Posted on 10/28/2005 8:03:23 PM PDT by M203M4
So in the mail today I got the Christmas Victoria Secret catalogue (NO!! *that* is not why, and NO, I didn't do that with it either...).
While I'm distracted doing the work I brought home with me on the computer (on a friday no less, already losing some points with the wife), my wife is flipping through the catalogue and walks over to me, points at one of the pictures, and says, "hey, her abs look just like mine!"
Now, what followed was obviously a blatant act of war and was pretty darn stupid on my part. Without even looking at the catalogue, I continue staring at my screen and say (while joking of course, but without the intended tone, not that ANY tone could have saved me), "wha? The fat one?"
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am sleeping on the couch tonight.
That was ABSolutely the worst thing you could have said.
You are a living parody of that TV commercial where the wife asks the computing husband if this dress makes her look fat? His inattentive reply? "AbSolUteLy!"
Maybe I don't want to get married
Anytime your wife presents anything and compares herself to another woman the proper response is "honey, none can hold a candle to you"...and say it like you mean it.
I bet if you bought her that 12 million dollar bra she would forgive you.
Trust me: You don't.
Oopsies.
You are doomed you know.
I don't think there's any fat ladies in that catalogue! Well, at least you are not sleeping in the bathtub.
You actually got off easy. At least you're sleeping inside.
There's a worse answer. "No, I think it's your fat that makes you look fat."
Suicidal or just not very bright?
___________________
Jerry: Well, at least you probably had some, uh, pretty good make-up sex after.
George: I didn't have any sex.
Jerry: You didn't have make-up sex? How could you not have make-up sex? I mean that's the best feature of the heavy relationship.
George: I didn't have make-up sex.
Jerry: In your situation the only sex you're going to have better than make-up sex is if you're dent to prison and you have a conjugal visit.
George: Yeah, conjugal visit sex. That is happening!
Now, I know what we women put our husbands through. But honestly, unless your wife is really ripped, she couldn't truthfully expect you to simply say "Yes, honey. You should be a model in the VS catalog." Very few women that don't starve themselves look like the VS models. It's honestly a bit of a strange thing to comment on those womens' abs, to begin with. They're so anorexic that they've starved away all of their muscle tone.
My take, from my wifely experience...wifey wanted love and attention, and you were supposed to be aware of that, instead of being a dumb male and doing work on a Friday night.
Just go out tomorrow and get her some nice perfume and lingerie. All will be forgiven.
You get the Dumba$$ award tonight!!! If my DH ever said that to me he wouldn't be sleeping with me in our bed for a couple of nights! Man, you are in bad shape! Your going to have to really come up with something good to win her back after that!
Oh, and just in case you need some pointers on the perfume, I highly suggest Chanel No. 5, Trouble, or Euphoria by Calvin Klein. J'adore is nice as well. All are very sexy, and not too flowery or fruity.
A blank check would help, too.
Well, at least do the right thing. Ask to borrow the catalog for the evening.
LOL. Ya, I'm in trouble. Can't even come CLOSE to joking about this sort of thing with women. The 0.4 seconds of funny was not worth it.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.