Posted on 08/07/2015 6:52:24 PM PDT by Daniel Clark
The College Football Czar
2015 Season Preview
a sports publication from The Shinbone
by Daniel Clark
Welcome to the 2015 season preview issue of The College Football Czar, a seasonal sports publication by the author and editor of The Shinbone. In the coming months, you will find weekly analyses of upcoming college football action posted at this site. To find out more, please see the Ground Rules.
This issue contains the Czar's rankings for all 128 teams in Division I-A football, as well as conference preview capsules, potential upsets to watch for, bowl projections, and a guide to help you locate head coaches on the move. Most importantly, it includes early nominees for the Lardhead of the Year Award, which the Czar never gets around to actually awarding, but for which he dispenses nominations copiously.
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COACHING MOVES
New coach .. arriving at .. previous position .. former coach
Lance Leipold .. Buffalo .. head coach WI-Whitewater (D-III) Jeff Quinn
John Bonamego .. Central Michigan .. sp. teams coach Detroit Lions .. Dan Enos
Mike Bobo .. Colorado State .. off. coord. Georgia .. Jim McElwain
Jim McElwain .. Florida .. head coach Colorado St. .. Will Muschamp
Tom Herman .. Houston .. off. coord. Ohio St. .. Tony Levine
David Beaty .. Kansas .. WR coach Texas A&M .. Charlie Weis
Jim Harbaugh .. Michigan .. head coach S.F. 49ers .. Brady Hoke
Mike Riley .. Nebraska .. head coach Oregon St. .. Bo Pelini
Gary Andersen .. Oregon State .. head coach Wisconsin .. Mike Riley
Pat Narduzzi .. Pitt .. def. coord. Michigan St. .. Paul Chryst
Chad Morris .. SMU .. off. coord. Clemson .. June Jones
Neil Brown .. Troy .. off. coord. Kentucky .. Larry Blakeney
Philip Montgomery .. Tulsa .. off. coord. Baylor .. Bill Blankenship
Tony Sanchez .. UNLV .. head coach Bishop Gorman HS .. Bobby Hauck
Paul Chryst .. Wisconsin .. head coach Pitt Gary Andersen
ROLLING HEAD WATCH
The following coaches will have a difficult time hanging onto their noggins through the 2015 season:
Norm Chow, Hawaii Once the most sought-after assistant coach in America, the fourth-year UH skipper is now more than a decade removed from his glory days as offensive coordinator at USC. His following stints with the Tennessee Titans, UCLA and the University of Utah were forgettable, and he has gone 8-29 as head coach since returning to his native Honolulu. Last years 4-9 record was somewhat encouraging, considering the Warriors strength of schedule, and it would probably suffice again this year for the same reason. If they dont continue to pull out close games against the likes of UNLV, however, Chows athletic director may decide to let him hang loose.
Kevin Wilson, Indiana A four-year record of 14-34 would already be enough to get fired from most schools, but the Hoosiers have been understandably patient especially while seeing flashes of promise like last years upset of Missouri, and a 2013 shocker over Penn State. Wilson was forced to turn to his third-string quarterback during last seasons 4-8 campaign, but starter Nate Sudfeld is back, and the Hoosiers nonconference schedule is weenie enough to make a winning season probable. On the other hand, if his team is left in the dark for another postseason, it could be lights out for the head coach of the candelabra-heads.
Paul Rhoads, Iowa State Would it be too corny to describe Rhoads tenure at ISU as rocky? In six years, hes never finished better than 3-5 in the Big XII, or 7-6 overall. By Cyclone standards, thats actually pretty good, but Rhoads records have regressed over the past two seasons, culminating in last years 0-9, 2-10 implosion. The hiring of former Kansas head coach Mark Mangino as offensive coordinator did not have its desired effect, as the Clones tallied fewer points than in any season since 2010. If adding the Mayor of Oz to his staff wont help, it might be time for Coach Rhoads to hit the yellow bricks.
Al Golden, Miami The man who put Temple football on the map obviously has more talent to work with in Coral Gables, but can he make this team play with the same character that his plucky Owls did? After failing to derail Florida State last season, the Hurricanes simply quit. Their lack of effort was palpable in subsequent losses to Virginia and Pitt. Throw in an Independence Bowl clunker against South Carolina, and Miami finished with a losing record for the first time since hiring Golden, who is now 28-21 at The U. Hell get to snap his losing streak by kicking around a couple tomato cans to open the 2015 season, but then his team begins a challenging stretch of five games, starting with a visit from Nebraska. If the Canes faithful dont feel a couple prevailing winds during that time, the coach could be given his Golden parachute.
Willie Taggart, South Florida Once a wizard at Western Kentucky, Willies been all wet since arriving in Tampa two years ago. Granted, thats not much time, but USFs offensive ineptitude is causing a premature panic. Last season, the Bulls ranked #121 of 128 in yards per game, which is actually an improvement on 2013, when they were #124 out of 126. Meanwhile, the WKU program he left behind has only kept climbing. Unfortunately, Taggart has got to overcome not just his own record, but that of his predecessor, Skip Holtz. Since 2010, this teams offense has looked like a herd of mechanical bulls on a cattle drive. If Taggart is still it, hed better at least start losing games a little more interestingly.
Curtis Johnson, Tulane The Green Wave made a rare bowl appearance in 2013, albeit one that ended in disappointment, partly due to tentative play calling on the coachs part. Still, the season seemed to usher in a new era, as it generated excitement about the opening of on-campus Yulman Stadium the following year. That enthusiasm was quickly wiped out, as the reality of a 3-9 season came crashing down on them. Johnsons team tallied a meager average of 16 points per game, and was held to single digits in each of its last three. His record now stands at 12-25, with two of those wins against lower-division opponents. If he fails to take advantage of this years soft November schedule, hell soon find himself on the Tulane highway out of town.
