Posted on 01/08/2015 6:19:04 AM PST by woodbutcher1963
Take one flannel shirt, one Mike Napoli beard circa October 2013, mix in an iPhone 6 and some workboots, then add an overpolished ax and flavor with homebrewed craft beer and you've got the latest lifestyle fashion trend for men: the "Lumbersexual."
You think I'm making this up. But go ahead, Google it. I dare you. Unless you're somewhere in the vicinity of Pyongyang, your friendly neighborhood Interweb will bring you the full monty search results, from GearJunkie and Gawker, Buzzfeed and Jezebel, The Atlantic and Time, and even Cosmo ("Are You Dating a Lumbersexual?").
Buzzfeed plunge-cuts to the heartwood, defining the breed: "Wood. Nature. Beard. Leather, denim, plaid and flannel. These are the cornerstones of lumbersexual men."
And apparently not just any denim. Selvedge denim, woven using old-fashioned techniques on antique looms.
Think Brawny paper towels and Paul Bunyan.
Cosmo tells us more: "In the early 2000s everyone was buzzing about metrosexual guys. You know, the guy who didn't have to borrow your eye cream because he owned a whole medicine cabinet full of his own. Well, that guy has now slapped on a flannel and is probably chopping down a tree in a forest while smelling like 1950s pine trees and he's being called a Lumbersexual."
I'll have to ask someone slightly older than me what 1950s pine trees smelled like, and exactly how their scent differed from today's pine. Better-perfumed, I presume? Alas, the spicy aroma of Cold-War pine is apparently another casualty of climate change. Maybe if we call it "Selvedge Pine" and hand-fell it with a two-man cross-cut, we could sell it for a couple thousand bucks a board foot.
What started this trend? Did Oprah appear in public in plaid? Was it Scott Brown tweeting pictures of his pickup truck? Did Tom Brady buy a tree farm? Has Bieber gone Carhartt?
GearJunkie's Tom Puzak attempts to explain: "Whether the roots of the lumbersexual are a cultural shift toward environmentalism, rebellion against the grind of 9-5 office jobs, or simply recognition that outdoor gear is just more comfortable, functional and durable, the Lumbersexual is on the rise."
Used to be that all you had to do to signal your rugged, rural mansomeness was to drive a truck and know what 4WD means. And it didn't even have to be a pickup - an SUV would do the trick, for what's not manly about "Sport," "Utility" and "Vehicle"? But then soccer moms exchanged minivans for Ford Expeditions and SUVs became "sport-utes." By the time Porsche and BMW started making their SUVs, it was all over. More is demanded of the manly men of 2015.
As it turns out, the Lumbersexual's "1950s pine" is apparently masking the not-so-subtle scent of a poser. As Tracy Moore writes on Jezebel, "... it's a nice look, but somewhat misleading - reading these (descriptions) feels like meeting a retro sexy librarian type who isn't actually into books. With the Lumbersexual, the very things that might draw you to such a manly dressed man are likely to disappoint when you discover he won't be building a campfire, crafting some bookshelves, or investigating that weird noise outside the tent."
Here in New Hampshire, where we all but invented the woodsy, can-do look of a handy, hale and hearty fella, the emergence of the lumbersexual man presents a problem. How do we tell them apart? Well, I asked this question of some observant, discerning women and came up with the following 12 tips on how distinguish a real New Hampshire man from the carefully crafted catalog version:
1. The Lumbersexual lets his beard grow and cultivates the style in order to attract good-looking women. The real New Hampshire man grows his beard and chooses his clothing in order to ward off women who only look good.
2. If you find yourself faced with a bearded, flannel-clad man, ask him how many belts he owns. The Lumbersexual will think for a moment, then answer with a number, like five. The real New Hampshire man won't understand the question.3. Bearded man in denim rides a bicycle to the coffee shop? Likely Lumbersexual. Drives a pickup to the dump? Probably a real New Hampshire man - that's where he got his one belt.
4. If you are the daring type and can get close, take a good sniff. As we learned, the Lumbersexual smells like vintage pine. The real New Hampshire man has about him the aroma of combusted two-stroke with undertones of off-road diesel. If you like that smell, you are probably a woman from Maine.
