“Next time, try calling a hippie”
Much safer, actually. I don’t need a cop to stop a crime in progress. Besides, they rarely ever do. They arrive well after the crime to write up the report then bitch they have to do that.
Or, as in Columbine, they show up, hide behind their cars until the shooting stops and most of the wounded have bled to death, and only then charge in and take control of the situation.