Posted on 09/29/2004 4:52:20 AM PDT by PJ-Comix
In today’s morning edition of the DUmmie FUnnies, the DUmmies proudly wear their tinfoil hats and come up with a conspiracy about how “peak oil” is tied into a Bush World Reich. The conspiracies here fly faster than a Michael Rivero wet dream. So put on your own tinfoil hats so you can tune in to the DUmmie conspiracy frequency presented here in this edition of the DUmmie Funnies. As usual, the comments of your humble correspondent (wearing his own tinfoil hat), are in the [brackets]:
It's all beginning to make perfect sense.
[Uh-Oh! When you hear a DUmmie say this, you just know wild conspiracy theories are about to fly. Hold on to your tinfoil hats!]
A made-for-TY SPECTACULAR "New Pearl Harbor" aka "Reichstag Fire" blamed on fundamentalist Muslim extremists but actually orchestrated from deep within the National Security Aparatus horrifies and outrages global citizens, particularly Americans, and is used to launch a "war that will not end in our lifetimes" first step in surrounding the Caspian basin, home of the largest last known remaining reserves of oil and natural gas. Although Peak Oil -- the point at which half the worlds known hydrocarbon reserves have been consumed and the point beyond which further hydrocarbon production becomes increasingly expensive relative to demand -- remains a looming economic threat, nevertheless military supremacy is held in the region.
[Hmmm….So 9-11 was just a staged event in order to have access to the oil in the Caspian basin? Oooooh! My tinfoil hat is already glowing brightly!]
However, those TRULY in the know know that although Peak Oil is a "reality" it is only a concern DUE TO INCREASED GLOBAL POPULATION which hydrocarbon energy has made possible. Without hydrocarbons for fertilizers, pesticides, fuels for cultivation, harvesting, transporting, processing, packaging and distributing, WHAT would the population of the planet be? What was it a mere 200 years ago? A significant and relatively rapid reduction in global population to 1 Billion or under and the "peak oil" problem is "solved".
[The mind of an economics professor at work here. In order to make the oil last longer, the Bush regime plans to eliminate most of the world’s population. Right now my tinfoil hat is not only glowing but it is also VIBRATING!!!]
This is the New Reich's FINAL SOLUTION. And this is why PNAC NEO-NAZIS will do anything ANYTHING within their power to remain in complete control of the US Federal Government -- possessing the largest WMDs on the planet. Even if their IDIOT N CHIEF is replaced in November, THEY WILL NOT YEILD CONTROL OF THE NATIONAL SECURITY APARATUS.
[As John Wayne said in She Wore A Yellow Ribbon, “P-NACing, Mr. Pinell? P-NACing?”]
To complete their agenda they need to instigate a Global War. The "War on Terrorism" is playing fairly well at home -- as we all see, everyone, even the Liberals talk of nothing but "terrorists" and "wars" and "attacks on America" (all bogus) -- but not quite well enough. There is still the real possibility of losing control of the media induced sleep in which the vast majority of the American (and, to a lesser extent, world) population has been entranced. It is clear that to retain military control over South East Asia, A DRAFT WILL BE NECESSARY. And it is equally obvious that, AS IT STANDS, the American People, even WITH the horrors of 9/11, no longer believe that the current fighting which has cost over 1,000 American lives is effecting its stated aim of "making Americans safe." No, to the contrary, Americans are waking up to the reality that this "war" is BLOOD FOR OIL -- and very likely, blood for Halliburton profit. Even the FREEPERS are beginning to smell this rat.
[SNIFF! SNIFF! Yup! I do detect a certain Mickey Mouse conspiracy theory in the air.]
POSSIBILITY "A": The media continues to hype that John Kerry and George W. Bush are running neck and neck and, although this is not in fact the case, manage to convince everyone that it is the case, sufficiently so that when the voting is completed, they can tell us once again BUSH WON. Although some will argue that it is a lie they will for the most part be simply ignored. Who will be able to PROVE differently?
