Posted on 02/27/2015 4:22:42 AM PST by Lucky9teen
The small, family owned company I work for, is trying to go paperless. Not for environmental reasons, just because they don't like paper, and want to move into the age of technology. So, they are pushing hard for us to do every thing digitally and electronically now.
Is it me, or is that a bit extreme, considering the mom and pop shops that we deal with, and how many of those customers won't be "digital" or may not even be electronic savy? Somehow, this logic is lost on our new management....which is the younger generation of the family, who just took over things.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for upgrading and being up to date with technology, creating more efficiency, saving time and money (not using paper), but I also think about the kind of company we are and that we ship a lot of stuff, and how literally impossible it is to go completely paperless. As well, I think about the state of the country, the threats from abroad, and wonder if going ALL digital is the wisest move. But who am I, but a lowly office worker.
And I have to admit, I worry that this is coming...
Knock, Knock
Whos there?
I dont know, my file name was changed.
Why did the businessman cross the road?
To get to a file at a colleagues office.
What do you call a business without electronic filing system software?
Inefficient.
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
Hang on! We're going paperless.
I’d offer her my seat if she’d offer me hers.
I continued to use my fifty cent pocket notebook
Question : What is the truest definition of Globalization ?
Answer : Princess Dianas death.
Where the world witnessed an English Princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crash in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian chauffer who was drunk on Russian vodka, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles. Attempts to save her life were performed by an American doctor using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by a Canadian, using American Bill Gates computer technology. Youre probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips and a Korean monitor assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen and trucked to you by Mexicans who are in the US illegally because the current president, possibly born in Kenya and educated as a Muslim in Indonesia refuses to enforce US law.
That, my friends, is Globalization !
I used to work for a forest products company that made paper.
They went “paperless” 10 or so years ago.
I guess they saw the writing on the wall.
A little off topic, but it’s the big topic here: THE WEATHER!
I’m in Norfolk, VA. We usually don’t get much snow, but when it does happen, WATCH OUT!!
We’ve had three bouts with snow since President’s Day. Schools have been open only 1 1/2 days in two weeks. Military bases have been closed numerous days. Why?
The roads around here are full of DEHYDRATED IDIOTS. If you add water (fog, rain, drizzle, snow, sleet) you get idiots. The degree of their idiocy is inversely proportional to the temperature of the water. The colder it gets, the crazier they drive.
The mother-in-law stopped by her daughter’s house after shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
“What happened?” she asked anxiously.
“What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife -— your daughter -— telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I got home . . . and guess what I found? Your daughter in bed with a naked guy! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I’m done. I’m leaving forever!”
“Calm down, calm down!” said his mother-in-law. “There’s something very odd about that. She would never do such a thing. There must be a simple explanation. I’ll go speak to her and find out what happened.
A few minutes later, the mother-in-law came back with a big smile and said, “I told you there must be a simple explanation. She didn’t get your email.”
______
ROMANCE?
Barb was lying in bed one night. Carl was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. ?
She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me...
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my Neck...”
Angrily, Art threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
“Where are you going?” Barb asked..
“To get my teeth!”
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!”
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?”
Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.?
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me... I know we’ve been friends for a long time but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
Senior Driving
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, Vernon , I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-25. Please be careful!”
Hell,” said Vernon, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
Friends, tell me this won’t happen to us !!!!
Good save!
I was working at Sara Lee when we instituted Casual Days because it was the new hip thing to do. SL owned Hanes Hosiery, which was devastated when work went casual.
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