Posted on 06/12/2015 6:03:26 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.. We went up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "butthead".
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We always look for cars with Obama 2012 stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It’s so important at our age!!
Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow."
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr. Rabbit."
Mr. Rabbit shouted up, "Whatcha doin' today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Rabbit - Absolutely nothin' and loving it."
Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Rabbit, so he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?"
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!" So, Mr. Rabbit lay down on the side of the road and began doing absolutely nothing.
In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him.
The moral of the story is: You can get away with Doing Absolutely Nothing, but only if you are really high up.
I saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
TOP 25 maybe? Please???
That’s about as silly as a democrat reacting to an overdrawn notice.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Hooray for silliness! Thanks for getting us going.
All I can say to this is Bruce to whatever. White to whatever also.
Pat: Did ya’ hear that Sean O’Casey lost his life over to the Dublin brewery?
Mike: What happened?
Pat: Fell into a vat of beer; took him eight hours to die.
Mike: Why so long?
Pat: He got out twice to go to the loo.
Gender no longer means what it used to.
And now, evidently, ethnicity no longer means what it used to.
...just being her true self, right?
Two guys are talking in a bar. The first one says “ do you smoke after sex?”
Second guy says “ I never looked”.
I’ve actually had that question when they say “He really knows his sh**!”
That’s not something I’d want to know.
Pssst! Those moist dollars eventually dry out and are floating in circulation...
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