WHAT'S NEW IN 2015
* Carolina Comrades The newest Division I-A football team, and member of Conference USA, is Charlotte, nee the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. For reasons too uninteresting and stupid to bother explaining here, the teams nickname is the 49ers. Since 2000, its logo has consisted of a round letter C wielding a pickaxe. It could not more obviously be a thinly veiled hammer-and-sickle logo, which probably started as a contest submission from some typical campus pinko. If only their school colors were red and yellow instead of green and gold, theyd look like the official American football team of the Soviet Union, perhaps participating in Ted Turners Goodwill Games. The Czar must therefore ask his readers to excuse his lack of objectivity while analyzing the Niners games. To paraphrase Jake Blues, I hate Carolina Commies.
* U still be AB as of the 2017 season, at least. The University of Alabama-Birmingham has reversed last years decision to terminate its football program, although it will still have to suspend operations for the next two seasons. The truth be known, the teams financial problems had been deliberately imposed by the tyrannical University of Alabama board of trustees in the first place. The board presides over three U of A campuses (Tuscaloosa, Birmingham and Huntsville), but is dominated by the main campus, which does not want its Birmingham affiliate to field a competitive football team. The obvious question, then, is why they would let the Blazers return at all. The College Football Czar theorizes that the folks from Tuscaloosa meant only to torpedo the UAB football team, and not the entire athletic program. When they learned that the school would be booted from Conference USA, they did an about-face, rather than let the more successful basketball, baseball and soccer teams find refuge in a smaller league like the Ohio Valley or Southland Conference.
* Yet more bowl games The two new ones are the Arizona Bowl in Tucson, which will probably be renamed once it finds a sponsor, and the Cure Bowl in Orlando, which will benefit breast cancer research. Although the College Football Czar admits there are too many bowl games anymore, he still enjoys watching them all. Hed gladly trade in ten or twelve of them, however, in exchange for just one thats played on Christmas Day.
* New digs at Duke, sort of Venerable Wallace Wade Stadium is still standing, but the Blue Devils have followed Stanfords lead by removing their running track, and closing in the seats tighter around the playing field. Heres hoping the University of Buffalo whose front-row seats look like theyre halfway to Hamilton is paying attention.
* The equipment cops are coming! Any player who violates equipment rules will be sent off the field for at least one play, and not allowed to return until he corrects the problem. That means no deliberately untucked shirts or exposed padding, and no messages written on eye black stickers. This latter example is bound to become a point of contention. The Czar cant wait for the media firestorm the first time a player is sent off for making a statement of solidarity with victims of discrimination against Furries. Its only a matter of time.
WHAT'S NOT NEW
* Conversions Unlike the NFL and the CFL, which have each backed up extra point attempts to the 15-yard-line, the NCAA is leaving the line of scrimmage at the three for now, and the College Football Czar is glad. The idea behind the change at the pro level is that extra points have become too automatic, and two-point conversions are only attempted in those narrow circumstances in which the game situation dictates it. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell thinks his new rule will create more two-point attempts, but the Czar disagrees. In college, many two-pointers are attempted by sending the kicking team on the field in an unconventional formation, and then snapping the ball for an offensive play if the other team doesnt seem prepared. You cant pull a fake like that if you have to first declare whether youre going for one point or two, and then march backward 12 yards if youre committing to the kick. The Czar thinks that if the NFL wants to make extra points more challenging, it should first move the hash marks back where they are in the college game, and then borrowing a rule from rugby make the kicker attempt the point from the spot across the width of the field where the touchdown was scored. Following a TD in the corner of the end zone, the kick would come from the hash mark on that side of the field. It wouldnt be a gimme anymore, and you could still go for two from the same mark. Theres no logical reason why the line of scrimmage should differ depending on what type of conversion is being attempted.
* Conference alignments Division I-A newcomer Charlotte is taking UABs place in Conference USA, and Navy is joining the American Athletic Conference, but other than that, everybodys staying put. So, for those scoring at home, ten is still twelve, twelve is still ten, Louisville is still on the Atlantic coast, and Idaho is still in the Sun Belt.
* Nameless Nittany Lions In James Franklins second year at Penn State, he has decided to reverse the decision by predecessor Bill OBrien to put the players names on their jerseys. While announcing the change, Franklin tiresomely declared, There is only one name that truly matters Penn State. It seems like every season theres some coach somewhere who pulls this shtick, as if putting names on the jerseys were some kind of a reward for the players, or as if the team becomes more cohesive without them. Now that every Division I-A football game is televised or streamed online, theres no good reason not to put names on the jerseys. In this age of narcissism, in which every little leaguer gets a trophy just for participating, and half of them have trading cards of themselves at the age of four, putting a college kids name on his back is not going to send him on an ego trip, nor is its removal likely to humble him. Coaches need to knock off the amateur psychology, and show some consideration for the spectators for a change.
* Politically correct hypocrisy If youre a big, important school that contends for national championships, youre allowed to keep your Indian team nickname, mascot, logo and chant. But if youre from the MAC or the Sun Belt Conference, youve got to rename your team the Red Aardvarks, or something. Youre not allowed to refer to midgets anymore, and certainly not to promote ethnic stereotypes, but Notre Dame represents itself with an ethnic midget, and everythings fine. When it comes to selective application of the rules, the IRS has got nothing on the NCAA and the liberal sports media.
