Posted on 09/24/2017 3:31:11 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Spend a little time with single women in their early to mid-30s, and you'll be grateful you're not one of them. The relationship scene is even more dismal today than when I was their age. All the women want serious relationships that lead to marriage, but many of the men they meet do not. All too often a woman moves in with some guy, hoping they're on the road to somewhere. Two years later, he tells her he's not ready for marriage and kids just yet. Splat.
But wait. Hasn't online dating made the mating market easier? Yes – for men. If you really want to hear a woman rant, just utter the word Tinder.
Single women are more equal and empowered than ever before. They have unparalleled sexual, reproductive and economic autonomy. In many ways, they're doing much better than the men. (Just look at the lopsided university graduation rates, which are now around 60-40). And yet, large numbers of young women admit their private lives are a sad mess.
If you're a gender studies major, stop reading here. You're going to hate what I've got to say next. I don't like it much myself.
In a nutshell, over the past few decades, the traditional relationship exchange has broken down. It used to be that men and women each had something the other really needed. Men needed access to sex. Women needed access to resources. Men couldn't get steady access to sex unless they had resources to offer, so they worked hard for them. The partnership between men and women was a grand bargain that (usually) left both sides better off.
For men, sex was traditionally expensive. The price tag was a long-term commitment to provide for a woman (and children). But today, sex is cheap. And that changes everything.
This is the premise of a bracing new book, Cheap Sex, by American sociologist Mark Regnerus. Sex got cheap because of three technological developments: the advent of the Pill, which divorced fertility from sex; the onset of mass-produced, high-quality pornography; and the arrival of online dating sites, which make it easy for men to find willing sex partners.
Sexual liberation is a fabulous thing – in some ways. But it can also turn men into louts, because women don't expect much in return for access. Today, most men can have all the sex they want for very little cost – no fancy dinner required. The irony, as Mr. Regnerus writes, is that today's mating market is probably more dominated by men's interests than ever before.
When women complain that marriageable men (sober, steady good providers) are harder to find than ever, they may well be right. The marriage rate is falling steadily, especially among the lower middle class, while long-term stable marriage is increasingly a privilege reserved for the better off.
A lot of women seem to have their act together these days. But a lot of men don't. "I think the greatest, most astonishing fact that I am aware of in social science right now is that women have been able to hear the labour market screaming out 'You need more education'… and men have not," MIT economics professor Michael Greenstone says in Cheap Sex.
What might explain this puzzling fact? Men don't have to prove themselves as providers any more. They can get all the sex they want anyway – including online porn on demand that can make the real thing feel mildly disappointing. (Ask younger women about men and porn. You'll get an earful.)
Like it or not, women have always been the gatekeepers for sex – not because they don't like sex, too, but because (no matter what you learned in gender studies) men's sex drive is innately higher. This means it's up to us to make the rules. "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" my father used to say. It drove me crazy when he said that. Now, it's dawned on me that he was right.
Since the women's cartel collapsed, women's bargaining power has seriously eroded. That's why so many single women hate Tinder, which has further commodified sex for the benefit of men. Women are just another consumer good in the shop window.
It may take a village to raise a child. But it takes a village to raise a husband, too. And modern society has largely abdicated from the job. "Good husband material doesn't occur naturally, but is instead the product (in part) of socialization, development, and social control," Mr. Regnerus writes. "[I]n the domain of sex and relationships men will act as nobly as women collectively demand."
Time to get our act together, ladies. If we don't, they won't either.
I aagree one hunnet percent.
Best rhyme EVER.
“truly not all American women are as horrible as you guys think.”
My personal observation is that most single American women are much worse than we guys think. Very sad for the few who are good, virtuous people and are getting unjustly lumped in with the rest.
Again, time to get on an airliner to the Philippines.
*looks around*
hey, I wonder why all the chicks left?*
“Although, if a man marries a trophy wife that is 20 years younger he knows what he is getting.”
I don’t know about that. Some of my 20 something girlfriends are dating guys who are older cuz they can’t find a guy who is a man in their age group and they are NOT feminist.
But I do agree with you about women and alimony. Was a stay at home mom that was a stay at home for 12 years, married 20 years to a narcissistic abuser I divorced.(They are pros when it comes to making you believe is the abuse your own fault.) I have a got a good degree from college that I could go back to after a year of studying.
(The poor guy, my ex, could only afford 6 months alimony. Then he bought a mansion with an indoor pool.)
I have a friend who had a computer science degree, hadn’t worked in 15 years and the court gave her 4 months!!! IN COMPUTER SCIENCE! That was insane.
Yes, the Philippines as well as eastern Europe. Advice I’d give nice young men who want marriage and a lifelong commitment but haven’t found “the one” by say age 25.
Married women not having sex with husband? Are they still courting her?
I was a chef for 10 years. Yes, I can cook
When I found mine I told her:
Baby, I’ve been searching like everybody else
Can’t say nothing different about myself
Sometimes I’m an angel and sometimes I’m cruel
And when it comes to love, I’m just another fool
Yes, I’ll climb a mountain
I’m gonna swim the sea
There ain’t no act of God, girl
Could keep you safe from me
My arms are reaching out
Out across this canyon
I’m asking you to be my true companion
True companion
True companion
Marc Cohn - True Companion Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Young guys in the military do have this problem.
Bingo!
Look at the relationship between his mother and father critically.
Time to build a harem. Just need to get the wife onboard.
Isn't it funny how everybody's ex is a psycho? What are the odds?
Anger porn is HOT!
I had my first at 38, miracle child. Docs can tell you what you need to do after 30 to be healthy.
Well there goes your steak a and lobster dinner.
Have you considered that you may be one of the 144k mentioned in Revelation? Not a shabby honor. When I learned the truth about His return I wanted to be one of the resurrected who rules with Him, but beheading won’t be up to me. LOL
You may want to read Bonhoeffer.
Yea, my big mouth gets me in trouble all the time.
I hear ya. Mine were born when I was 33, 35 and 38. Hubs and I got married when we were 28, first marriage for both. We were on the same page on a lot of stuff.
My bro got married at 49 (1st time) to a widow who told us some pretty scary stories about the single scene, especially for a nice girl with a job and a house.
As soon as single guys found out she had those assets they were ready to move in after a couple of dates. She had pretty much quit dating until she met my brother, who is about 4 years younger than her.
It’s scary out there for both men and women. I’m a little concerned for my kids but we tried to raise them right.
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