Sharing the Blame for Fatherless Kids

CNSNews.com ^ | June 11, 2003 | Linda Chavez

[Centurion2000]

Who's responsible for the burgeoning rate of fatherless families?

Women's liberation and feminism have destroyed more families than ANYTHING ELSE.

[MEGoody]

"85% of the time she'll get custody and a large part of her former husbands takehome pay."

My mother was awarded custody of us kids, but dad had visitation. He never bothered to take advantage of that. Mom was also awarded child support, but Dad never paid a dime. We kids didn't get gifts or cards from him either. We got a couple of letters right after the split, but that was the end of it.

There are both mothers and fathers out there who don't do right by their kids. We can blame the courts all we want, but it's up to the parents (both of them) to do the right thing.

[MEGoody]

"Children are so often used as tools by manipulative women"

Yes, and by men too.

[TheCrusader]

"Take away the welfare and the forced child support, and you'd see a lot of irresponsible young women suddenly figuring out how not to get pregnant."

Amen. This generation has found a way to blame men for this societal ill, and paint women out as "victims". Truth is, that if women kept their knees together like most of them used to do until marriage, the problem would disappear. With women flaunting their bodies and making themselves sexually available today, with impunity, naturally men will run around like dogs chasing them. But there is equal, (or greater) responsibility on women to set the moral tone of the relationship, and to set the national tone of morality. It's just human nature; women make themselves easily sexually available, men will take advantage. Women return to thier dignity and morality, and men will follow. And their men will respect them more too.

[cjshapi]

Yes, the woman was manipulative and probably a whole host of other nasty skanky things. But the blunt question of "How about puttin a sock on that thing?" keeps running through my mind. Both parties should be responsible for birth control.

[MEGoody]

"irresponsible young women suddenly figuring out how not to get pregnant."

It takes an irresponsible young woman AND an irresponsible young man to produce a child.

[TheCrusader]

"He never bothered to take advantage of that. Mom was also awarded child support, but Dad never paid a dime."

This is one account, and no doubt there are many more like it. But the truth is that most men are decent human beings and truly want to be good fathers, this is human nature. But I also know that once a woman dumps her husband and gains custody of the children, it becomes very hard for the father to see his children. He may have some half-baked Court "visitation" right, (which are quite unenforcable anyway), but when his ex-wife tells him the kids are sick, or they are busy, or they don't want to see him, or the host of other manipulative ways they use to discourage the father's efforts, (including just being mean and offensive to him), it becomes almost impossible. As for me, being a member of a Father's Group I can say with all truth and sincerity that many, many wonderful fathers are out there fighting like mad just to see their chidren, and they are being fought tooth and nail by their ex-wives to prevent this. Face the facts ladies, when the wife dumps the husband and gets the kids, the home, the car, and part of his income, she usually doesn't want him around, and she will do whatever it takes to make him disappear. Including lying and using the children, whether it harms them or not.

[TheCrusader]

"Yes, and by men too."

You have to take this argument nationally; and since women get custody in 90% of all divorce cases, it's just ridiculous to claim that men are somehow using the kids agaisnt the ex-wife or girlfriend. It's just not happening.

[TheCrusader]

"It takes an irresponsible young woman AND an irresponsible young man to produce a child.

This sounds good, but it's bunk. Human nature is simple in this regard. When the female makes herself sexually available to her boyfriend, he will respond --- in all honesty, what else can he do, refuse her? Right. Face it ladies, if you start acting morally your boyfriends will follow your lead; and there will be a hidden benefit for you too. Your boyfriends will start truly respecting you for who you are.

[TheCrusader]

"Both parties should be responsible for birth control."

Replies like this one really highlite the problem. The loose morals of today's females is aboslutely glaring. They think birth control is the answer to this national crisis, and not a return to morality. Birth control is used today more than any other period in American history, and it does no good. Besides, most of the fatherless children are from divorced homes anyway --- so much for the birth-control argument.

[MEGoody]

"When the female makes herself sexually available to her boyfriend, he will respond.

Meaning both are acting irresponsibly.

You act as though men are just bags of hormones and have no ability to think of the consequences of their actions or have any self-control.