LARDHEAD OF THE YEAR AWARD NOMINEES
* Florida State coach Jimbo Fisher Following accusations against players DeAndre Johnson and Dalvin Cook for allegedly assaulted women at bars, the coach has banned his Seminoles from public drinking places. Mind you, in both instances, the players involved were underage, so why is a new rule even necessary? Is this a new development, that doing something thats actually illegal is a violation of FSU team policy? Why not announce that punching women is henceforth prohibited by team rules as well? Moreover, why should a law-abiding, 21-year-old senior be forbidden from having a couple beers in a pub, just because two of his teammates are criminals? To his credit, Fisher has dismissed Johnson from the team, and indefinitely suspended Cook, pending investigation. So why dilute the message of accountability by also punishing the innocent?
* Nike founder and Oregon alumnus Phil Knight for taking away his teams identity as it prepared for the biggest game in its history. Not that the uniforms made the difference in UOs 42-20 championship game defeat, but many coaches do believe what their players wear on the field affects them psychologically, which is why so many teams wear black. For the Fighting Ducks, who had just dominated Florida State while wearing their classic emerald greens, showing up for the title game in Tooth Fairy suits had to be a huge letdown. For those of you in the its all about da munny chorus, Knight doesnt even have that excuse for what hes done to the Duck uniforms in recent years, because nobody buys his silver, black and gray merchandise. Even the winged helmet has never really caught on. When the fans showed up for the big game, all decked out in the traditional green and yellow, and displaying the big O logo, it looked like half of the stadium was rooting for a team that didnt bother showing up. Which it didnt.
* Mock draft experts Trying to project the NFL draft from an entire season away is about as scientific as consulting the Magic 8-Ball, and less than half as interesting. ESPNs Todd McShay is predicting that Penn State quarterback Christian Hackenberg will be the first player taken in next years draft. The College Football Czars prediction is that if we first wait and see if Hackenberg has that much better a season than he did last year, and then find out if hes interested in turning pro a year early, then guessing at his place in the draft order will not be such a moronic thing to do.
* Washington State head coach Mike Leach A former lawyer, and admirer of Supreme Court justices who make crap up as they go along, Leach has given a characteristically liberal opinion on the New England Patriots deflated balls scandal. With everything thats going on, were worried about how much air goes into a ball when everybody uses their own ball, he said. Its not like its a forged football. Actually, were worried about a team breaking the rules in order to cheat its way into the Super Bowl, but whos counting? If thats no cause for concern, then by extension, why not use a forged football? If every team gets to use whatever it wants as a ball, then why not a Nerf ball, or an acorn squash? The NFL has regulations that define what is and is not a legitimate game ball. If the Pats dont like the rules, they can try to persuade the league to change them, but they are not at liberty to simply disregard them. Now that Leach is expressing equally little respect for the written rules, the NCAA should immediately investigate him for absolutely everything.
* Washington State head coach Mike Leach In the same interview, Leach proposed that college football adopt a 64-team playoff, on the basis that It would be indisputable that it was settled on the field. Are you playoff-mongers out there starting to see why the College Football Czar has opposed the idea? If absolutely every competent team is invited to a playoff, then there will be little controversy over the national championship, and equally little interest in the regular season. Not only would Alabama and LSU both be assured of playoff spots, but the possibility of encountering each other in the postseason would encourage them to execute vanilla game plans in their regular-season meeting, so as not to give anything away. College football has always been unique among team sports in the excitement it generates in regular-season matchups with national championship implications. Its like having a world heavyweight title fight on an almost weekly basis, in addition to all the great football games. Anyone who would rather turn college football into college basketball is either a lardhead or an agent of Satan. The Czar is giving Leach the benefit of the doubt by putting him in the former category.
* ESPNs Joe Schad and Austin Ward in an online article, Ward wrote that a source had told reporter Schad that four Ohio State players were suspended for their opening game due to either marijuana or academics. Those are two very different things, only one of which is against the law. Why split hairs, when you can spatter unfounded rumors throughout cyberspace? One might as well say that Schad and Ward are either bath salt-snorting cannibals or irresponsible journalists.
THE CZAR DECREES
If the College Football Czar could issue proclamations changing college football, these are some of the things he would do:
* Mandate true-to-life turf The Czar had hoped that Boise States blue playing surface would prove to be a fad, not unlike Koogle, the peanut butter that came in different revolting flavors during the 70s, and had a Kool-Aid Man ripoff mascot that talked like Wolfman Jack. Many of the Czars readers are fortunately too young to remember Koogle, but youve probably seen football games from Boise, which are nearly as disgusting. Two Division I-AA teams, Eastern Washington and Coastal Carolina, now have their football fields colored bright red and teal, respectively. A second I-A school, Eastern Michigan, now plays on a gray field, which makes live games there look like old newsreel footage. This trendy turf is far too expensive to just tell the schools to tear it up, but the NCAA ought to grandfather in a rule requiring the color of the turf to be consistent with a natural playing surface.
* Let it snow Its so rare that we get a good snow game, and when we do, some dorky engineer at ESPN decides its a good idea to superimpose black yard lines onto the snow. What kind of a miserable killjoy would even think to do a thing like that? It reminds the Czar of that episode of MASH in which Father Mulcahy grows corn for a Fourth of July cookout, only for the oblivious cook Igor to cream it, per standard Army procedure. It seems as if the sports networks hold weekly meetings to decide how to spoil football for the fans. Its as if they think that by ruining the games, theyll justify using more of the screen for tweets and fantasy stats.
