Posted on 12/03/2004 11:17:46 AM PST by OXENinFLA
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her Twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move your roommate's personal effects around. Start subtly. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man," "Casablanca") almost inaudibly.
15. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian Arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
16. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
17. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
20. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
22. Eat glass.
23. Smoke ballpoint pens.
24. Smile. All the time.
25. Collect dog poop in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
475 more at link........
};O)
Learn how to fart on command.
hahahahahahaha!
That's a survival skill in my house.
ping! hehe
Immature.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
ROFL!!!
The subgenius must have slack!
35 Things you would like to say at work,...but won't...
but should
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
8. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
9. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
10. Visualizing? I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you being competent.
12. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
14. And your cry-baby whiny opinion would be...?
15. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
16. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
17. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
18. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
19. So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
20. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
21. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
22. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
23. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
24. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
25. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
26. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
27. No, my powers can only be used for good.
28. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
29. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
30. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
31. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
32. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
33. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
34. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
35. Some day we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Man's Answers to Every Question a Woman ever asks
14.WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
My former boss had a t-shirt with that saying. In reality, he was busy all the time, and not just in his cells.
My wife's Asian, and she always tells me that farting is good for the body. So one night I had two bowls of chili....now she doesn't appreciate the wind. Says while it's good for my body, it's not good for hers...
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