***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

This weeks collection of silliness

When Your Dad Works in Hollywood

A guy goes to the post office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now.
Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
No point in you coming in for that."

Would you ride it?

Speaking of vacuum, looks like this bloke doesn't do much of it

50 Shades of Grey - If it were written by a nerd

[Lucky9teen]

Today's Challenge

[CopperTop]

Happy Friggday!!!

Top 5?

[onona]

TOP 3 ??????

[Dacula]

IBTP

Top 5

[mykroar]

bleach, lawn bags and a hatchet.

[onona]

The Walmart Game:

Bullets, Massingel Douche, and the largest container of Mayonnaise they have.

Tell them you are going to a picnic

[upchuck]

Loaded for    alligators    bear    bare    somethin' today. Graphics are from Jake in FL via Art in AZ unless otherwise specified.

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h/t Leo

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I told my son, "You will marry the girl I choose."
He said, "No!"
I told him, "She is Bill Gates' daughter."
He said, "Ok."
I called Bill Gates and said, "I want your daughter to marry my son."
He said, "No!"
I told Bill Gates, "He is the CEO of World Bank."
He said, "Ok."
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, "No!"
I told him, "My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law."
He said, "Ok."
This is exactly how politics works.
h/t Debbie

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OT and BTY - I recently received a FReepmail thanking me for my MONTHLY donation to FR. How about you?

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I am a transfinancial which means I'm a rich person born in a poor person's body. Help stop the hate by sending me money to resolve my Financial Identity Disorder.
The Pain is REAL folks.

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I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

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Time out for some education.

The following ten cities each have over 250,000 population. These 10 cities have the highest poverty rate. Yet there is another characteristic these cities share. Care to guess what it is?

City, State, % of People below the poverty level.

1. Detroit, MI 32.5%
2. Buffalo, NY 29.9%
3. Cincinnati, OH 27.8%
4. Cleveland, OH 27.0%
5. Miami, FL 26.9%
5. St. Louis, MO 26.8%
7. El Paso, TX 26.4%
8. Milwaukee, WI 26.2%
9. Philadelphia, PA 25.1%
10. Newark, NJ 24.2%

Detroit, MI - (1st on poverty rate list) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1961
Buffalo, NY - (2nd) hasn't elected one since 1954
Cincinnati, OH - (3rd) not since 1984
Cleveland, OH - (4th) not since 1989
Miami, FL - (5th) has never had a Republican mayor
St. Louis, MO - (6th) not since 1949
El Paso, TX - (7th) has never had a Republican mayor
Milwaukee, WI - (8th) not since 1908
Philadelphia, PA - (9th) not since 1952
Newark, NJ - (10th) not since 1907

Einstein once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

It is the poor who habitually elect Democrats... Yet they are still POOR.."
Education hat tip to Art in AZ.

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h/t nascarnation

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h/t Bill

[onona]

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her. I said, ‘Alright, fatty.’

[P.O.E.]

Bible, gun & pocket constitution.

[mykroar]

Except Wal-mart’s pulling their guns.

[Lucky9teen]

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STOP

AND GET SOME


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST

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[mykroar]

[HartleyMBaldwin]

This wasn’t at a Walmart, but many years ago I needed to buy some double-edged razor blades. While I was in the store, I realized it was October 31st, so I bought a bag of apples too.

[mykroar]

[real saxophonist]

I don’t go to Walmart, but I would buy a box of ammunition, Sriracha Pringles, and Zummo’s Boudin.

[SkyDancer]

Hey, if all the letters on a keyboard or typewriter are in English, how can people write in a foreign language?

[fireforeffect]

Chainsaw, hockey mask, and a flower pattern apron.

[IYAS9YAS]

Re: The Walmart Game

Duct tape. Bleach. Balaclava.

[IYAS9YAS]

Einstein once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

Einstein never met Microsoft...