* Stop counting cupcakes toward bowl eligibility Is it any wonder that college football attendance is on the decline? Anymore, the opening week features more phony games than real ones, and fans know the difference. When a Division I-A team schedules a Division I-AA opponent, there are three possible outcomes. One is that the I-A team actually prepares for a game, and mercilessly pummels the I-AA team. Another is that the smaller school wins, because the big-league team goes in with an exhibition game mindset, and doesnt start taking the game seriously until its too late. The most common outcome is that the I-A team ambles to victory despite appearing distracted, in a scrimmage-like performance thats about as exciting as watching wood rot. In any case, its a terrible game that never should have happened.
Games like this used to be somewhat rare, but theyve proliferated ever since the NCAA ruled that they may be counted toward bowl eligibility. The Czar says no team deserves a bowl game that isnt willing to face bowl-quality teams in its nonconference schedule.
* Nix the neutral-site games Partly due to the issue referenced above, there is a paucity of quality interconference games anymore. Worse yet, many of the biggest ones that still exist are neutral-site games, which are organized in much the same way as the old classics, like the Kickoff Classic, Disney Pigskin Classic and Jim Thorpe Classic. Unlike those defunct events, these early-season games are not bonuses tacked onto an already existing regular season schedule, but instead are simply regular season games that neither team gets in its season ticket package. Thats a royal kick in the codpiece to loyal fans who now only get strategically scheduled nonconference mismatches. If you buy a season ticket, you get the privilege of paying to see your team beat up on Eastwest Missouri State&M, but if they ever play Alabama, it will be a neutral-site game that youll never get to watch in person. Moreover, most of these games tend to be played in domes, which makes for awful TV.
* Give lottery lardheads their own TV network In the College Football Czars hometown of Pittsburgh, broadcasts of the daily lottery have been moved from the ABC to the NBC affiliate. The Czar was initially relieved that this would no longer cause him to miss the decisive play from the 3:30 Big Ten game, until he realized hed be missing the decisive play of the Notre Dame game instead. The way this works is that college football games last roughly three and a half hours, meaning that a 3:30 game will likely wrap up somewhere around 7:00. Thats when the lottery goes on the air, pushing the end of the football game to a tiny, soundless corner of the screen, so that lardheads can get excited by the obnoxious lottery jingle, and then bore brain cells to death by watching the drawing of the ping pong balls.
It would be best for all of humanity if people would simply stop playing the lottery, but sadly, things are trending in the opposite direction. Now, Pennsylvania has both noon and evening drawings every day, for two, three, four and five-digit numbers. The last of these used to be entitled Quinto. Since playing the lottery requires the same mentality it takes to go first in a game of tic-tac-toe and still lose, the Czar proposed a few years ago that the Latin-derived Quinto was far too subtle for lottery lardheads, and should instead be changed to Fivey to better get the point across. Lo and behold, Quinto has now been renamed Pick 5. Close enough.
Since there seems to be no end to this idiocy, there should at least be a whole separate channel called The Lottery Network, where lardheads can turn to keep abreast of all things lottery. Meanwhile, college football fans would actually get to see that last-second desperation heave into the end zone. As it is, when someone asks the Czar if he remembers that great finish to the 2015 Notre Dame-Georgia Tech game, he will have to answer, No, but that days Fivey was 81639.
TEAM RANKINGS, 1-128 (see original article)
CONFERENCE CAPSULES
American Athletic Conference (east)
1. Cincinnati Bearcats* no bear cupboard, with 11 SRs & JRs starting on offense
2. Temple Owls O went missing in the Linc last season
3. Central Florida Knights will have some long days with all-new WRs and DBs
4. East Carolina Pirates hardly Ruffin it, despite losing luxury of Carden at QB
5. South Florida Bulls troubled Taggart tries going up-tempo in Tampa
6. Uconn Huskies Conn Men cant get their foot in the door
American Athletic Conference (west)
1. Navy Midshipmen Superstar QB Reynolds is a mean machine unto himself
2. Houston Cougars Coach from Columbus sets sail for new world of Planet Hooston
3. Memphis Tigers need long-distance information to get in touch with last years D
4. Tulane Green Wave nothing to sing about in NO LA
5. Tulsa Golden Hurricane fans tiring of the stench of yellow wind
6. SMU Mustangs Like all teams, theyll play better football after June
* projected conference champion
Outlook: If the Middies can keep Keenan Reynolds healthy, they should win a division title in their very first season of play in this or any other conference. The Bearcats defense remains a liability, but their schedule is hardly challenging. If they survive an early October trip to BYU, they could be on their way to their best year since their undefeated regular season of 2009.
Atlantic Coast Conference (atlantic)
1. Clemson Tigers* DeShauns dishin passes to dangerous group of WRs
2. Florida State Seminoles Thats semi, as in half of last years team
3. Nc State Wolfpack NCSU-Raleigh should do well in the ratings this season
4. Boston College Eagles Addazios D keeps opposing rushers in addaze
5. Louisville Cardinals hollowed out club could collapse like a house of Cards
6. Syracuse Orange Their only O is on both ends of mascot Otto
7. Wake Forest Demon Deacons Lately, WF is a question asked by their fans
Atlantic Coast Conference (coastal)
1. Georgia Tech Ramblin Wreck assistant coach Roof has a full slate on defense
2. North Carolina Tarheels Whose defense will cry UNC-le first?
3. Pitt Panthers hoping Pat Narduzzis stay is for longer than the usual Pitt-stop
4. Virginia Tech Hokies/Gobblers QB Brewer needs some more hop in his game
5. Miami Hurricanes visiting opponents no longer afraid to storm their beach
6. Virginia Cavaliers cross swords with UCLA, Notre Dame, Boise St. in Sept.
7. Duke Blue Devils new QB gets his feet wet in Wallace Wade Stadium
* projected conference champion
Outlook: A title game featuring anything other than a GT-Clemson matchup would be a tremendous upset. Along with all the players FSU lost to the pros, theyre unlikely to bring back their indefinitely suspended 1,000-yard rusher, Dalvin Cook. If Narduzzi can prop up the Panther defense, their O should roll, with arguably the leagues best rusher and receiver.
