[isthisnickcool]

Soldier #1: You're using coconuts!
Howard Dean: What?
Soldier #1: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
Howard Dean: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through--
Soldier #1: Where'd you get the coconuts?
Howard Dean: We found them.
Soldier #1: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
Howard Dean: What do you mean?
Soldier #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
Howard Dean: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
Soldier #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Howard Dean: Not at all. They could be carried.
Soldier #1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
Howard Dean: It could grip it by the husk!
Soldier #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
Howard Dean: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Howard Dean from the Court of Camelot is here?
Soldier #1: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
Howard Dean: Please!
Soldier #1: Am I right?
Howard Dean: I'm not interested!
Soldier #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
Soldier #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point......

[sauropod]

Tell me again, Sir Bedevere, how you make ship's sails out of lamb's bladders...

[sirchtruth]

I can't believe at my age that skit still cracks me up.

Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a form of government, I mean you can't expect to weild extreme executive power just because some moisten bint lobs a simitar at you!
If I went around saying I was emperor just because some watery tart threw a sword at me they'd put me away!