If this were all that made up a man, fathers would not be so important.

[MEGoody]

"it's just ridiculous to claim that men are somehow using the kids agaisnt the ex-wife or girlfriend. It's just not happening."

Maybe not as much (although that is a debateable point), it does happen.

[MEGoody]

"But the truth is that most men are decent human beings and truly want to be good fathers."

I would agree with this. I also believe most women want to be good mothers.

[Stand Watch Listen]

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[bert]

There is another very inmportant factor.....grandmothers.

Many encourage daughters to bear children that are abondened or forced onto the grandmother who collects all the various benefits. The matriarch controls the money and thus the collection of kids produced by the various daughters.

Kid are a cash crop.

[bert]

....AND an irresponsible young man to produce a child....

In the feral inner city society, the young man has no say in the matter. He is offered free sex and encouraged to produce a child for which he is but one of several sperm donors. The resultant bastard is the source of funds for the extended family of the mother....aka the village.

[TheCrusader]

"You act as though men are just bags of hormones and have no ability to think of the consequences of their actions or have any self-control."

Not really. Men will typically follow the woman's lead in morality...nowhere in history can we find a society of easy women, making themselves sexually available like they do today, and the men have pushed them aside and not taken advantage of the situtation. It's just human nature, for whatever reason you want to assign it, women set the tone of the relationship. They do today with sexual freedom, and they did yesterday with sexual abstinance till marriage. Is there responsibility for the guys? Sure there is. But if we are looking for real answers, and not just silly arguments, the return of morality and principles has to occur before anything will ever change. When women change, men will follow. I don't think it's plausable that we will ever see an America where our females are running around making themselves sexually available to young men, and the young men are all saying "No.. go away from me". The young men will always chase after the sex relation, and it's up to the young women to say, "no, not until there is a ring on my finger". This not only makes the young woman more desirable and respected by the young man, it brings back the foundation of a strong, principled society. It worked before, and it can work to save our society again. It's called morals, remember them?

[leadpencil1]

From today's Wall Street Journal

Move Over, Mom. Research Suggests
Dad's Role Sometimes Matters More

For decades, mothers have been the target of reams of guilt-inducing child-development studies dissecting their every move, right down to how their moods will shape their babies as adults.

Now, researchers are training their microscopes on fathers at last, with some compelling results. Not only do dads' interactions with their infants and toddlers influence the way kids relate later to other people and the world at large, but fathers' influence in some realms is even more powerful than moms'.

The research is fueled by mounting world-wide interest in the contribution fathers make when they are present in the home, says James Levine, director of the Fatherhood Project at the Families & Work Institute, New York. It's also aided by $6.1 million in Bush administration funding for studies on promoting healthy marriages and responsible fatherhood; another $200 million is proposed for research and pilot projects in pending welfare-reform legislation.

As Father's Day approaches, here's the latest on what it takes to be a good dad:

Sensitive play: Using a new yardstick they developed to evaluate a parent's play with a child, researchers at the University of Regensburg, Munich, Germany, found that children whose fathers played with them in a sensitive, supportive and challenging way at age two tended to form closer, more trusting relationships with others at ages 10 and 16.

In a 16-year study of 44 families reported at a Society for Research in Child Development meeting in April, the six researchers, including Karin and Klaus Grossmann, assigned high scores to fathers who talk to a child in a way he can understand, stimulate and encourage the toddler, make appealing suggestions for play and refrain from criticism.

The quality of dads' play, the researchers found, ranks right up there with the strength of the mother-infant bond in predicting children's ability later in life to form enduring relationships with others. When the children reached age 16, fathers' play proved even more powerfully predictive than the mother-child bond. Indeed, dads' play makes "a pivotal and unique contribution" to kids' growth, the study says.

"It's pretty remarkable" that researchers are nailing down such data, says Isaac Farbowitz, 26, a Teaneck, N.J., father of a two-year-old boy, when told of the research. Many of his habits as a dad already hew to the findings. He encourages his son Eric to experiment within safe limits. He allows him to choose what color swing he uses and which dinner he has from a range of choices. "I love getting on the floor and playing with him," he says. "I try to strike a balance between teaching and having fun."