Big Ten Conference (east division)
1. Ohio State Buckeyes* What they do to Va. Tech in their rematch will be Brutus
2. Michigan State Spartans loss of CBs could be a breaker, breaker for title hopes
3. Michigan Wolverines offense wont miss QB Gardner and WR Funchess bunches
4. Indiana Hoosiers Fate was more unfriendly than Miss Fleener last season
5. Penn State Nittany Lions must catch the Lions share of passes from their own QB
6. Rutgers Scarlet Knights No mo Nova, no problem
7. Maryland Terrapins Slow and steady ranks twelfth in the league in rushing
Big Ten Conference (west division)
1. Nebraska Cornhuskers Fans may be saying shucks about strange coaching hire
2. Minnesota Golden Gophers Can they go pherther than second place finish in 2014?
3. Illinois Fighting Illini Planets must illin for them to win the division
4. Wisconsin Badgers new head cheesehead has got some holes to fill
5. Iowa Hawkeyes wont be hard to beat if they dont protect QB Beathard
6. Northwestern Wildcats regained a sense of direction late last season
7. Purdue Boilermakers ought to be drummed out of the league altogether
* projected conference champion
Outlook: The battle for the East division promises to be fought ferociously, but if MSU cant improve its pass defense, the Buckeyes should drop the bomb on them just like last year. Jim Harbaugh should instantly make Michigan a contender, but the offseason coaching hire for the N-men is a lot iffier. Mike Rileys Oregon State teams hadnt been competitive for a couple years, and he never did build that program into a contender, but only took over again after Dennis Erickson gave them their first winning season in decades. The College Football Czar must wonder if the Bo Pelini regime was in such total disarray that the Huskers were simply looking for a guy who could run a clean and organized program.
Big Twelve Conference
1. TCU Horned Frogs With ten O starters back, a national title wouldnt take a big jump
2. Baylor Bears pre-November schedule is a pick-a-nick basket waiting to be picked
3. Oklahoma State Cowboys Gundys players arent 40, but theyve matured since a year ago
4. West Virginia Mountaineers WVU doesnt wuv its woad conference schedule
5. Kansas State Wildcats 4 senior DBs make it tough to take Manhattan
6. Texas Longhorns Charlie Strong has yet to put his brand on the men of steer
7. Oklahoma Sooners didnt start nearly soon enough in bowl game vs. Clemson
8. Texas Tech Red Raiders Must they hit bottom before bouncing back in Lubbock?
9. Kansas Jayhawks Too much residue of the Offensive Goo remains
10. Iowa State Cyclones The original Cys football genes must have been recessive
Outlook: Once again, the Frogs and Bears could contend nationally, in part because their schedules offer few opportunities for defeat. At least TCU dares to tangle with Minnesota on the road to open the season, although they probably didnt figure that to be a tough game when they scheduled it. WVU and Texas have the potential to mount an unexpected challenge, while OSU remains steady, and the rest of the conference remains flatter than the terrain where it resides.
Conference USA (east division)
1. Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders MT-heads and shoulders above their divisional foes
2. Western Kentucky Hilltoppers Someone tell the defense that Big Red means STOP
3. Marshall Thundering Herd less lightninging seen, with record-setting QB Cato gone
4. Florida International Golden Panthers could still use a FIU good men
5. Florida Atlantic Burrowing Owls The 2014 season left a bad taste in Rat Mouth
6. Old Dominion Monarchs didnt get any butterflies in first year of I-A ball
7. Charlotte 49ers wont strike paydirt often in their debut season
Conference USA (west division)
1. Louisiana Tech Bulldogs* Coach Skippy looks like hell stick around awhile
2. Rice Owls wise guys need some goodfellas on their defensive line
3. UTEP Miners must start airin it out to complement RB Aaron Jones
4. North Texas Mean Green Tough road games mean they must scratch out wins in Denton
5. UTSA Roadrunners The men of meep are not very deep this season
6. Southern Miss Golden Eagles They melt in opponents hands at M.M. Roberts Stadium
* projected conference champion
Outlook: LTU coach Skip Holtz finally got the fireworks started on the Bulldog offense last season. Well see if its a good gamble for him to go with Florida transfer QB Jeff Driskel, whose career with the Gators had been a dud. Its the Tech defense that will make the difference, though, as MTSU, WKU, Marshall and Rice will have to keep scoring their way out of trouble.
Independents
1. Notre Dame Fighting Irish They Con-go a long way with Zaire at quarterback
2. Brigham Young Cougars cant wait to put Miami melee vs. Memphis behind them
3. Army Black Knights West Pointers need to point north and south more often
Outlook: The annually unjustified Fighting Irish hype will be put to the test early. If the golden domers defeat Georgia Tech on Sept. 19, they are a legitimate national powerhouse. If not, things probably wont get much better for them against Clemson and USC. The Cougars were 4-0 last year before QB Taysom Hill broke his leg. Hes back this year, but theyre unlikely to replicate that start, since they open against Nebraska, Boise St., UCLA and Michigan.
