Posted on 03/04/2018 9:23:43 AM PST by Silentgypsy
HELL—The demonic forces of Satan proudly announced Thursday the debut of 13 new varieties of pineapple pizza, designed to torture millions of humans deceived into consuming the hellish abominations.
The exciting new spins on pineapple pizza were forged in the fires of the hottest portions of hell, and are designed to cause the greatest pain and suffering on earth as possible.
“We expect the new Krazy Pineapple Kale pizza to be especially nefarious,” one high-ranking demonic official said in a board meeting unveiling the new assault on all things good and holy. “The pizzas shall masquerade as good and wholesome food, but in reality they shall be agents of His Darkness Lucifer. Hail Satan! Hail Satan!”
Other varieties the armies of Satan are preparing to foister upon unsuspecting humans worldwide include Deluxe Lutefisk Pineapple, Tropical Tuna Pineapple, and Pineapple Marshmallow Delight.
Hell’s distribution center reportedly began shipping Satan’s pizzas to select test markets this week.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Eggplant sounds good!
My feelings exactly.
Me,too.
Probably those frozen pizza square slices, iirc. Nothing was redeemable about them.
I know. I don’t like my food together, touching—as in PB&J on separate plates.
Say, is the NFL’s new pizza partner going to sue BB for mocking potential future NFL Sunday offerings?
My thoughts on pineapple pizza are the same as my thoughts on sun-dried tomato bagels.
Yuk !!!!!
.
Mislabeled. Should be in cardboard display.
When you get a heads up from your sources, let us know.
Yes. Eggplant is great.
I’ve had Sausage and Pepper & Onion pizza that was incredible. The pepper and onion were sautéed.
The sausage-pepper-onion is a twist on the sandwiches they used to serve at the Festa de San Giuseppe or some feast. the zeppole and calzones were my jam, though.
Snopes ought to investigate this.
I mean, since they’re already on site and all.
It is not a sacrilege in a league with putting mayonnaise on a hoagie.
One Lutfisk pineapple to go, hold the anchovies.
Fruit does not belong on pizza. If you find yourself presented with a pineapple pizza then add bacon. Lots of bacon. There is nothing in the world that can’t be improved by the liberal application of bacon.
Concur. (Although pineapple marshmallow does sound like something created by the forces of evil, no?)
Hey! Is that a Footprint right there?
Isn’t a hoagie similar to a sub sandwich?
You have been tortured in a past life. Please feel free to gross me out as much as you like.
If there’s anywhere we can find a warrior who can counter the forces of evil, it’s FR. You go, cc!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.