5. If you see a bearded man in plaid using a flip-phone, that is not a Lumbersexual. That is his dad.
6. Both take pride in their woodpiles. Lumbersexual men stack their wood neatly by the cord, away from the house so that it won't attract termites and wood ants. Real New Hampshire men stack wood on the porch so their real New Hampshire women don't have far to go when they fetch it. Chivalry is not dead.
7. Beard oil? Lumbersexual. Bar oil? Real New Hampshire man.8. Real New Hampshire men know that cutting your own firewood warms you three times. Lumbersexuals know that to get Windows to work, you have to reboot three times. If your bearded, plaid and denim man laughs at this joke? Lumbersexual.
9. The lumbersexual man enjoys splitting wood, wielding the refurbished ax he bought at an estate sale. A real New Hampshire man has a love-hate relationship with the chore and curses the balky hydraulic splitter he borrowed from his neighbor. One of them keeps the woodstove warm all winter.10. The lumbersexual man might spend a weekend lining the closet with hand-planed tongue-and-groove cedar to keep the moths out of his flannel shirts. The real New Hampshire man? He really doesn't need a closet.
11. Look carefully at the flannel. Is it creased? If so, that's neither fish nor fowl - what you've got there is a Connecticut lawyer who retired to New Hampshire and has decided to run for selectman.
12. Real New Hampshire men are members of the Society for the Protection of New Hampshire Forests who volunteer as land stewards. Lumbersexual men just wear the hat.
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Jack Savage is the executive editor of Forest Notes: New Hampshire's Conservation Magazine published by the Society for the Protection of New Hampshire Forests. He can be reached at jsavage@forestsociety.org, or follow him on Twitter @JackatSPNHF
beat me to it!
I love the smell of two cycle in the morning. It smells like, Victory.
“The real New Hampshire man has about him the aroma of combusted two-stroke”
I keep my chain sawing clothes hanging in the basement because they stink of 2 stroke oil.
Let’s just change the name of this web site to Freepmopolitan!
Whoa! Getting 1996 flashbacks now!
Remember your ABCs: “Alexander Beats Clinton, Dole.. Even Forbes!”
Women moreso, but young male hipster/slacker dooshes seem to all be reading the same Cosmo-for-men magazine.
Thus, all of a sudden it is hip to have a big fat beard, as if to distreact from the otherwise stunning lack of masculinity.
It is an overeaction.
In the past people were judged by their deeds and morals.
Kids today think they will be judged solely by their facial hair.
A real lumberman’s barber chair is a Peterbilt.
Heating with firewood all winter for 42 years, missed my mark felling large hardwood trees only once.
Heating with firewood warms you 6 times: felling & bucking the tree, hauling the wood to the house, splitting it, stacking it, bringing it in the house, and when its burning.
When it’s 9 degrees out, ain’t nothing like a hot fire in the fireplace furnace that heats the whole house........
I’ve got a nice old Woolrich Wool plaid coat. Now these gay fashion clowns are all going to start wearing them.
Nothing sacred today.
I’m lazy. Firewood only warms me 5 times.
I don’t stack it. I throw it in a pile about 20 feet from my outdoor boiler.
I would have been very disappointed if I opened this thread and didn’t see any references to “The Lumberjack Song.”
There is nothing quite like a real wood fire.
I thought the exact same way as you did, right up to the point when we installed the Harman pellet insert. I cut, split, stacked, hauled and cleaned up after cordwood for 16 years. Now I fill up the pellet stove once in the morning and once at night. I empty the ash pan once a week. I completely clean it once a month. It also heats my 2500 square foot 1972 house much more evenly. Also, from a “green” point of view, the pellets come from a factory within 30 miles from my house. I have also cut my heating oil usage by 2/3.
The pellet stove is very efficient too(rated at 85%). I used to clean my flue 2x a season. I checked it a week or so ago. Nothing. I had a pretty good wood stove too, A Jotul 3. It was supposed to be about 75% efficient. It was not big enough though.
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