Mid-American Conference (east division)
1. Bowling Green Falcons* QB Matt Johnson gets off the mat to fight for the title
2. Buffalo Bulls UB foolish to write these guys off
3. Umass Minutemen Frohnapfel can froh uvver fings, too
4. Ohio Bobcats Reports of a crisis in Athens are exaggerated
5. Akron Zips cast of castoffs hopes to transfer power to the U of A
6. Kent State Golden Flashes gotta get down to it, opponents are gunning them down
7. Miami OH RedHawks If the clothes make the man, last years 2-10 record was fitting
Mid-American Conference (west division)
1. Northern Illinois Huskies Drew Hare, a.k.a., Wudy da Wabbit, makes dem da winna
2. Toledo Rockets Departure of OL leaves a big hole in T**edo
3. Western Michigan Broncos Row the Boat made them no match for flyboys in bowl game
4. Central Michigan Chippewas deflating finish to bowl rally makes them ask Wa Hoppmm?
5. Ball State Cardinals try to take flight, in absence of a top running back
6. Eastern Michigan Eagles gray eagles drone on for another long season
* projected conference champion
Outlook: BG should bag the East division with ease, while NIU and Toledo battle for the West. The Minutemen are out to prove themselves in this, their last season before being kicked out of the league. Buffalo has the talent to contend, but former D-III coach Leipold better realize hes not facing UW-Eau Claire anymore.
Mountain West Conference (mountain division)
1. Boise State Broncos no negotiating with the framework of DE Correa
2. Air Force Falcons Colorado Springs trapped Boise St., Navy, Colo. St. & Nevada in 14
3. Colorado State Rams nations leading receiver Higgins is ex-trohhr-dnerry!
4. Utah State Aggies Can this Chuckie sequel possibly turn out any differently?
5. New Mexico Lobos For once, theres been no wrong turn at Albuquerque
6. Wyoming Cowboys WYO-why are they even bothering?
Mountain West Conference (west division)
1. San Diego State Aztecs* if only they had this strong a defense against the Spaniards
2. Nevada Wolf Pack When Ian Seau hits you, you say, Id rather you hadnt done that
3. Fresno State Bulldogs anything but bowl-dogs, judging from recent appearances
4. Hawaii Rainbow Warriors They must be HI, if they think they can win with this schedule
5. San Jose State Spartans Real football teams dont use accent marks
6. UNLV Rebels High school coach should feel right at home with this remedial team
Outlook: The Aztecs appear to be the class of the league, with Kentucky transfer Maxwell Smith at QB to complement RB Donnel Pumphrey, as well as the MWCs premier defense. The Broncos have lots of starters returning, but Grant Hedrick and Jay Ajai are not among them. The wild card in this conference is former Georgia QB and offensive coordinator Mike Bobo, who takes over a young club at Colorado State.
Pac 12 Conference (north division)
1. Oregon Ducks Theyve gone soph, but still shouldnt be taken lightly
2. Stanford Cardinal sub-Stanford running game keeps them from contending
3. California Golden Bears QB Goff could go off at any second
4. Washington State Cougars new DC Grinch could fix D that stink, stank, stunk
5. Oregon State Beavers expecting grate things with Big Cheese arriving from Wisconsin
6. Washington Huskies not enough big dogs hitting the blocking sleds on either line
Pac 12 Conference (south division)
1. USC Trojans* second-year coach ready to unleash a Sarknado on offense
2. Arizona State Sun Devils QB Berco-(veni, vidi)-vici against SC & Stanford last year
3. Utah Utes Not much yoot on experienced, senior-laden roster
4. UCLA Bruins Freshman QB Rosen steps into a thorny situation
5. Arizona Wildcats LB Scooby is rover rere, there, and everywhere
6. Colorado Buffaloes The chips were down in all 9 conference games of 2014
* projected conference champion
Outlook: Southern Cal should contend for the national championship, just as long as they dont overlook opponents like they did last season at Boston College. They are in by far the tougher division of this conference, however, as the South has at least 5 of the leagues 7 best teams, and maybe 5 out of 6. The Fighting Ducks have lost a lot of talent on defense, but the offense is still in good hands, even without Marcus Mariota. ASU must be considered a perennial contender, now that theyve persuaded coach Todd Graham to stay put for more than three years.
Southeastern Conference (east division)
1. Georgia Bulldogs Nick Chubb reigns among the leagues running backs
2. Missouri Tigers continuing to Mauk SEC tradition
3. Tennessee Volunteers Tennessee, Tenne-do, after years of being a mere spectator
4. Florida Gators realizing that Gainesville wasnt meant to be ironic
5. South Carolina Gamecocks roster so unsettled, they should be the Shuttlecocks
6. Kentucky Wildcats The way UK got whammed in last 6 made for awful video
7. Vanderbilt Commodores the ugliest thing to hit Nashville since Natalie Maines
Southeastern Conference (west division) 1. LSU Tigers* divisional foes are in for a Rouge awakening
2. Alabama Crimson Tide visiting UGA, A&M and Auburn could be elephanticide
3. Arkansas Razorbacks Carrying the pigs kin is in their DNA
4. Texas A&M Aggies raggedy & defense gets tossed around like rag dolls
5. Auburn Tigers changing too many stripes to remain solid
6. Ole Miss Rebels Their fortunes are flagging, like the forbidden Southern Cross
7. Mississippi State Bulldogs Daks not dealing from a stacked deck this time
* projected conference champion
Outlook: The College Football Czar sees too much parity in this league for it to produce a national championship contender, but its teams will dominate the Top 25 as usual. Overall, the league will be down slightly, due to a dearth of experience at the quarterback position. On that basis, Brandon Allen and Arkansas have a chance for a big season. When no dominant team emerges, LSU always seems to find a way to outlast the opposition, even if they dont appear talented enough at the so-called skill positions. As for the Mississippi schools, it was nice while it lasted.
