There is no formula that works for everyone, and extreme positions on either side are dangerous, as in all situations. I don't recommend 'extreme courtship positions,' but I also know for a fact that you do NOT have to date a lot of people to find the person God wants you to marry. You just have to be obedient to HIS leading, wherever that takes you.
I'm sorry that you had a negative experience because you didn't date, but you need to be careful not to assume that everyone's experience will be the same as yours either.
What I have been referring to all along here (in case you didn't read all my posts), is that it is far better for teenagers not to date.......not adults. It is a dangerously sexual world for young people, and it's best for high school kids not to get into one on one situations with a date that could lead to disastrous consequences.
And in no case did I say that one should never go on a date. I think you may have misread my position. However, our own four children (23, 21, 19 and 16) have all opted not to date on a regular basis, and my husband and I have strongly encouraged that decision.
You're assuming that it is predestined. My understanding of it, both scriptural and experiential, leaves substantial room for free will. I've seen people walk away from what seemed to be *obvious* divine setups, and suffer for it. Yet the "dumped" party eventually married someone else -- was that predestined before the earth was created? I don't think so.
My point is that you don't need to date a lot of women/men to find the one that God wants you to have as a life partner.
Sometimes you do. Sometimes it takes a diligent, targeted effort to locate potential partners -- especially in major metropolitian areas where the Christians are few and far between. Some guys just won't find a mate unless they visit other churches, join Christian dating services, troll the Christian internet sites, and take lots of different Christian women to dinner -- and keep it up until something clicks with somebody. Courtship advocates sternly discourage that sort of effort, of course. Yet, none of them could tell me an alternative.
...in no case did I say that one should never go on a date. I think you may have misread my position.
Since you advocated "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", I made that assumption. If the author had limited the book's scope to teenagers, it wouldn't be all that bad, but he didn't -- and a lot of adult singles ditched dating at his word, without having an alternative path to the altar...
However, our own four children (23, 21, 19 and 16) have all opted not to date on a regular basis
How, exactly, do you define that basis? If you mean, your kids don't have a compulsive need to go out with someone, anyone, every weekend, I wholeheartedly agree. If one doesn't know anyone potentially worth pursing, going out with anyone just for the sake of going out is ridiculous, sexually dangerous, and expensive.
Sadly, a lot of Christian women seem to have the idea that they have a "right" to be taken out regularly, and if no Christian man asks them out, they'll date nonbelievers (and if challenged, will indignantly defend that decision thus: "They're the only ones asking!" -- which, often isn't even the truth!). Meanwhile, the Christian guys, for the most part, have the faith to *sit at home* Friday and Saturday nights rather than be in a spiritually unequal dating situation. Ugh. Bad memories...
But "not dating on a regular basis", is a big, big difference from "not dating at all", which is the "offical" courtship party line.