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i am sure that there are some very vindictive mothers out there who do try, and succeed, to impoverish the father. it is unfortunate that grown men and women can't get over themselves long enough to negotiate reasonable support.

It's only possible to be reasonable with reasonable people. My frustration is not aimed at my ex-wife per se, because she is who she is. My anger is aimed at the family law system, which takes a bad situation and makes it unbearable. I'm a responsible father, and have never been one day late on payment...or visitation...for over 11 years. If I told you about my experiences, you'd think I was exaggerating.

>>It's only possible to be reasonable with reasonable people. My frustration is not aimed at my ex-wife per se, because she is who she is. My anger is aimed at the family law system, which takes a bad situation and makes it unbearable. I'm a responsible father, and have never been one day late on payment...or visitation...for over 11 years. If I told you about my experiences, you'd think I was exaggerating.<<

That is EXACTLY my take on the whole thing. Every word of that statement would be true of my situation as well.

Unfortunately, our story is beyond just common - it's epidemic - and our culture is most definitely just STARTING to pay the price.

unfortunately, exaggeration tends to be unneccessary regarding the vindictiveness of ex-spouses.

although i sometimes sound like a bitter feminazi, i believe the same things when the roles are reversed, and the father has custody of the children. my brother is in this situation. he has not received a dime in child support in 6 years for his 2 sons. his ex can work full time, but won't, and hiring a lawyer doesn't make sense because all the money he'd spend on the lawyer can better be used for food, clothing, etc. there's no sense in spending a few thousand to get a couple hundred dollars a month. it would take several years to recoup the lawyers' fees.

what me and my ex eventually did was put our differences aside for the good of our daughter. i took the initiative and that was probably one of the hardest things i've ever done. what i found is that he finally became willing to contribute and participate when my attitude changed to one of reasonableness and willingness. i changed from being the heavy handed dictator to a sort of "facilitator". instead of telling him how it was going to be i requested his help in decision making and made him a part of the process. he now understands that he can, and does, play an important role in our daughter's life, and he is now much more willing to contribute financially. considering the pain and financial hardships of the past, what is most amazing is that his current wife and i are now friends and "partners" in raising zoe. in fact, my fiance, my ex, his wife, and zoe and i are a team. we consider ourselves to be a blended family and we have gotten together for dinner and family meetings.

i don't think any of us has ever had it so good. growing up sucks sometimes, but the payoff is definitely worth it.

it was sooooooooo hard to shove that much of my own ego aside and work on relationships with them. maybe that's why i sound so unsympathetic, because i know that doing the seemingly impossible can often be accomplished.

i hope you have a great day and that your ex someday becomes reasonable.