1. Check your bags before you go to the airport so that you can be sure to remove any "dangerous cargo". If you fail to do so, it will delay you.
2. Don't be a smart aleck at the security checkpoint in airports and they will leave you alone.
3. Never leave a bag unattended in the airport, not even to step away to get coffee.
4. Whatever joke or wisecrack you have just got to share with the security people, they have already heard it 100 times and are no longer amused.
Jeez, this guy seems kinda jerky to me, even if the security guys did go overboard (especially keeping his ticket, which I find completely unacceptable under any circumstances).
5. Don't forget to breathe deeply when the Zyklon B comes out the shower heads.