***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

A man takes a balloon ride at a local country fair. A fierce wind suddenly kicks up, causing the balloon to violently leave the fair and carry its occupant out into the countryside. The man has no idea where he is, so he goes down to five meters above ground and asks a passing wanderer: "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me where I am?"

Eyeing the man in the balloon the passer-by says: "You are in a downed red balloon, five meters above ground."

The balloon's unhappy resident replied, "You must be an economist."

"How could you possible know that?" asked the passer-by.

"Because your answer is technically correct but absolutely useless, and the fact is I am still lost".

"Then you must be in the government", said the passer-by.

"That's right! How did you know?"

"You have such a good view from where you are, and yet you don't know where you are and you don't know where you are going. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now your problem is somehow my fault!"

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this a union house?"

"No, I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.

His search continued as long as you want to draw things out, until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."

"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her for the night."

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the madame, gesturing to a fat fifty-year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."

One day about a month ago, President Obama was looking for a call girl. He found three such girls in a local lounge, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

To the blonde he said, "I am the President of the United States. Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?"

She replied, $200."

To the brunette he asked the same question. Her reply was $100.

He then asked the redhead.

Her reply was, "Mr. President, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my panties as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times, and keep it rising like the gas prices, keep me warmer than it is in my apartment and screw me the way you do the public, then believe me, Mr. President, it isn't going to cost you a damn cent."


Did you know that Barack Obama is considering changing the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom?
Because it represents inflation, halts production, and gives you a false sense of security, while you are being screwed!

1. Did you hear how the “Yes We Can” slogan came to be? Well a reporter asked Obama, can you fool the nation in thinking your a moderate, Obama answered, “Yes we Can.” Another reporter asked, can you convince all the reporters to ignore your association with known terrorists? “Yes we can!”. Another reporter asked can you nationalize the banks? “Yes we can”.

2. How many democrats does it take to change a burned out light bulb? None, democrats believe the bulb can’t change if its not a CFL.

3. Why was Obama so mad when he heard about the AIG bonuses? Because so many at AIG got a larger bonus from AIG than he did.

4. How does Obama win the war on terror? He renames it!  Its now the overseas contingency operation.

5. Did you hear about the reporter who asked Obama a hard question? Neither have we!

6. Actually there was a reporter who asked Obama a really hard question. The question was, does he want his water plain or with a slice of lemon.

7.  How many democrats does it take to change a light bulb?  5! Al Gore to insure it’s a CFL, and EPA agent in case the blub breaks and a mercury cleanup is necessary, a person to bail out the home owner, an ACORN member to insure that the right person changed the bulb, and a member of the media to celebrate the change.

8. How can a person get bailed out by Obama? Is it by 1. being a member of ACORN, 2. contributing to the campaign funds of the democrats, 3. being irresponsible, 4. supporting liberal anti-American causes, 5. all of the above?  The answer is 5-all of the above.

9. What does CNN stand for? Communist News Network.

10. What does ABC stand for? All Barack Channel.

11. What does NBC stand for? Now Barack Channel.

12. What's the difference between God and Obama? God doesn’t think He’s Obama.

13. Why won’t Obama release his birth certificate? He hasn’t decided where he was born.

14. The good news about Obamas inauguration was that of the two million people who showed up, only 10 of them had to call off work.

15. What's the difference between Karl Marx and Obama? Nobody knows.

16. How can you tell a Conservative home owner apart from a Democratic home owner? Ask who is paying the Mortgage. The Conservative will point to himself, and the democrat will also point at the conservative.

17. Democrats and liberals always say they are smarter than conservatives. If that is true, then why do democrats always have problems in filling out a ballot.

18. How many democrats does it take to cast a single vote? 3! The democrat to cast the vote, the lawyer to make sure they did it right, and a party leader to tell them how to vote.

19. How do you scare a democrat? Have them cast a vote without a lawyer to show them how to fill out the ballot.

20. What do Obama and financial scam artist have in common? They both say “yes we can”, they both give hope, they both take your money, they both will leave you penny-less in the end.

 21. What do you call a gathering of terrorists, financial scam artists, tax dodgers, and sexual predators? A democratic convention.

22. How do you scare a democrat? Say your a gainfully employed church going family man.

[N. Theknow]

[zeugma]

How the hell did you get in here?

LOLOLOLOLOL

[CJ Wolf]

One Good Thing about the Cold

I left my shed door open last night. Today it smells like dead stink bugs. I think the freeze got them. Well that's one good thing about the cold.

[TheOldLady]

Had enough Winter. Trying to install Spring.



Oh, DRAT!!!

[Ingtar]

You’re trying to install before the release date. Try again in late March.

[TheOldLady]

Thanks! ;-)

[Ingtar]

Of course, it might take multiple seasonal updates from Microsoft to get it working approximately correct.

[TheOldLady]

Sigh... You’re right. I’ve been struggling with Microsoft for years.

[dragonblustar]

[DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis]

ROFLOLOLOL

[MortMan]

50 shades of Joe...

(Hat tip to my son)

[TheOldLady]

;-)