Observing Mother's Day After She's Gone. It Doesn't have to be a sad affair.

May 7 2016 | Lee Martell

[lee martell]

Both my parents have passed on. My mother died of diabetes complications back in 1994. My dad lasted far longer, and passed away last year due to heart ailments. They were married for 49 years. Dad decided on his own to never remarry. As children, my siblings and I would meet in the basement to discuss what to give my mom for her Mother's Day gift. Usually, most the duties were taken up by the same two kids, the oldest two. While the younger two children would contribute their ideas on color, size and if it was candy, what type of candy. Some years I was elected 'treasurer', meaning I would collect a few dollars or coins from everybody, or accept a hastily scribbled I.O.U.. I would later take the midtown bus and go to downtown Detroit. This was back when there really was a 'Downtown' atmosphere, the type of place Petula Clark sang about in that song. I would go downtown after school, 'unbeknownst' by my parents, and on a Top Secret mission. We would go through the same practices the following month of June for Father's Day.

When I went downtown, as an 11 year old boy, my first stop was on Woodward Ave. and Griswold St. It was near that intersection, that I had easy access to Kresgee's Store, where you could get a burger and fries on a tall red stool that spun around. Next door was Woolworth's, with slow, carpeted escalators going both up and down. Hudson's Department Store across the street. You had to walk past the tall female mannequins, behind the street display windows. Some of the lady mannequins were still dressed in fake fur coats with ermine collars. I was headed toward the Hudson's mezzanine bakery. After purchasing a few red colored pistachio nuts from a 25 cent machine, I saw a table full of ready made German Chocolate cakes, my mother's favorite. As Treasurer, I made the decision to spend all I had left to get that cake. It was placed in to a small pink box and tied with string. The cake was almost always one of our gifts to our parents. My father liked strawberry sheet cake with white icing. Usually, one of the Grandmas would make him a cake in their kitchen.

We learned never to give Grandma any peanut brittle, because she would end up with the candy jammed into her dentures, which upset her greatly. With Grandpa, on my mom's side, we learned to just stick with dress ties, black socks and sometimes Cuff Links with dark blue stones. These were items he could wear to church or to choir practice. Grandpa was a Baptist. My mom always refused to convert to being a Catholic, possible out of loyalty to her own father.

I still contemplate the fun of giving gifts for Mother's and Father's day. I would say it helps children learn the custom of showing compassion and gratitude for their elders.

[Fungi]

A beautiful tribute to your parents. Well done your Leeness.

[lee martell]

Thank you.

[doorgunner69]

I am embarrassed to say I do not know the day my mother died, it was 62 years ago. never thought to ask my dad. At least I know when he died.

So many things you realize you could and should have asked about.

[lee martell]

There were many questions and remarks concerning my mother, that also went unasked. My sisters and I decided out of diplomacy, not to bring Mom up to our Dad unless he did first. This meant ignoring their Wedding Anniversary too, unless, again, he clearly wished to talk about it.

[doorgunner69]

I was in the car crash that killed my mother, but being six years old, had no idea what was going on. I suppose my older sister might know, but she being a rabid liberal, we have no communication these days.

[SaveFerris]

I’m sorry to hear that. Lost both of my parents, too. Health reasons in their cases.

[Jonty30]

I think the passing of people should be a time to remember them for their good times, not their losses.

[WVKayaker]

My Mom made it to 84, living alone after she and my Dad divorced (married 54 years, but that's another story). She drove her own car to the grocery store and church, did her own laundry and kept the house clean. Unfortunately, she had a necessary procedure, which led to her death.

She went into an almost new hospital in Richmond, VA for a "stint" where they go through the femoral artery After the surgery, she came out and told my sis that the place really needed cleaning. My sis is an RN and went to the supervisor who was hanging a sign on the door "closed for cleaning". Too late for Mom. She got a MERSA infection at the leg site, and 100 days later succumbed after two more surgeries to remove dead tissue and they kept her on heavy drugs until the end.

My sis insisted we not sue the hospital, and we never did. The supervisor was transferred to another hospital in Ohio soon after.

Happy Mother's Day, Miss Alice! This pic was taken at the NCO Club in Gitmo, circa 1963. My dad was YN1 in the Admiral's office and managed the NCO club in the evenings..

[freepertoo]

You just brought back my childhood. I was born in Detroit.

[grania]

The tough one is for Mother’s who have lost a child. Extend a kind word to any in your acquaintance....and think before saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

[freepertoo]

What a lovely picture. I am sorry about what happened to your lovely mother.

[Reddy]

So sorry for the loss of your mother. My husband contract MRS after a hospital procedure and almost lost his life. Don’t beat yourself up about not suing the hospital. From what I understand, medical malpractice cases are very, very expensive as well as very, very difficult to win.

[Gay State Conservative]

Outstanding! As one who lost his mother years ago my screen somehow is now a bit blurry.

[Gay State Conservative]

So many things you realize you could and should have asked about.

Boy do I hear ya! My Mom died when I was 20 after a long,painful demise.There are so many things I should have asked her but I was a clueless,immature kid.Thankfully my Dad had many great stories as did her younger cousin who saw my mom as being a big sister when she was a kid.I even have a recording of my Dad telling the story of how my Mom,when she was about 19,spilled soup on Queen Whilamena (? spelling) of the Netherlands when she was working as a waitress at The Cloisters in Sea Island,Georgia (her uncle,a manager at The Cloisters,got her the job).He'd laugh and say "she didn't last long there after that".

I'm lucky to have had two good,decent,admirable...and INCREDIBLE...parents.Far too many,sadly,can't make that claim.

[Vermont Lt]

Don’t mean to sound insensitive, but that information would be in the county records.

I can understand why it might not “be worth” knowing, but it t would be easy to find out.

[TNoldman]

Ping

[Drew68]

I suppose my older sister might know, but she being a rabid liberal, we have no communication these days.

Some things in life are more important than politics.

[goodnesswins]

You can find records, probably online, that would give you the info.

[lee martell]

Thanks for sharing that story. At least that hospital supervisor was recognized as being deficient. That sense of alert probably helped other patients. Sorry your mom had to suffer because of it.