Posted on 07/27/2015 10:44:46 AM PDT by John Semmens
Former Maryland governor and current contender for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination Martin O'Malley vowed to extend the rights of US citizenship to every alien in the country on day one of his administration.
“According to our Constitution, all men are created equal,” O'Malley maintained. “It is a crime against humanity for us to treat people unequally based on their place of birth. Humans have the right to live wherever they want. Our government has the obligation to ensure that every human who chooses to live in America receives everything to which he or she is entitled.”
As O'Malley sees it, the list of things to which every human is entitled includes “decent housing, nutritious food, health care, education and enough pocket money to have some fun once in a while.” In order to empower recent immigrants' ability to obtain these things, O'Malley promised to issue an executive order granting citizenship to anyone who wants it, because “unless people have the right to vote they have no way of ensuring that the candidates who will guarantee them a fair share of the nation's wealth can be elected.”
O'Malley denounced President Obama's approach to the illegal alien situation as “excessively passive and niggardly. Restricting benefits to those strong enough and ambitious enough to make their way into the US by their own efforts leaves those too weak or lazy to make the arduous trek on the outside. Under my administration we will give bus, train, or plane fare to anyone, anywhere who wants to come to America. As with other human rights, like abortion—we can't let inability to pay lead to exclusion.”
In related news, under orders from President Obama, the US Citizenship and Immigration Services announced it will no longer require new citizens to pledge to defend the United States as part of the Oath of Allegiance they recite at their naturalization ceremony. Immigration official Juan Osuna explained the move as “an effort to accommodate the religious objections of many immigrants. For immigrants from the Middle East, for example, their Muslim faith demands that they wage war on unbelievers. Rather than disbar such individuals from obtaining US citizenship or forcing them to lie, it is easier to just change the language of the oath.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,175640.0.html
Easy to fall for this one, given O’Malley’s recent statements on assault weapons and national gun registry, which were NOT satire.
I have an idea, just let all the Mexicans and central Americans come here and all the productive Americans can move down there.
I bet I can see where that would go.
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