Recovered images from Hillary emails prove it was only yoga

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Recovered images from Hillary emails prove it was only yoga

By Red Square | 8/21/2015, 5:28 pm

While the Federal Bureau of Investigations is still at a loss regarding the content of Hillary Clinton's e-mail cache from her days as secretary of state, one thing they have determined beyond a shadow of a doubt is that the Democratic presidential frontrunner is a diligent distance-education yoga student.

Emailing yoga routines are standard practice in distance education, said Mrs. Clinton's online yoga instructor Maha Bharata through an interpreter. He claims that over the years he has sent her over two hundred thousand Hindu-language emails with pictures of yoga poses, which constitutes 90% of the data that had been wiped clean from Clinton's personal server.

Clinton's sessions took place in her home and sometimes her office, says Mr. Bharata, who has visited Mrs. Clinton on a few occasions when she flew him on a private jet to Washington, DC, from his humble hut in the Himalayas.

"I couldn't tell if she had made any progress with her routines because she only emailed me back two pictures, one from home and one from the office," he said. "In both cases she was lying on the floor and appeared to be meditating. And when I was in Washington, we were too busy for yoga, always partying with donors and journalists, and taking group pictures. This woman can hold her liquor."

The former first lady isn't shy to talk publicly about her burgeoning yoga commitment. In a splashy spread in People magazine in June, Clinton talked up her yoga and water aerobics. And a September New York Times story quotes "friends" as saying that she was full of energy from getting into yoga.

"One time I insisted she show me her routines, and then it took her a long time to find the yoga mat," says Mrs. Clinton's yoga instructor. "And when one of her aids found it, I was afraid to touch it because that mat was covered with wine and grease stains, smelling of alcohol and something resembling fermented milk of the Himalayan yak."

Yoga experts agree that repetitive mentioning of Clinton's time on the mat makes her more relatable. "Yoga is to 2016 what jogging was to, like, 1990," says veteran Democratic strategist Joe Trippi. "When voters saw former presidents Bill Clinton or George W. Bush jogging, they would think, 'Hey, I like to jog, too.' It's the same thing now with yoga, for women in particular."

Experts believe that promoting her image as a yoga aficionado should help Mrs. Clinton to dispel concerns about her age or certain unhealthy habits, which her Republican opponents are likely to raise. The way she reminded the American public about her "yoga routines" in connection to the email scandal was also a stroke of political genius, which may very well help her to recover from this debacle and win the presidency.

By Red Walrus | 8/21/2015, 10:48 pm

Someone saved us time and compiled a set of yoga routines Hillary has been practicing.

Hillary practicing her "Rear Admiral Yoga Maneuver" at home. Email # 12,908.

By Comrade Stierlitz | 8/22/2015, 1:02 am

Red Walrusfat hillary yoga copy.jpg Hillary practicing her "Rear Admiral Yoga Maneuver" at home. Email # 12,908.

Hillary's winkin' at that natty like it's her "wingman". Maybe that's her secret to maintaining her poker face when she's questioned about the servers?

As for yoga, I've heard that it's a component of some asian religion. If that is so, then it should be taught in all schools as part of state-approved Diversity training. It's what Lenin would want!

Yoga!? If I want to look like a slumped-over idiot I can just hit myself in the head a few times with a cinder block. As for that first one in the compilation with the gal laying down, all I'd need to do is lay down on the floor and think about high-level math.

By $.$. Halliburton | 8/22/2015, 2:37 pm

She's really into transcendental meditation too. She closes her eyes and repeats over and over again the word "money." "Money, money, money , money, money, ommm... Money, money, money, money, money, ommm..."

She's very spiritual.

By Comrade Putout | 8/22/2015, 3:40 pm

.

By Comrade Abrakham Linkol'n | 8/22/2015, 4:18 pm

Huma.......more whiskey please.

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Recovered images from Hillary emails prove it was only yoga

Someone saved us time and compiled a set of yoga routines Hillary has been practicing.

"Emails? What Emails?"

Watch out Mike! She's got her eyes on you!!!

Her tHighness is not amused...