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Kerry Says Islamic State Is Not Islamic
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 Sep 2014 | John Semmens

Posted on 09/13/2014 1:08:30 PM PDT by John Semmens

US Secretary of State John Kerry challenged ISIL’s definition of itself and insisted that the self-proclaimed Islamic State is not, in fact, Islamic.

“I studied Islam in college,” Kerry asserted. “None of the books I read or classes I took mentioned anything about beheading unbelievers or raping women. I’ll stack this up against the mutterings of an uneducated terrorist any day of the week.”

Palestinian-Jordanian politician Muhammad Bayoudh Al-Tamimi disagreed with Kerry and maintained that ISIL’s “actions and words stem directly from the Quran and Sunna—two of Islam’s most sacred texts.”

A spokesman for ISIL suggested that “perhaps this chattering moron, Kerry, has not read the right books or listened to the words of practicing believers. If he falls into our hands we will give him the opportunity to rectify this gap in his education. Then we will cut his head off as the Quran commands.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2014/09/13/mexican-president-calls-perry-border-policy-unneighborly/


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: islam; jihad; joebiden; johnkerry; kerry; lurch; plugs; satire; vietnam

1 posted on 09/13/2014 1:08:30 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Yup. The same college that taught him to hate America.


2 posted on 09/13/2014 1:10:44 PM PDT by Jim Robinson (Resistance to tyrants is obedience to God!!)
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To: John Semmens

Islambs?


3 posted on 09/13/2014 1:11:33 PM PDT by cripplecreek ("Moderates" are lying manipulative bottom feeding scum.)
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To: John Semmens

Another talking point ejaculation from the Ketchup King gigolo.


4 posted on 09/13/2014 1:12:05 PM PDT by EagleUSA
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To: John Semmens

his ketchup is not ketchup....


5 posted on 09/13/2014 1:13:14 PM PDT by illiac (If we don't change directions soon, we'll get where we're going)
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To: John Semmens

Whew!!!!

Almost....again...


6 posted on 09/13/2014 1:13:26 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: John Semmens

Is the Islamic State not muslim?

Don’t they read their ‘inspired’ book, the Koran, just like every mooooooderate muslim does?

Wake up, America!


7 posted on 09/13/2014 1:25:27 PM PDT by 353FMG
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To: John Semmens

Yo!
Kerrry!
Next time, try reading the book (The Queer-anne)!


8 posted on 09/13/2014 1:34:27 PM PDT by Flintlock (Deport them ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!)
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To: John Semmens
Or as The Whoopie would say, not islamic islamic.
9 posted on 09/13/2014 1:46:37 PM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: John Semmens

What a moron.


10 posted on 09/13/2014 1:47:58 PM PDT by Savage Beast (Hubris and denial overwhelm Western Civilization. Nemesis and tragedy always follow.)
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To: John Semmens

When his Muslim in Chief (Jarrett) tells him to say it...he says it.


11 posted on 09/13/2014 2:02:38 PM PDT by Don Corleone ("Oil the gun..eat the cannoli. Take it to the Mattress.")
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To: John Semmens

12 posted on 09/13/2014 2:07:16 PM PDT by Joe 6-pack (Qui me amat, amat et canem meum.)
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To: John Semmens

Well if Lurch says so, it must be true; he is after-all in a position of respect,honor,dignity,trustworthiness, and knows these things.../s


13 posted on 09/13/2014 2:33:18 PM PDT by PoloSec ( Believe the Gospel: how that Christ died for our sins, was buried and rose again)
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To: John Semmens
Their Koo'ran denies that Jesus was crucified, but crucifixions of Christians is exactly what Barry, Hilary and ValJar's buddies in the Muslim Brotherhood were doing as they took over Egypt.

What did the White Hut and MSM tell us about this? Did we hear word ONE then that the Muslim Brotherhood and Muslim Sisterhood (h/t Huma) weren't ISLAMIC?

NOOOOOOOO!

HF

14 posted on 09/13/2014 2:56:22 PM PDT by holden
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To: John Semmens

Got me with this one

LOL


15 posted on 09/13/2014 3:02:18 PM PDT by Irish Eyes
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To: John Semmens

Are you kidding me? The man says who they are and you are telling me they are not. Somehow, I want to believe the man himself. I believe they are Islamic.


16 posted on 09/13/2014 3:28:49 PM PDT by maxwellsmart_agent
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To: John Semmens
So did I,you fool. But I see what's going on in the world and for whatever my opinion is worth, ISIS is nothing but islamic.Unleash the dogs of war and get rid of this disease on the human race once and for all.
17 posted on 09/13/2014 5:41:36 PM PDT by navyblue (<u> Si vis pacem, para bellum.)
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To: John Semmens

“I studied Islam in college,” Kerry asserted. “None of the books I read or classes I took mentioned anything about beheading unbelievers...


Kerry is one of the most educated imbeciles on Earth. And that’s an insult to actual imbeciles.

The Koran/Q’uran, Surah 8:12 -

When your Lord revealed to the angels: I am with you, therefore make firm those who believe. I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Therefore STRIKE OFF THEIR HEADS and strike off every fingertip of them.


18 posted on 09/13/2014 7:45:18 PM PDT by angryoldfatman
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To: John Semmens

Okay Lurch, then why do they give Christians the choice of converting to Islam or having their head cut off? And why is it that when capture these scumbags we give them a Koran?


19 posted on 09/14/2014 5:29:56 AM PDT by jmaroneps37 (Conservatism is truth. Liberalism is lies.)
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