 off out of the $20 while the tenth man got $10 off!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only got $1 off, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!”

“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 off, when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison, “we didn’t get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and told him they they were angry that he got so much off while they each got very little.

The next day the tenth man didn’t show up for lunch, so the nine sat down and had their lunchs without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money amongst all of them for even half of the bill!

And that is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the largest benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start eating overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible


3 posted on 12/05/2017 2:15:55 PM PST by freedumb2003 (Conservatives should do daily affirmations: reading/repeating the 9th and 10th Amendments)
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To: freedumb2003

Always loved that story


4 posted on 12/05/2017 2:25:35 PM PST by FatherofFive (Islam is EVIL and needs to be eradicated)
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To: FatherofFive

A favorite of mine as well.


5 posted on 12/05/2017 2:29:53 PM PST by wally_bert (I didn't get where I am today by selling ice cream tasting of bookends, pumice stone & West Germany)
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To: fungoking

“... said a tweet from the 25-year-old, ...”

Don’t need to read past there, do we?

My Dumbass meter needle went around three times and flew off.


6 posted on 12/05/2017 2:31:31 PM PST by Da Coyote
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To: fungoking

Stupid people thing their FICA and Medicare payments are Federal Taxes.

They will be scratching their heads trying to figure out where their tax cut is.


7 posted on 12/05/2017 3:01:16 PM PST by Vermont Lt (Burn. It. Down.)
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To: freedumb2003

bkmk


8 posted on 12/05/2017 3:20:19 PM PST by Sergio (An object at rest cannot be stopped! - The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight)
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To: fungoking

25 years old

Still a student

Still has student loans

PLEASE—someone yank her enrollment in whatever school it might be.

She is using taxpayer money for her student loan & she hasn’t learned a single thing.


9 posted on 12/05/2017 4:25:20 PM PST by ridesthemiles (uen)
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To: freedumb2003

That needs to be made into a poster—and handed out free to every incoming student at every college in the country......


10 posted on 12/05/2017 4:27:07 PM PST by ridesthemiles (uen)
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To: All

This is satire...Babylon bee....


11 posted on 12/05/2017 4:28:34 PM PST by Maringa
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To: All

This is satire...Babylon bee....


12 posted on 12/05/2017 4:28:35 PM PST by Maringa
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To: Da Coyote

“My Dumbass meter needle went around three times and flew off.”

The Bee does write great satire. But it seems real because it could be!


13 posted on 12/05/2017 4:32:30 PM PST by HereInTheHeartland (I don't want better government; I want much less of it.)
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To: fungoking

I can see why she’s mad - she’s paying ten times what she did before.


14 posted on 12/05/2017 4:32:56 PM PST by Billthedrill
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To: Maringa
I should have put satire in all caps in the title...
15 posted on 12/05/2017 4:59:03 PM PST by fungoking (Tis a pleasure to live in the 0zarks)
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