Posted on 07/21/2022 2:20:09 PM PDT by DFG
Hundreds of thousands of people are fleeing California for states like Texas and Florida, but it's not always easy to adjust to life in an American state.
Let's look at the 10 biggest adjustments fleeing Californians have to make in their new states:
Strange wet stuff falls from the sky once in a while. Try not to drive your car into a pole when this happens. Take a deep breath. You will get through it. People don't say "The" in front of highway names. If you're driving on I-10 in Texas, you'll feel the urge to say "The 10," but don't do it. It's wrong. You can't wear flip-flops to church. Not even your "nice" Vans flip-flops. Put on shoes like an adult. There's no need to call the police if you see someone with a gun strapped to their hip. It's OK. The guns can't jump out and hurt you, no matter what Newsom told you back in California. "Bless your heart" doesn't mean "bless your heart." Well, it might mean "bless your heart," but it's a safer bet that it means "that person's weird," or "you're an idiot," or "I don't like you." Or, it's a simple ending to a statement you've made about someone that you don't want to feel bad about. No one cares about your preferred pronouns. Go ahead and tell an old farmer in Oklahoma that you go by "they" pronouns. The look on his face will be worth it. Man-buns are unacceptable in a professional setting. Or any setting. You have to go into buildings without any kind of official warning that something inside there might cause cancer. You will just have to take the chance. Be strong. The weather cycles from hot to cold and back again on an annual basis. Do not be alarmed. These are called "seasons." You might have to make your own choices and take responsibility for your actions without the government taking care of you. This is the most difficult adjustment for Californians to make when they move to America, but with time, prayer (also acceptable in red states), and willpower, you can do it! Those are just a few of the many adjustments ex-Californians will have to make. If you've thought of any others, please leave them in the comments below to help these poor communists to enjoy capitalism away from their homeland.
Up on Main Street a few minutes ago I watched a man lock his bicycle to a “No Parking” sign.
Obviously a visitor. No one locks anything here. (Petersburg, Alaska)
Confirmed when I said “Good morning” and he ignored me.
God works in strange ways, doesn’t He?
I really never knew Californian’s said ‘the’in front of highway names.
But here in Phx we did used to say The Black Canyon for our freeway and I think we do on occasion say ‘the’ I-19.
Huh.
“California weather is basically perfect.”
Unless it is a dry wind feeding a raging forest fire, or a torrential rain that sweeps away a whole hillside, or a snowstorm in the Sierras that unleashes roaring floods that swell over the banks of wild rivers during the spring melt.
Yeah, weather is fine, as long as the electrical grid doesn’t go down and cause a brownout or blackout affecting air conditioning in major metropolitan areas.
And don’t forget earthquakes. While not actually weather as such, an awful lot of dishes get rattled out of the cupboards, and rifts open in the earth, displacing roads and disrupting communications.
Starting to see a lot of California, Colorado, Vermont and North Carolina license plates in East Tennessee...NOT a good sign, although the locals don’t seem to understand.
It only made #9 on their list:
9. The weather cycles from hot to cold and back again on an annual basis. Do not be alarmed. These are called “seasons.”
Yeah that “perfect weather” is starving them of water.
Metallic lead isn’t all that carcinogenic. Mostly when it’s in compounds or in solution. Just don’t dissolve the bullets first and you don’t have to give the burglar a Prop 65 warning.
No, too humid. Kali’s used to be reasonably temperate year round, still enough rain, but not uncomfortably humid when it’s not raining.
These visitors may find useful the following travel advice issued by the Southern Tourism Bureau to all visiting Northerners and Northeasterners.
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubby, Bobby Ray, Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.), or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called a Coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g.,Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.
5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of FedEx, Turner Broadcasting, MCI World Com, MTV, Netscape, Dell computers, etc). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we'd kick their ass.
6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.
7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is. So, shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your ass.
8) Don't put ketchup on your eggs. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits the way God intended - with gravy, and don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.
9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern hell-holes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.
10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we're saying. All other Southerners understand what we're saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass.
11) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Central Park.
12) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.
13) So you think we're quaint bumpkins because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your sorry ass.
14) Nothing in California is Southern, so if you come down here, don't think you're one of us just because you say you're from Southern California. Your Mexicans didn't invent low riders, ours did, and the food is Tex Mex. It isn't Cali Mex. You haven't contributed anything to the South so don't take credit or we'll kick your ass.
15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbeque, and you will go home in a pine box....minus your ass.
1. There is only one natural lake of size in Texas, Caddo Lake. All of the other "lakes" are man-made, while California hasn't built a new reservoir in 40 years.
2. Since gaining its independence in 1836, no one from El Paso has won a statewide election race. Beto's light grows dimmer by the day, as Abbott has focused more on the border...he was late to the dance, but he's making up for it.
Some people say we’re going to ‘the’ Walmarts.
No kidding! 😁
I saw a Wisconsin tag at Wal-Mart the other day. Fun watching the expression on their faces when they roll up on a tent revival with gospel music blasting in the parking lot at Wal-Mart.
Only Southern Californians say “the” before highway numbers
There’s an Interstate 19 in Phoenix? When did they build that?
Not any more. My experiences in the Bay Area tell me that the trend is statewide.
The exception for #7 is Toshiro Mifune!
Another great Bee article...
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.