Sun Belt Conference
1. South Alabama Jaguars abuzz about swarm of ten transfers from UAB
2. Arkansas State Red Wolves in a stAte of transition on defense
3. Texas State Bobcats Were Franchione a francophone, hed say, bonjour, bowl game
4. Georgia Southern Eagles new OL leaves spread eagle offense in compromising position
5. Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin' Cajuns lack off pass rush will let foes pick their peppers
6. Appalachian State Mountaineers Last years lineup is Neer totally intact
7. Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks Coach Berry takes command of O for belligerent birds
8. Troy Trojans fans need Counselor Troi to do a level-one diagnostic on them
9. Idaho Vandals took the handles, but dont seem to use them, with minus-11 TO margin
10. New Mexico State Aggies continue to get everything crossed up in Las Cruces
11. Georgia State Panthers The Georgia Domes depressing enough without these guys
Outlook: The Jags get a much desired do-over, after weirdly introducing a whole new offensive scheme for their bowl game, thus letting a promising season end with a defeat, a 6-7 record, and abundant bumfuzzlement. By all rights, the Bobs should have been invited to their first bowl game last season. This time, they wont leave the committees much of a choice. Arky-State will contend as always, just as long as they dont get too badly beaten up in early games against USC and Missouri.
BOOBY-TRAP BALLGAMES
The College Football Czar has no idea who he will end up picking to win the following games, but he highlights them now as possible upsets which threaten to ensnare some of the nation's most prominent programs. The favored teams appear in bold face.
Sept. 3
TCU at Minnesota The Horned Frogs cant expect many challenges this season, so will they be ready for one on the opening Thursday night of the season? The Golden Gophers have come a long way since last years 30-7 defeat at Fort Worth. Maybe the way they rolled over Michigan was no big deal, but they also blew out Iowa, defeated Nebraska, and went toe-to-toe with Ohio State for four quarters before falling by a final of 31-24. These radiant rodents can be an impressive sight in their home stadium, where they were 6-0 heading into that OSU game. The Frogs didnt fare that well on the road in 2014, losing at Baylor, and barely withstanding West Virginia and Kansas.
Sept. 12
Temple at Cincinnati You never know until they start playing the games, but it sure looks like this could prove to be a decisive battle in determining the East division of the AAC. Last November, the undermanned Owls actually outgained the UC offense by 12 yards in a 14-6 loss. The Bearcats cant afford to be on cruise control, in between games against Division I-AA Alabama A&M and MAC doormat Miami Ohio. Temple is determined to record a couple big victories, so that it is finally known for something un-Cosby.
Sept. 19
Air Force at Michigan State Wishbone teams are always tough to prepare for, but especially just seven days after a marquee grudge match like MSU-Oregon. Especially if the Spartans prevail in that rematch with the webfoots, they could have trouble focusing on an AFA squad that is, needless to say, disciplined. The Falcons, who are idle the following week, will see no need to keep their lightning in a bottle.
Oct. 3
Baylor vs. Texas Tech Last year in Arlington, the Red Raiders had a late two-point attempt that could have forced overtime. The try failed, and BU escaped 48-46, but the damage was done, as the Bears national title chances had effectively ended. Tech QB Pat Mahomes, then a freshman, whaled on the Waco kids for 598 passing yards and six touchdowns. The Bears have won the last four games in this series, but theyve all been unsettling, high-scoring contests, with the teams combining for an average of 98.5 points per game. This years rematch is also a neutral-site indoor game at Jerry Jones House of Inadequacy, which means theyll need to score twelve more touchdowns just to make it interesting.
Ohio State at Indiana Conventional wisdom has it that the Buckeyes proved theyve solved the problem of up-tempo offenses by handling Oregon in last years championship game. However, those three consecutive first-half three-and-outs that let the OSU defense catch its breath were not primarily of its own doing. If they think two dropped UO third-down conversions and a missed interference penalty means theyve got the blueprint to beat the hurry-up, they could be ripe for a Hoosier upset. Last time the lumpy nuts visited IU was during their undefeated 2012 season, when they barely escaped with a 52-49 win. They clearly got gassed in the second half of that one, during which they allowed 35 points.
Oct. 10
LSU at South Carolina Unless a young Auburn team grows up in a hurry, the Bayou Bengals are likely to get to this point undefeated, mostly because their nonconference schedule is as solid as a bowl of gumbo. Come to think of it, at least gumbo has solid bits in it. The Tigers non-SEC slate is more like gumbo-flavored pudding. The Gamecocks were one of the most disappointing teams of 2014, which probably means you dont want to be Steve Spurriers opponent in his biggest home game of 2015.
Oct. 24
Tennessee at Alabama Traditionally, one of the great rivalries of college football, only the Volunteers perceive it as such anymore. To the Crimson Tide, its just another game against an East division also-ran, between battles with Texas A&M and LSU. The Vols are an experienced, improving team, from a school that still harbors considerable animosity toward Bama offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin, who left Knoxville after only one turbulent season as head coach.
Nov. 7
California at Oregon The Ducks played some ugly ball against the Golden Bears in last years 59-41 win at Levis Stadium. This time, they might start feeling a little too comfortable at home in Eugene, right after a big road game against Arizona State, and a week before traveling to Stanford. In coach Sonny Dykes second season in at Cal, his team was in seven games last year that were decided by eight points or fewer. In his third year at Louisiana Tech, he went 9-3 with a team that averaged 51.5 points per game, and then got hired away by the Bears. In spite of UOs recent dominance in this series, its hometown may be suffering from feelings of inferiority toward the Bay Area. Its a little-known fact that Eugene, Oregon once fell and hit its head, and then woke up thinking it was Berkeley.
