Posted on 01/17/2023 6:21:54 AM PST by dennisw
· WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden has called on Americans to refrain from cooking with gas stoves for the next two weeks to help "flatten the curve".
"It's real simple, folks," said President Biden. "These gas stoves have brought upon us a terrible pandemic of asthma, brain damage, and scurvy! Now folks, I still believe in America. I believe we can beat these stoves! And it starts with us coming together to flatten the curve of, you know, the thing! For just two weeks, America! Not a joke!"
In addition to the two week ban on gas stoves, the Biden administration has also recommended social distancing from gas stoves for the foreseeable future. "After the two weeks, if you must cook on a gas stove, we recommend doing so from a safe distance of six feet," said Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. "We advise all kitchens be marked six feet from the gas stove, and ingredients be lobbed at your pans from that safe distance. The science on this is settled. All of these precautions should be continued until Moderna comes out with their brand-new gas stove vaccine."
While many Americans have heeded the President's call, the administration has expressed deep frustration at the stubborn refusal of Republican-leaning areas. "We have to have consequences for people who refuse to follow the science, and risk the lives of others by continuing to cook with gas," said MSNBC's Rachel Maddow. "The first step ought to be a stove passport, which only allows those with electric stoves to participate in society. If that's not sufficient, then we must refuse hospital beds to those who brought sickness on themselves with their ignorant choice of stove."
At publishing time, the Biden administration had extended the two week timeframe to whenever the next President sworn in.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
If you overdone it on beans, there is conversion kit available.
It converts the LP to FG (FartGas).
You can save the environment twice!
A stove passport. LOL!
Chinese pizza. Sounds interesting.
I’m working on a fart filter/muffler (waiting on my $500,000,000 grant from the EPA)....looking for woke people to sign up for a study. I need thousands of volunteers...all they need to do is turn on their webcams and live-stream, then shove the device up their a$$es and let it rip.
Burn wood pretend your camping.
Good one! 😂
LOLOL...this is hilarious throughout! Thanks for posting!
When they pry my 6 burner Viking gas range from my cold, dead fingers.....
Interestingly a large number of libs/Dems cook with gas stoves. It’s become sort of a sport on Tweater to seek them out. Even Greta Thuneberg LOL.
You don’t really have to get rid of the gas stove - Algore and John Kerry are both selling gas stove credits. For $100 a month you can forget about guilt over those perfect scrambled eggs.
So sad for your relatives. It seems it may be too late for them to avoid brain damage.😢
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