Posted on 04/10/2015 11:36:06 AM PDT by bboop
The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA) President Barack Obama and the Democratic Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans.
The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent). Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable and incompetent employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?" "As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey.
"This new law should be real good for people like me. I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Sen. Dick Durbin, II: "As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or ? her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."
This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.
Whats the joke?
I guess most of the people in congress would fall in this category.
It’s actually Americans w/No Abilities Legislation.
As they say all good satire is based on truth.
If true, it would be just a new tax boondoggle for crony capitalists. Most big companies already “promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions”.
Yes, especially since a prime benefactor of the ANAA is Joe Biden, who somehow became Vice President. It may be a joke, but because of the above, it seems real.
Harrison Bergeron.
We are approaching, rapidly, that dystopia.
It's no joke. This is basically a simple explanation of the Marxist economic agenda.
Oh please say this is satire.
Satire today, policy tomorrow.
Definitely sounds like this is pretty much in place.
Other day when I saw something inre ‘forgiving student loans’ I figured if that is a ‘good’ thing, why should I (and others in my category) be forced to pay my loans on my GI BILL purchased house?
Basically the same difference, the ‘SL’ was (supposedly) granted to allow those an opportunity to go to college who may otherwise not be able to afford it.
I purchased my house with a VA/Govt backed loan that was ‘secured’ by the Govt....I didn’t realize that if I chose not to - for no apparent reason other than I didn’t want to OR think I shouldn’t - I was a ‘dummy’ paying on that house all those years.
ANAA is good..but my favorite group is RXLNO which stands for “People Who Don’t Understand Initialisms”
What about the POS’s? People of So-so-ability? I think we all have Some ability, it’s just not enough to matter. If you know of a POS (Person Of So-so-ability), alert them to this legislation so they too can benefit. Really “People of No Ability” is insulting so we should all call them the POS’s they really are. Nobody should get upset over being called a POS, if that’s what they are.
FR frowns upon postings like this they believe that we are not smart enough to understand satire when we see it.
Should be changed to: Americans With No Abilities Legislation - ANAL
What is frightening is how many people didn't immediately get that this article is sarcasm.
“The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent but is modest about it.”
makes as much sense as Puerto Ricans being “disabled” and getting benefits for not speaking English
Well, I thought it was hysterically funny, because of course it IS true. SATIRE ALERT.
bkmk
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