Posted on 12/05/2014 11:40:20 PM PST by UnwashedPeasant
Whether you try to hide it or not, you fart. Everybody does.
But even though it's such a routine activity — the average person farts between 10 and 20 times per day — there's a lot about farting that you might not know.
As part of research into the microbiome — the rich community of bacteria that live throughout your body — scientists have learned all sorts of interesting things about the bacteria that produce gas inside your intestines. Here are 9 crucial things to know about flatulence.
(Excerpt) Read more at vox.com ...
Try dietary changes, removing one thing at a time to find the foods or beverages that are aggravating the problem. Have you tried a probiotic supplement? Activated charcoal might help.
Does that include queefs?
10. Anytime two or more people are in the presence of a fart someone starts laughing.
“The World’s Oldest Joke” was found on a wall in Mesopotamian ruins. It goes, “One thing has never happened. A young wife will not fart while sitting on her husband’s lap.”
My Dad Had The Contest On An Old Record Album That Had Been Played So Many Times The Record GrOoves Resembled The Grand Canyon!
I have two German shepherds and the male lets loose occasionally , not so much his sister though. I have a slight hearing problem and my smeller doesn’t work well so I guess I’m lucky.
Mattie, my next door neighbors bull dog barks a lot , never heard much about her gas problem. Except for my dogs, we all love Mattie . My dogs hate her because shes allowed to bark and their not allowed.
Were you the evil culprit? You sound too proud not to have been.
I, too, was the Evil Culprit once. It was during fraternity rush in my sophomore year in college, 1962. Our Rush Chairman, “Joe” to hide his real name, was standing behind the piano in the living room going over the rushees to see which ones we wanted. I was sitting in an easy chair about 6 feet from him. The primary staple we had consumed during the preceding week was beer, lots of beer, indeed beer to the point where all I wanted to drink was something cold, soft, and non-alcoholic. Anyway, I felt one coming and knew it was a large one, how large and righteous I did not know. When I released it there must have been at least a liter, dead silent, and the largest of my life until then. If you could have seen, it was so virulent and toxic that there could have been an utterly disgusting, bilious yellow green haze, like a particularly horrible WWI war gas. The silent, toxic cloud wafted over to Brother Joe who let out a choked scream when it hit and ran in desperation. It was the proudest, finest fart of my life.
In a case like that, all you can do is proudly stand up with a big smile on your face and take a bow.
Remember a TV show that had ads from all around the world and one showed a bunch of toddlers/babies in a common bath and we see bubbles coming up from near one. Next shot showed the rest, all moved away from him.
As taught to me by my late dad:
Beans beans the musical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot
The more you toot the better you feel getting ready for another meal of beans, beans, beans
Beans beans good for your heart
The more you eat the more you fart
etc
I have an 85 lb. Pitador and a 110 lb. Great Dane who, fortunately, are not so afflicted. Unfortunately, the Pitador makes up for it by sleeping with me and trying to push be out of bed at night.
A fart is, well, s—t without the mess, hey...—George Carlin
When I was in the Army 30 years ago, I reached the zenith of my prowess in flatulence.
It was my last night at my unit in Germany. My friends held a good-bye party fore me, and much good German beer was consumed. I went back to my room, which I shared with 4 other guys.
Early in the morning, I was awakened in my bunk by the most horrid gas pain in my guts. So, I relieved the gas pain.
The walls in my room were concrete, and I had no blanket over me, therefore it reverberated quite loudly. Even I was amazed at the sheer volume my expulsion generated. Surprisingly, I detected no stench. I then realized that all four of the other guys in the room were stirring. I had managed to awaken four grown men out of a sound sleep. One of them cried out “Hoagy, you ##### pig, I’m gonna kill you!” It was at that point my hide was saved by the CQ pounding on the door, saying it was time to get up for PT. I did receive looks of utter disgust from my roommates as they got up.
Sharts are the worst.
google it.
I did #6 in college (40+ years ago) and thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Wised up as a sophomore ad got laid a lot more. Go figure!
The odds that you are Norwegian and Greek?
Interesting combo.
- Scots-Irish and Norwegian herring lover.
I can vouch for #6. I can also add that when you set someone’s backside on fire burning hair from the nether regions smells worse than a fart.
My Mother-in-law’s chilli, made with kidney beans, doubled me up with pain, almost exploded my intestines, then when the pressure was so great it forced it’s way out, everything within 20 feet curled up and died.
I never ate her chilli again!
Beans beans good for your heart
The more you eat the more you fart
The more you fart the better you feel
Eat beans at every meal.
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