Your home page says you don't know how to post pictures.
We'll teach you - If'n you want.
Posted on 03/14/2015 6:56:58 PM PDT by blueunicorn6
Most of our snow, along with the neighbors from San Diego, has melted away. They didn't actually melt. It was more like they ran screaming back to warmth and Palm trees. Us hardier and poorer types look forward to the snow. We have to. It's all around us.
We have had warm winds blowing in from Canada the last couple of days. We call these "Chinook" winds. The Canadians call it "Blowing all the tumbleweeds South". I like our name better. The Canadians have a lot of strange names for things. They call a hat a "Took". They call beating somebody up on the iced over pond "Hockey". They call me "That ignorant bastard". I'm not all that ignorant. At least I know a hat is a hat. Up in Canada, they say, "Dave took his took". They should learn to speak American if they're all going to go to Las Vegas for the Winter and spend all their beaver pelts on Blackjack and showgirls.
The warm weather was making the four dogs a little stir crazy. The little dog has some sled dog in him. It's a tooth that broke off on his butt when a real sled dog bit him. Vet couldn't get it out. Serves him right. Riding his snowmobile by a bunch of hard working dogs pulling a sled. The dog, not the Vet. The Vet drives a $75,000 pickup. I don't. The registration on my pickup lists the color as "Duct Tape Grey".
I decided to take the four dogs to the woods and let them stretch their legs a bit which they all did to the first tree they came to after we stopped. I realize that peeing on trees is some kind of social thing for dogs. It's sort of like when us humans hand out business cards. It's a dogs way of letting everyone know that he's the West Coast Manager of Tree Peeing, LLC (Leg Lifting Canines). Even The Princess has to do it. She politely turns her head. I guess if you can't see that you're squatting to pee, then you maintain your decorum.
We have rattlesnakes in this part of the world. Normally, they hibernate in the winter like surfers. With the warm weather, I was a little worried they might come out. Sure enough, we hadn't gone a hundred yards when we saw one. A rattlesnake. The surfers were still snoozing. You may be wondering how a snake stays warm. He was wearing a baklava. Before you write in about my ignorance, I know the difference between a baklava and a balaclava. The stupid snake was wearing a Greek pastry on his head. And he was skiing. Where the heck does a snake go to buy one ski? Massachusetts?
Well, he was slaloming and schussing and hitting the moguls. He looked like a shock absorber on my 68 Cutlass. The dogs just sat there, awestruck. They do that a lot. Like when I'm fixing something. Try to get a dog to hand you a screwdriver. They get stumped trying to figure out the difference between a Phillips Head and a Flat Tip. I guess it took me a few years to figure that one out, too.
Old Jean Claude No Shoulders was finally by us, and we continued up the mountain.
The Little Dog was in the lead. I couldn't see him through the trees. All of a sudden, the other three dogs froze. Not literally. It wasn't that cold, remember?
There came a horrible sound from up ahead. Sort of like when my neighbor Mike closed his thumb in the gate, only without the swear words. My three brave canine companions turned tail and ran. I've heard that phrase, "Turned tail and ran". I finally got to see it. It's like they pivoted on their tails.
The Little Dog broke from cover with a bear in hot pursuit. Bears are really never friendly, but this one was furious. The Little Dog probably took him in a game of 3-Card Monte.
The Little Dog isn't fast, but what he lacks in speed, he more than makes up for in sneakiness. He was running right at me. He went by and gave me a little salute on the way. I was trying to figure out what kind of bear this was.
I remembered my Forest Service training where they taught me that Grizzly Bears are bigger and have a hunchback. I couldn't see a handicapped tag on the bear, but he looked pretty hunchbacked to me. I joined the dogs in flight to the pickup.
The hump-challenged bear almost had me when the snake on skis hit a jump and flew over us. Well, he must not have bought good ski boots because the ski came off and clunked the bear in the head. It dazed him and me and the dogs made it to the pickup. The Little Dog had locked me out again, but the Pudgy Dog Brother knew that none of the dogs knew how to drive the pickup (it had a stick shift....the sneaky Little One knows how to drive an automatic) so he let me in.
The bear shook off his head clunking and took off. All five of us sat in the pickup singing THE BEAR WENT OVER THE MOUNTAIN. The Little Dog was out of tune.
Patient presents with extremely pronounced symptoms of Cabin Fever. Fill out insurance paperwork, but do not treat, especially to alcohol.
Very good! Thank you, I needed a laugh and this did it.
LOL
Excellent.
I have never been over the Mason-Dixon line while it was cold so that I can’t relate but it was funny anyway! ;-)
Your home page says you don't know how to post pictures.
We'll teach you - If'n you want.
Thanks. I even showed it to DH, who almost never reads FR.
Great. White snakes. Probably hide in sacks of sugar. One minute, you’re making your coffee, and then you go to get a spoon of sugar, and you wind up putting a snake in your Starbucks. Oh, the world is a little less bright tonight.
You’re welcome. Malmstrom?
You’re welcome. My wife tells me she married me for my looks and not my sense of humor. I think she’s trying to be funny.
This was all over my FB snake groups this winter.
http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/snowsnake.asp
[we have weird senses of humor]
Ha.
A Snow Boa morph.
Good one.
:)
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