(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Doogle]

the device will analyze biomarkers and the thousands of molecules in someone's breath

"...???...mmmmm could lead to incriminating evidence about alley activities...???..buy stock in mouthwash and sweet onions"

[freebird5850]

Happy Friday Everyone...Woo-Hoo!

[ArGee]

Don't forget to be careful out there. It's flu season.

[ArGee]

Researchers have finally discovered how this years virulent strain of flu got into the human population.

[martin_fierro]

[ArGee]

But don't worry. Your government is taking steps to deal with the flu outbreak.

[Pride_of_the_Bluegrass]

[ArGee]

Fortunately, the American public is taking this flu outbreak in stride.

[ArGee]

In other flu-related news, sources close to Nancy Pelosi’s office informed this reporter that the House member intends to introduce legislation ensuring that those Americans who get the flu while they are unemployed will have the necessary sick days added to their contracts when they find work. Said one ranking member of Ms. Pelosi’s office, “We just think it’s terribly unfair to get sick when you can’t take off work. Ms. Pelosi is committed to rectifying this injustice and ensuring that every American can miss work when they’re sick.”

[Pride_of_the_Bluegrass]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=hQ8T1sxfTw8

[ArGee]

A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I’m horribly sick!”

The doctor looks at her and asks, “Flu?”

“No, I drove here.”

[ArGee]

As a public service for those trying to decide if they have the flu or just a bad cold:

Q: How do you know if you have the Swine Flu?
A1: A small curly tail starts growing at the top of your tailbone!
A2: You start to apply mud instead of suntan lotion
A3: When you out in public you start to snuff for truffles
A4: After your fever breaks you start to smell like bacon!
A5. You emit short snorts between sentences

[ArGee]

Some tips for avoiding the flu:

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin c.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.

Get plenty of rest.

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR ….

You can take the doctor’s office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because alcohol kills germs. So……

I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest). The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!

[ArGee]

Suffering from the flu? Buck up! Here are

10 Good Things about the Flu

10. No one wants to come near you.
9. You can legally take sedatives.
8. You realize guests on daytime talk shows have worse lives than you do.
7. You get away with being rude, obnoxious and surly.
6. You can smell like a baboon's butt and nobody complains.
5. You can shlep about the house unwashed and in your housecoat all day.
4. No matter how bad you feel, it's still better than how you felt after last month's tequila 'n' gin party.
3. Star Trek re-runs.
2. Your dog is allowed on the bed.

And the number 1 good thing about the flu ...

1. You get to pass the virus on to those you really dislike.

[JRios1968]

As well as the baby talk example IBM thinks that sensors will be able to use sounds to predict when a tree may fall in a forest...

How could it make a sound??

[Liberty Valance]

DATELINE HOLLYWOOD:

Scuttlebutt Sez there is a Lance Armstrong
bio-pic in the works ... Broken Lance II - Blood Work -
Charlie Sheen is slated to star ...

[Tatze]

Interesting. That revolving tower in Dubai was designed by an Israeli born, Italian based architect.

And government regulation would kill any possible chance of that tower being built in the US.

[ArGee]

Mrs. ArGee is testing one of those voice-activated search engine devices that gives her instantaneous information on whatever subject is being discussed through an auditory feed right behind her ear.

I think I've finally discovered what Hell is like. Now, when she always tells me I'm wrong, she has Google right there to back her up.

[ArGee]

Earlier this week, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo rushed to sign sweeping and extremely restrictive gun control legislation into law. Negotiations were made behind closed doors in the middle of the night, debate was rushed, public input was ignored and the votes were taken. The legislation that was passed only allows New York residents to carry seven bullets in a maximum ten round magazine at a time and requires gun registration. The problem? Cuomo didn't read the bill and failed to notice legislators forgot to exempt law enforcement.

LOL!!! That's one of the best gun control jokes I've heard all week!!!

Wait, that's not a joke site, that's a news site.

Well, you know what they say. Truth is sillier than fiction.

[BenLurkin]

Top 10 Bad Inventions http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gB8RpFODotg