RUMOR ON WALLSTREET: Bin Laden Captured

KOH-AM 780 ^ | 8-20-03 | John Sanchez

[Atlas Sneezed]

Our local financial reporter just attributed today's stock market gains to a rumor sweeping Wall Street that Osama Bin Laden has just been captured.

ONLY A RUMOR! (But you heard it here first.)

[AngryJawa]

...and if OBL died of kidney problems, that's fine by me as well. 8^)

[SierraWasp]

I absolutely agree with your view!!!

[AngryJawa]

"I absolutely agree with your view!!!"

Maybe your tinfoil beanie is on a little too tight as well!

[woofie]

You didnt get the memo?...a good day on Wall Street means the economy is going to hell(and its all Bush's fault)

[#3Fan]

I still don't understand why so many people believe that OBL waited around at Tora Bora for our forces to come bomb him. He's a cowardly terrorist. It just makes no sense to me.

I'd imagine he felt safer in his mountain base than out fleeing across the countryside. I don't think we should imagine that the Tora Bora base was just one mountain with one cave. It was probably extensive, too extensive to bomb the whole thing. Once we began engaging Al Qaida there, clues would've popped up to his location and we sent in a big one to bury him. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it until we see his next top ten video, which I don't think will ever happen. :^)

[Coop]

The "tin-foiler" in me thinks thak our spooks are happy to maintain that piece of fiction for a couple of reasons.

Oh, I wouldn't call it fiction. :-) I think the Administration does benefit by OBL being alive, despite all the criticism that results from it.

[SierraWasp]

Maybe... but I see tons of clever logic in such a tactic and firmly believe it's been implemented!

[Petruchio]

I bet the hogs ain't none too happy about the situation either!

[Hatteras]

Bin Laden will never be captured....... alive, anyway.

[l33+h4x0r]

Why the sarcasm? Surely you've seen plenty of posters here using that argument about the WMD.

[D. Brian Carter]

OBL is dead.

[hispanarepublicana]

As a PR professional, I guess I should just use my paltry budget to fly up to NYC and start a rumor about Saddam or Bin Laden using my product. Word seems to get around very effectively up there at times (remember the "Ronald Reagan is Dead" rumor?)

[esoteric]

Okay, this post wins the "make me laugh aloud in the public library" award.

[Conspiracy Guy]

They don't like him a bit they stay upwind.

[putupon]

[putupon]

that pig is hugh

[OXENinFLA]

That's actualy two differant pigs.

Here's what they did to the uhhh... "winner"

Hakka people in Taiwan touch and admire a slaughtered giant black pig, the 960-kg (2,116 pound) winner of the 'Pigs of God' contest, at a sacrificial ceremony in Yimin Temple in Taiwan's Hsinchu county, August 17, 2003. The animal was one of about 30 pigs that were killed as part of a traditional ritual to worship the ancestors of the Hakka people. Animal rights groups have criticized the religious practice, in which the pigs are castrated at a young age and force-fed to increase their weight before being slaughtered for the celebrations, and have called on Taiwan President Chen Shui-bian to stop it. REUTERS/Simon Kwong

[OXENinFLA]

I think the one on the left of the 2 is the one that won.

[Conspiracy Guy]

Read #42. I haven't turned him in yet.

[mabelkitty]

He's dead.
Notice the Chain of Command is now, "And OBL's Executive Assistant sent communication via email to Al-Jezeera today warning of more threats...."