A warm, loving bond: Researchers have long known that attachment -- the warmth, closeness and trustworthiness of a baby's bonds with primary adults -- is crucial to the ability to form healthy relationships. But only recently have studies begun to tease apart how the impact of fathers' attachment to their babies and toddlers differs from mothers.'

In a study of 68 children at ages five and nine, Karine Verschueren and Alfons Marcoen at Catholic University, Leuven, Belgium, found that the quality of a child's bond with his or her father at age five has an even bigger effect in some realms of development than the mother bond. Children who were less attached to their fathers at age five were more anxious and withdrawn and less self-confident at age nine. They were less likely to be warmly accepted by their peer group and well-adjusted at school, based on teacher and peer reports. An insecure attachment to the mother, on the other hand, predicted a lower sense of self-worth and less ability to form close, one-on-one relationships.


Researchers also are pinpointing some risk factors for fathers:

Working long hours: Dads who work long hours tend to spend less time with their kids. This may seem obvious, but the same effect doesn't show up for mothers, says the University of Maryland's Sandra Hofferth, co-author of a broad study of fathers in various family types. Long-hours moms still manage to spend the same amount of time with their children as those who work less hours, perhaps because moms who work part time are so distracted by housework and other duties.

How many hours are too many for dads to work? There's no cutoff; rather, the effects grow steadily as hours at work grow, says the study of 2,531 children, published in February in the Journal of Marriage and Family.

The long-hours issue is an uphill struggle for young dads in today's tough economy. Among the fathers Scott White works with, the most common concern is, "am I spending the appropriate amount of time" to be a good dad? he says. A New York investment banker, Mr. White, 29, read Dr. Seuss books aloud to his daughter when she was still in the womb. Now that she's six months old, Mr. White races home by 9 p.m. so he can read to her before she goes to sleep, then goes back to work at home again for a couple of hours.

Making a lot of money: No, you didn't read this wrong; Dads who have higher incomes spend less time engaged in activities with their children, Dr. Hofferth's study found -- even when the results are adjusted to eliminate the effects of long hours. Of course, the money comes in handy for providing education and other benefits. Also, these big-bucks dads do tend to be warmer and more affectionate with their kids when they are around.

[cjshapi]

So men only want to have sex because women have loose morals? Give me a break. I am not advocating couples having sex like wild bunnies. I'm talking about personal responsibility. And that does not apply to just men.

Frankly I agree with what this article states. I just don't agree with your stance that men can't control their own actions.

[RooRoobird14]

In my family of brain-dead liberals there are five females counting me and my mom. My mentally handicapped sister and I are the only females in the family who think having a mother AND a father raise a child is better than being a single mother.

Sister Number 1: married and divorced three times; all of her kids dropped out of high school, one actually managed to make something of her life at age 23--other two are still floundering around in their early 20's.

Sister Number 2: Mentally handicapped, never married

Sister Number 3: Fooled around on her husband (had two kids with him first) got pregnant by another man while still married to #1, married husband #2 who has been unemployed for 8 years. Oldest son dropped out of high school, eventually got his GED but still can't drive at age 25 because of a drunk driving accident 3 years ago. Oldest daughter made it through high school, has had one abortion already. Next oldest daughter is on probation for assaulting her parents and grandparents, spent a month in jail for the assaults, has been sexually active, running away and doing drugs since age 14. Youngest daugher is 8 years old, and I pray for her little soul every single day.

Sister #4: Married an abusive mean guy, made two babies with him. Divorced for 20 years now and still bitter. Son dropped out of high school but eventually got his diploma. Daughter miraculously is a good student at a university but has the same "I hate men and George" Bush hostile attitude as her mother.

Me: I'm a right wing wackoe who's "had it too easy" (according to my sisters) because I married a good Catholic man who's faithful, loving and is a good provider. Don't know how our 15 year old daughter will ultimately turn out, but so far she's a good kid who loves God, respects adults, and hasn't gotten into drugs, sex, or alcohol.

Yes, I agree--it's women (especially those with an attitude......) who are largely responsible for the false and WRONG notion that a single mom can raise a child just as well as two parents can!!!