Posted on 12/12/2015 2:44:44 PM PST by huckfillary
In what amounts to stunning acknowledgement of its very existence, and a reversal of existing policy, Congress yesterday passed legislation by a wide margin granting sweeping federal regulatory authority over dark matter. Obama has already promised to sign the legislation which he termed “a small step in the right direction.†The vote culminated months of secret negotiations and political horse-trading. Up till now, each state has been free to regulate dark matter in its own way and of its choosing. The law now prohibits independent state action on dark matter, making it the exclusive province of the federal government. Tenth Amendment advocates were apoplectic with rage over the vote, but admitted its inevitability. The law’s proponents argued that the new law would replace the existing hodge-podge of often conflicting state policies involving dark matter with one uniform approach. The law virtually mirrors the legislation recently adopted by the European Union and several Asian countries. Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, and the bill’s chief Senate sponsor, Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), were giddy after the vote. “At long last, said McConnell, “we have extended the regulatory authority and benificent offices of the U.S government beyond the planet, even the galaxy, to regulate forces at work throughout the universe, God’s Mighty Kingdom. Environmental experts have claimed for years that dark matter plays an integral role in determining our weather patterns. This legislation proves beyond a doubt what I and most of the leadership on Capitol Hill have been insisting for years—that the federal government has no bounds. Today is an occasion for universal celebration. The Senate now remains poised to extend federal regulation to the next frontier—Black Holes.†Public celebrations were large, numerous, and worldwide. Revelers on nearly every major U.S. college campus and in every world capital carried on well into the wee hours after the final vote was announced. The White House announced it plans a large Rose Garden signing ceremony on Christmas Day including congressional leaders, heads of state, religious leaders, and high-level representatives of ISIS and other major Islamic movements. Pope Francis, who has been at the forefront of worldwide action on climate change, was effusive over the law’s passage. In his remarks to the faithful at his weekly papal blessing at St. Peter’s Square, he stated, “Regulating dark matter will carry mankind’s struggle against the haphazard and unpredictable forces of nature to a new dimension. It is another weapon in our arsenal in the war against climate change.†Dark matter is a hypothetical kind of matter that cannot be seen but is believed to account for most matter in the universe. Although dark matter has not been detected directly, its existence is inferred from its gravitational effects on visible matter and the large-scale structure of the universe.
Uh......
OMG! Racism directly from the fed gov. I can’t believe it.
They need to regulate gravity also. If they don’t, and if US citizens don’t elect another generation of ‘RATS & RINOs, we’re all doomed because of man-caused global gravity change.
But dark matter matters.
We need quotas.
Matter diversity.
Eliminate visible matter privilege.
Remember, dark matter particles only had 2/3 the mass...pure discrimination.
Gads, that was fun.
How about regulating Governmentium (Gv). It has too many forces keeping it together, including such particles as morons and peons.
Dark Matter has deep-pocketed friends in Congress!
Three fifths the mass. Read your Constitution!
Hands Up Don’t Compute!
The Emperor’s New Clothes were made of dark matter.
how about once and for all set the value of pi as 3.14
They’re too late, I already called dibs!
Dark matter has attacked your formatting and rendered it formless and void and darkness was on the face of the type.
why better to regulate Dark Matter than the current Prince of Darkness in our Casablanca?
We must put a speed limit on light; it travels way too fast.
I must have missed something.....What the hell is “Dark Matter”?
Those idiots want to control everything, everywhere. Give them an inch and they will take a mile.
It is time for the “little people” to stand up and remove those idiots.
Dark matter? First they regulate the toilet design and now they want to regulate the stuff that goes in the John?
#DarkMatterMatters
“...morons and peons.”
LOL. Excellent repartee.
#DarkMatterMatters
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Hey!! All matters matter.
Not that it matters. :^)
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