Posted on 04/07/2015 8:56:26 AM PDT by John Semmens
A surge of book sales that pushed the US Constitution into the top ten best seller list of the Conservative Book Club has caused federal officials to put the Department of Homeland Security on "full alert."
"This is just the type of abnormal behavior that should trigger a high state of vigilance," Secretary Jeh Johnson declared. "We expect a few loud-mouthed right-wing politicians to repeatedly harp on whether some action taken by the government is constitutional. But we can't afford to overlook tens of thousands of ordinary citizens reading such seditious literature."
"Outside of some historical interest, we can see no reason for people to cozy up to this document," Johnson explained. "Our Courts are the mechanism for determining whether the Constitution has any bearing on modern life. Increased meddling by persons who aren't properly trained for interpreting the document is cause for concern. Consequently, I'm ordering all our personnel to be on the lookout for any anti-government agitation inspired by uneducated interpretations of this historic relic."
In related news, Ohio Judge Catherine Barber barred a defendant from bringing up the Constitution or the constitutionality of the law under which he is charged with a crime because "it would only serve to confuse jurors. They need to follow my instructions, not wander off into their own egocentric comprehension of this extraneous historical document."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/173845-2015-04-05-semi-news-semi-satire-april-5-2015-edition.htm
Your work deserves a bump...
Unfortunately, stuff you write comes true in a year.
5.56mm
Most Excellent!
You got that right.
I’m reminded of “The Obsolete Man” explaining that being caught with his bible is a crime punishable by death.
Again, so scary to the truth.... write on...
This would be the same as the church being scared if sales of the ten commandments skyrocketed....
/johnny
I remain impressed on how he got the explosives. Brilliant!
5.56mm
If I were a sociology professor, I would base every class on an episode of the Twilight zone.
So close it’s scary. We bought our copy of the Constitution in 2008 along with a few other books/documents for posterity.
Afraid people might learn their Right’s?
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