POSSIBILITY "B": Another terrorist attack, worse than 9/11 by a magnitude of at last 100 (half a million dead) throws the US and the globe into PANIC. Although highly risky, this scenario allows for very fast justification and mobilization of the US lock down. Martial Law, FEMA powers, the whole US placed on a permanent war footing, the "war on terrorism" sham reinvigorated, 'we're all in the army now.'
POSSIBILITY "C": John Kerry is allowed to "win" the election and the fascist neoconservatives go into defensive mode. This, however, does not solve the problem of peak oil or the problem of a massive national debt and impending economic catastrophe or the real possibility that agents of the National Security State could STILL pull POSSIBILITY "B" and blaming it and its consequences on "ineffectual Liberals" aka Democrats.
[POSSIBILITY “D”: You’re institutionalized. Daily treatments of lithium injection and electroshock therapy. Full frontal lobotomy is a very real possibility followed by years of heavy duty butterfly netting on the Happy Farms yard. Tinfoil hat privileges to be permanently revoked.]
I do hope I'm just a paranoid freak, but I doubt it. They didn't just put an idiot in the White House, kill 3,000 citizens and launch a two front war in the middle east to be voted out just because we don't like it.
[A paranoid freak? You? Who woulda thunk it?]
The intersting thing here is that they were, according to this VERY repoutable article, "involved with" (i.e. were MANAGING MONEY FOR) the financial ARCHITECTS of Naziism. That means the Bushes provided the money for the Third Reich. They were BEHIND it. They were PART of it. They WERE it.
[YUP! Hitler was powerless until the evil Bushes gave him the billions needed to finance his regime. Oh, and would you autograph my tinfoil hat?]
I know that only a small percentage of people understand this story let alone feel it is important to raise in this election , but DAMNIT, THESE PEOPLE ARE CORRUPT AND RUTHLESS MASS MURDERERS AND TORTURERS NOT ONLY THEN BUT TODAY. It ALL adds up…
[…to acute paranoia.]
Are you saying * will ravage the planet for oil? Is oil the bottom line?
[Also broccoli. The Bushes will ravage the earth and destroy us all in order to secure the sources of broccoli production.]
The explosive growth of three private water utility companies in the last 10 years raises fears that mankind may be losing control of its most vital resource to a handful of monopolistic corporations. In Europe and North America, analysts predict that within the next 15 years these companies will control 65 percent to 75 percent of what are now public waterworks.
[OOPS! My mistake. The Bush regime will ravage the planet for oil, broccoli, AND water.]
PING!
Oh, goodness...as usual these DUmmies have left me speechless (well, almost).
That was all from one post? Karl Rove must have written it to make DU look bad.
These people are Certifiable, just certifiable.
Do you think they ever get lost in their own universe and can't find the door?
PJ, addd me to your ping list. A good daily laugh is excellent help in lowering the blood pressure!
I like all the DUers who seem to blame this Hurricane season on the 2000 election fiasco.
The same allegations and similar "connections" can be found on the Stormfront website and the like. That is not a coincidence.
Thanks for the ping....your analysis is soooo dam funny....I Love it!!!
I thought the hurricanes were the result of a conspiracy between Bush and God--to keep people from paying attention to the Kerry campaign? Either that or God punishing the state for giving the election to Bush in 2000. I have seen both of these theories discussed seriously on DU (but lots of people who claim not to believe in God at all). Baffling isn't it?
I love the DUmmy FUnnies
Don't try to electroshock any of these twits, you'll cause a nationwide blackout!
Add in hearts of palm and avocado and it describes the salad I had last night.
Are you sure you didn't get all of this off of an Al Qaeda web site? These people have more in common with Al Qaeda than they do with ordinary Americans.
I agree. But for some reason they think that EVERYONE ELSE is stupid. What is going on with that? I guess just really out of touch....
Can you add an DF addition of the hurricane conspiracy theories? That would be so cool...
I presume you mean that they will secure the sources of broccoli production in order to prevent its proliferation. Recall that Poppy Bush is not fond of the stuff.
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