Posted on 03/10/2016 12:51:52 PM PST by rfreedom4u
Since my last update things have soured once again. My wife was hospitalized for two weeks and was telling her shrink and counselor that we are going through a divorce. We weren’t at the time but we are now.
She has been very adamant that she wants a divorce and I’ve given up on trying anymore. I realize that I will be free of the hellish life of worry and grief. Once again she states she has been seeing angels and demons, and inanimate objects being moved around by ghosts.
I delayed filing the petition for divorce because I knew she wasn’t in her right mind. She continued to press me on when I was going to do it so I filed on Monday. She filed her response on Wednesday.
She called me at lunch today to tell me that she is happy we are divorcing. She says we’ve always been incompatible as husband and wife and also anatomically. I was a little thrown off by that so I asked her if she was becoming a lesbian to which she replied she wasn’t. She did tell me that someone else had asked her to marry him and she accepted. I didn’t ask who it was but did mention things like who will be the maid of honor etc. She said that it is complicated because Michael asked her to marry him. By Michael she meant the Arch-Angel. She said she is torn as to whether she will stay in Texas or move back to Philly. If she moves to Philly she has a life long friend that said she could live with her. I’ve begun putting my departure plan into motion (acquiring things I will need) and have set a rather ambitious goal of this January. If all goes smoothly the divorce will be final by the end of May. She will continue to have medical coverage along with a portion of my retirement pay. Our kids haven’t said much about it yet. One has stated that she doubts we will actually get divorced. I have had mixed feelings about the whole thing. On one hand I am saddened that it has come to this. On the other hand I am relieved that I will be free of an unhappy life and constantly being on guard for her next episode. Twenty-seven years of marriage of which nineteen have been like this has been rough. Seventy percent of my married life has been spent dealing with her mental illness. I can’t continue to do it as I feel too drained to do so.
The below link is to my original post which has a link to my second post.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/3317547/posts
I understand - going through something similar at the moment. You truly cannot help those who don’t wish to be helped.
Truer words...
Prayers for you and yours, man. Regardless of what happens, I trust it will be for the best, FRiend.
Do not make a bad situation worse by staying with her to the grave. However, you need to feel comfortable in your decision to divorce, as well. To hell with others who might think you are not behaving honorably. You can always remarry her should things improve. Money issues are a whole different matter.
Good luck to you.
None of us are in a position to judge you. You’ve stayed far longer than I know I could have. Sometimes we just have to let go, to retain our own sanity and peace. I divorced my philandering husband back in ‘79, and never looked back. Raised my two sons by myself, and was far happier. I’ve always said I’d rather live alone and be happy, than live with someone and be totally miserable. I never remarried, retired in 2003, and enjoy my solitude and privacy. I will pray for you.
A divorce, and clear settlement of assets and debts, may be the best thing for both of you. Once it is final, you may be able to help her more from the outside without being held responsible for her problems.
If you can keep the lines of communication open with her friend, not even mentioning her mental health, just by saying that your divorce is not acrimonious, it will help a lot. Then when she demonstrates her mental illness to her friend, they can talk to you, instead of just turning her out on the street.
Praying for both of you. No winners in stuff like this.
The friend is aware of everything already.
Praying for you and your family.
Sorry and good luck getting through this. No condemnation here.
Just drop off the key Lee...
“At some point you have to take care of yourself.”
And your children. It is the responsibility of the sane parent to remove children from an unsafe environment.
Been through this rodeo so this is my point view.
Is better to go through at a a median than to go with lawyers. Attorneys will make money to both of them argue. It’s a game for them for the billing. Better to file the divorce yourself and see the judge/magistrate directly. May be different to depending on you state. In in Florida its $400 to file, division of assets, and responsibly to alimony. My friend did this and had a better results my expensive attorney.
If the divorce to financial maintain the disability only for own?
Is she fit to divorce with her illness. However one of my friends had his wife committed and she went though divorce.
I has happier that with her then with her.
Of course it’s you situation.
When someone has abandoned you via adultery, addiction and serious abuse, it is reasonable to say the marriage is over and end it.
When someone is this mentally ill and will not take drugs and attend counseling to rectify mind with reality, they have abandoned you - and you can leave. Especially if they’ve repeatedly been non-compliant of medication and/or they are physically dangerous to themselves and others when they refuse to take the drugs.
A large minority of mentally ill like the bipolar try to self medicate via alcohol and other drugs.
My comment to you on 7/30/15:
Sorry about your situation. But divorce is the best option.
A buddy of mine was in a marriage with a woman that was acting the same as your description. He tried and tried to make it work. Our friends and I told him for two years to get out.
She got to the point of regularly going into rages and hitting him and his teen son. They tried various medicines that had widely varying results, from days and days on a couch to amnesia. Nothing worked. Not even stays in jail and hospital.
He finally filed for divorce, lost half his retirement, moved away with his son, found a great lady, and never looked back. Among the happiest guys I know now.
Which is worse, looking two years ahead and not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel; or looking two years ahead and seeing some sunshine!
The hard part today is that there are fewer psych beds than there were in the 1950s and 4x as many people.
So unless the person is dangerous to themselves or other people, you can’t get more than a 72 hour commitment unless paying through the nose for a private facility.
Get her thyroid checked, since that gland going far out of normal range as part of menopause can get mistaken for mental illness or make minor underlying cases far worse.
Thanks, don't know if that's been checked but will have my wife pass on this idea. She has another sister who had thyroid problems years ago, maybe it runs in the family. This sister-in-law of mine with mental issues has been complaining of menopause, can't sleep and feels she's going crazy. Taking it out on others and driving them away. Used to be a sweet mild gal; not any more.
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