Nov. 28
UCLA at USC The Bruins are lucky this is a season-ending rivalry game, because by then freshman QB Josh Rosen will have had a full season behind center in an otherwise loaded offense. With the Trojans trekking to Oregon a week earlier, theres a good chance they will either just have clinched a berth in the Pac 12 title game, or just have been eliminated. It may be hard to believe they could be unmotivated to play their crosstown foes, but it sure seemed like it last year, when they lost 38-20. With the exception of the Pete Carroll era, Southern Cal has been historically known for taking opponents likely. Once, they even let Fleetwood Mac march all the way into their end zone. Admittedly, Lindsey Buckingham is sneaky-fast, but still!
BOWL PROJECTIONS
Just for fun, the Czar takes his best preseason guesses at how the postseason might turn out.
Bowl .... Date .... Matchup .... Projection
Cure .. Dec. 19 AAC vs. Sun Belt .. C. Florida vs. La.-Lafayette
New Mexico .. Dec. 19 .. MWC vs. C-USA .. Nevada vs. Marshall
Las Vegas .. Dec. 19 .. Pac 12 vs. BYU^ .. UCLA vs. BYU
Camellia .. Dec. 19 .. MAC vs. Sun Belt .. Toledo vs. Ga. Southern
New Orleans .. Dec 19 .. Sun Belt vs. C-USA .. Arkansas St. vs. Rice
Miami Beach .. Dec. 21 .. C-USA vs. AAC .. W. Kentucky vs. Temple
Famous Idaho Potato .. Dec 22 .. MWC vs. MAC .. Utah St. vs. Umass
Boca Raton .. Dec. 22 .. AAC* vs. MAC .. Washington St. vs. Buffalo
Poinsettia .. Dec. 23 .. MWC vs. Army^* .. San Diego St. vs. Bowling Green
GoDaddy.com .. Dec. 23 .. Sun Belt vs. MAC .. S. Alabama vs. No. Illinois
Bahamas .. Dec. 24 .. C-USA vs. MAC .. Middle Tenn. vs. W. Michigan
Hawaii .. Dec. 24 .. MWC vs. AAC .. Boise St. vs. Cincinnati
St. Petersburg .. Dec. 26 .. AAC vs. C-USA .. E. Carolina vs. Fla. Intl
Sun .. Dec. 26 .. Pac 12 vs. ACC .. Arizona vs. Va. Tech
Heart of Dallas .. Dec. 26 .. C-USA vs. Big XII* .. La. Tech vs. Fresno St.
New Era Pinstripe .. Dec. 26 .. ACC vs. Big Ten .. Pitt vs. Penn St.
Independence .. Dec. 26 .. ACC vs. SEC .. Louisville vs. Ole Miss
Foster Farms .. Dec. 26 .. Big Ten vs. Pac 12 .. Indiana vs. California
Military .. Dec. 28 .. ACC vs. AAC .. Nc State vs. Navy
Quick Lane .. Dec. 28 .. Big Ten vs. ACC .. Illinois vs. Miami
Armed Forces .. Dec. 29 .. Big Ten vs. MWC .. Iowa vs. Air Force
Russell Athletic .. Dec. 29 .. ACC vs. Big XII .. N. Carolina vs. W. Virginia
Arizona .. Dec. 29 C-USA vs. MWC .. UTEP vs. Colorado St.
Texas .. Dec. 29 .. Big XII* vs. SEC* .. Houston vs. Texas St.
Birmingham .. Dec. 30 .. AAC vs. SEC* .. Memphis vs. Rutgers
Belk .. Dec. 30 .. ACC vs. SEC .. Boston Coll. vs. Auburn
Music City .. Dec. 30 .. SEC vs. ACC .. Tennessee vs. Florida St.
Holiday .. Dec. 30 .. Big XII vs. Pac 12 .. Kansas St. vs. Stanford
Peach .. Dec. 31 .. At-large vs. At-large .. Ga. Tech vs. Arkansas
Cotton .. Dec. 31 .. Semifinalist vs. Semifinalist .. USC vs. TCU
Orange .. Dec. 31 .. Semifinalist vs. Semifinalist .. Ohio St. vs Clemson
Outback .. Jan. 1 .. SEC vs. Big Ten .. Texas A&M vs. Nebraska
Fiesta .. Jan. 1 .. At-large vs. At-large .. Notre Dame vs. Oregon
Rose .. Jan 1 .. Big Ten vs. Pac 12 .. Michigan St. vs. Arizona St.
Sugar .. Jan. 1 .. SEC vs. Big XII .. LSU vs. Baylor
Citrus .. Jan. 1 .. SEC vs. Big Ten .. Georgia vs. Michigan
Gator .. Jan. 2 .. SEC vs. Big Ten .. Florida vs. Minnesota
Liberty .. Jan. 2 .. Big XII vs. SEC .. Texas vs. S. Carolina
Alamo .. Jan. 2 .. Big XII vs. Pac 12 .. Oklahoma St. vs. Utah
Cactus .. Jan. 2 .. Big XII vs. Big Ten .. Oklahoma vs. Wisconsin
Championship .. Jan. 11 .. Cotton winner vs. Orange winner .. USC vs. Ohio St.
* At large bid opens due to lack of eligible team to fulfill commitment
^ If eligible
-- Daniel Clark is a writer from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He is the author and editor of a web publication called The Shinbone: The Frontier of the Free Press, where he also publishes a seasonal sports digest as The College Football Czar.
Entertaining read in the lead-in items and I generally agree with the writer on most of those. I’m a Big 12 guy and I think he got close on the rankings. I see OSU handling Baylor this year to take the Cowboys to one of the New Year’s Day bowls. Good line on the “flat.”
LOL!
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