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Afghanistan Fiasco Gets Worse [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 August 2021 | John Semmens

Posted on 08/30/2021 9:09:32 AM PDT by John Semmens

After allowing the Taliban to seize the weapons the US provided to the elected Afghan government for national defense and conquer the country, the task of extracting US citizens from Afghanistan has become much more difficult than it had to be. In a bid for help, the Biden Administration has provided the Taliban with a list of US citizens and Afghans who assisted US troops over the past 20 years of warfare.

Biden explained "look we don't know how to get these people out safely. As a gesture of our good will we are showing the Taliban that we trust them to help extract our people. The list we provided will help them find the people we've named and escort them to safety. At least that's what we hope will happen." Since the list was handed out, suicide bombers have attacked the crowds of people at the Kabul Airport trying to flee the country. More than a dozen US soldiers and over 100 Afghans were killed.

In response to these bombings, Biden declared "we will not forgive. We will not forget. We will hunt you down and make you pay. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one or more will be appointed for your defense. If you cannot pay, we will arrange a loan on favorable terms. If you cannot afford bail we will release you on your own recognizance. We will show you the difference between our civilized society and your barbarism."

Unfortunately, the hunting down phase of Biden's threatened vengeance has been rendered nearly impossible by the abandonment of the Bagram Air Base he ordered last month. He blamed this bad decision on "the advice of my generals who seem more focused on ensuring that transgender soldiers and marines get first priority for evacuation. They tell me that the Taliban regard such troops as perverts and would subject them to death by torture if they are left behind."

Many have criticized Biden's handling of the Afghanistan pullout. Former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair called Biden's decision to withdraw troops without first evacuating citizens "imbecilic." Current UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson declared we would be better off with Trump. However, Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-Ill) praised Biden's performance, saying "as I see it, the average American is very well-represented by a President of average intelligence. He is doing what any of them might be doing if they were in his shoes. Demanding that he resign and be replaced by someone with more competence is pure elitism. A democratic country needs to be run by an average person, not a smart aleck like Trump."

On MSNBC's Morning Joe show, co-host Joe Scarborough predicted that "the Afghanistan disaster will eventually fade from the headlines. The media will get back to reminding everyone of Trump's many catastrophic failures. Americans will fall back in love with good old Joe Biden, the man who epitomizes the 'average Joe' legend in this country."

Finally, President Biden has decided that "no one will be fired for the chaos his Administration has created in Afghanistan. "I take responsibility for what happened," he said. "The buck stops with me. If anyone should be fired it would be me, but I have not been instructed to fire myself. So I won't fire myself. I'm confident that if it ever becomes appropriate for me to fire myself or resign I will be instructed to do so and will comply."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=446825.0


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Military/Veterans; Politics
KEYWORDS: afghanistan; biden; bombings; california; nancypelosi; satire; taliban; waronterror

1 posted on 08/30/2021 9:09:32 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

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2 posted on 08/30/2021 10:16:04 AM PDT by aquila48 (Do not let them make you care! Guilting you is how they control you. )
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