Posted on 07/18/2014 4:55:36 AM PDT by fulltlt
I was one of the lucky ones. There were several years that I thought my wife might actually BE an angel. Later, I met her parents, just as nice. Some people are just good natured 24/7... Ok, angel...
He mentions a lack of respect and also porn, but the proximate cause for both is the same thing: children are no longer socialized to the other gender while growing up.
Girls and boys learn about the other gender by watching ridiculous comedies and dramas, and by looking at porn. What could possibly come of this? Instead, children need to be raised from a young age with children of the other gender.
And they need to be chaperoned while doing so. The purpose of this is for them to become socialized with each other, something that does not happen in school or church, because adults in both cases are compelling them to do other things that take up all of their time.
If you want a real life illustration of the problem, look at dogs that are not raised with other dogs, but with people. When they are mature, they still want to mate, but at the same time, the dogs they want to mate with are not of their “pack”, so are seen as outsiders, or even as enemies.
Most children are raised this way, strongly segregated from the opposite gender and kept busy, then at the age of 17 or 18 they are *expected* to spontaneously start dating, and a few years later get married, and have children.
In the vast majority of cases, this will NOT happen, or if it does, it will be a parody of a marriage that will fall apart. Which happens a lot. Resentment will exist on both sides, as well as bitterness, a lack of understanding or sympathy, and awful expectations.
Oh, yes, that is the “porn” part. Even married porn stars say that their real relationships at home are nothing like how it is portrayed in porn.
ping
Wow, really changes things when the Beatles' "And I Love Her" is changed to "And I Drug Her"
I hate to complain, but that’s my experience. My wife constantly complains that housework is too hard and that she can’t keep up with it and that I don’t understand. She offers to switch for a day so I can see how hard it is. I work M-F, but also take care of house maintenance, yard work, and cars. I suppose I have to keep house, too.
I come home to a mess every evening and rarely do I have a meal. Her friends tell her its unreasonable for me to expect that. We have 2 children, both out of diapers and pretty independent.
She always says, “I’m sorry the house is such a mess. I just couldn’t get it all done today. We just got home. I took the girls to the pool, then we went to McDonalds, then we went to my friends house so the kids could play. We got talking and I lost track of time.”
I’m a neat person and I’m at wits end as to what to do.
Most men are perfectly ok with the “sacrificial” death of themselves to save their wife. However, the majority of us are not called to do that. We are called to give ourselves up in little ways - not eat that fourth slice of pizza; not drink to excess, and if you can’t do that, don’t drink; not smoke; etc. That’s the stuff that harder to deal with.
And if ones wife has decided for the ‘no-sex’ thing, and the respect has dropped to near zero, the impact to a man’s soul is crushing. The devil rejoices in that marriage.
/speaking from experience
And the Doors - “Light My Fire” becomes “Light My Drugs”. Huh. Doesn’t hurt that song at all.
Somebody call an Whhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaambulance for VanDekronk
“She always says, “I’m sorry the house is such a mess. I just couldn’t get it all done today. We just got home. I took the girls to the pool, then we went to McDonalds, then we went to my friends house so the kids could play. We got talking and I lost track of time.”
I’m a neat person and I’m at wits end as to what to do.”
Sorry that you are at wit’s end. Reading your post made me conclude:
She couldn’t get it all done because SHE DIDN’T WANT TO GET IT ALL DONE. Too busy having fun. Pool vs taking care of things. She went to her friends house so SHE COULD PLAY
WITH HER FRIEND.
As a working mom of two (both now wonderful young adults), I taught them that we don’t play until the necessary family jobs get done. They learned to help so we could have fun.
Children have to learn that family chores are important. It’ll help them learn to manage their lives as they get older.
I know it’s hard but it’s time to have a long talk. Look to her upbringing...did her mom do everything for her so she
never learned to manage her chores?
good luck
If men did the first, women would do the second.
But, I see the failure even here. Men disrespecting their wives by ogling other women, guilty or not responses on FR. That woman let herself go, etc.
When men misbehave and fail, neglecting their roles and responsibilities, women will do likewise.
I think the most important part of your post is that it requires daily refreshment. Seek God’s support and guidance, daily.
Yes, it is. And it's certainly easier to be a good husband when your wife is being a good wife.
The devil rejoices in that marriage.
The Enemy despises marriage, and does everything he can to ruin it ... counterfeiting it with queers, sabotaging it with selfishness, poisoning it with contempt ... may God grant us all the grace to persevere in love.
This is where a decent human would have calmly addressed them both, then told the husband and wife clearly that any sane person would divorce such an abusive spouse, and would stay clear of them henceforth and forever. It would be the same if the abuse went the other way, or it it went both ways at different times.
Uh, ok.
I will just pretend that you had no substantive answer, and had other pressing things to do.
It’s probably best for everyone involved.
Not necessarily. Either can disobey the Lord on their roles. There is no guarantee.
The point is that when one starts on their role, it is hoped the other will pick up on their role. Sometimes counseling can help, sometimes not. It depends also on whether the other is willing to listen and make an effort also.
Either the man or the woman can initiate to get their relationship out of the crazy cycle by going to the Lord to do their own role in the relationship. Doing so enhances their chances to get out of the crazy cycle but it does not guarantee it.
Not trying to excuse your wife, because I don’t know the entire story. Just sharing my situation. Hubby got laid off last fall, now pretty much retired. First time he’s ever not worked in his life. He has commented on how easy it is for the day to get away from him. And he’s not sitting around watching TV during the day. He’s said by the time he’s cleaned up breakfast dishes, done a couple chores around the house, checked email, if he has to run a couple errands, next thing he knows, I’m walking in the door after work, and he doesn’t know where the day went. I told him he should try it with two toddlers wrapped around your knees. He admits he now has a lot more sympathy for stay at home moms. Time management is a learned trait. Hubby is discovering there’s a need for time management even in retirement.
I don’t disagree that sin is going to cause failure in the process. But, if a man is wondering why a woman is not respecting him, what is he doing to show her he loves her like Christ loves the Church?
The command is to men first, and in their role as head of household they must lead.
How many men do you know that openly love their wives as Christ loved the church?
I can name them on my fingers. My dad did a wonderful job. My brothers do not impress me; one brother in particular was horrible to his wife, picking on her about the littlest things.
There have been a few pastors of churches I attended that are wonderful examples.
There are two men I work with here that I have no doubt treat there wives this way even though I have never met their families. Why do I know this - because of the way they behave at work.
Sorry, it's a command and not optional. Since, it's that tough, we need to go to the Lord and ask out of our spiritual poverty.
The command to respect the husband is also not optional and just as difficult for the women. They have to go to God and ask for it, humbly, as well.
The Good news is that God hears these prayers said in His name and by faith and very frequently grants them.
saying it is a command doesn’t answer the question about how many men do you know fulfilling that command?
She drugs you, yeah yeah yeah
With drugs like that you know you should be glad
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