DoD Stands by Its Policy of Barring Personnel from Carrying Arms [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 July 2015 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Despite the mass murder of personnel at a Chattanooga, Tennessee military recruiting office by Mohammad Youssuf Abdulazeez last week, Secretary of Defense Ash Carter rejected suggestions that on-duty armed forces members be allowed to carry guns.

“Sad as we all are for the tragic loss experienced in Tennessee, arming our soldiers and sailors is not the answer,” Carter adamantly declared. “Turning a crime scene into a war zone by arming our men escalates the situation and could lead to even greater loss of life.”

Carter also contended that having military personnel go about carrying weapons “would unduly frighten the general public. Making people feel unsafe on the streets, in the city and in their neighborhoods adds unhealthy stress to their lives. This would be too high a price to pay in order to give our troops the ability to defend themselves against the occasional crazed gunman.”

In related news, the Army has warned its recruiters to treat the gun-toting civilians who have been voluntarily standing guard at enlistment centers across the country as a security threat. As Army chief of staff Gen. Ray Odierno put it, “in the view of both the Department of Defense and the Department of Homeland Security, the millions of private citizens who own guns pose a far greater threat than the much smaller number of Islamic terrorists theses volunteers purport to be protecting us from. Military personnel at recruiting centers are advised to call on local police to disperse these ‘volunteers.’”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2015/07/28/administration-says-failure-to-accept-iran-deal-means-war/

[from occupied ga]

So where’s the satire?

[mountainlion]

I guess you can not have armed Police without panicking he ones in the ghettos. Also you do not want military trained in the use of guns to defend themselves as the ROP troops need to be equally skilled to those they are after. 0 said you take a knife to a fight we take a gun. All knives musty be removed form military posts.

[thorvaldr]

“So where’s the satire?”

Exactly, he just seems to be parroting the actual DoD policy.

I’m sure ISIS, the Taliban and Russia will be glad to hear the on-duty American soldiers can’t be trusted to carry weapons.

[marktwain]

This “satire” is very heavy on the truth side...

[LegendHasIt]

Reminds me of something long ago forgotten back in my army days.

I was among other things, the unarmed combat instructor for my Company; We were out on a live fire FTX, and our new Company Commander, a newly minted Captain joined us in the field.

During a break in the exercise I was doing a little demonstration / instructing for some of the guys with some padded nunchaku, when the little punk came running up to me, screaming that I was under arrest and would be Court Martialed for carrying a deadly weapon.

I went a little ballistic. Said: “We are all out here with loaded M-16s, you have a tinhorn’s 12 inch bowie knife strapped to your waist, and you have the audacity to shriek at me for having padded nunchuks that would only be deadly if I shoved them down your (expletive) throat...”

Fortunately for both of us, the Battalion Commander, who knew me well from our Ranger Battalion days (He was XO there, I was commo chief) was nearby and had seen heard the whole thing, came running over.

He said; “ Bob” (he called me Bob... I called him Colonel), “Don’t you have some Leave time built up?” “Now would be a good time to take about two weeks of it.” “I’ll have my driver run you back to HQ, and radio them to have your leave paper ready.” ...

Well, I came back two weeks later, sort of expecting a court martial waiting for me, or at least an Article Fifteen and maybe lose a stripe... Surprisingly, I came back to an additional stripe, and a new, new Company Commander with whom I got on very well.