[Xthe17th]

You've probably already seen or heard some of these, but here they all are again in a single post. Feel free to add to the collection.

[Mad Dawgg]

P. J. O'Rourke Bump

P.J.'s Books ar awesome.

[Pastor of Muppets]

I was given these in e-mail recently. I accept neither credit nor blame for originating them:

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Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: By shooting the soldier pushing it.

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Q: Why does the new French Navy have glass-bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy....

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Q: How can you recognize a French veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits.

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Q: What is a Frenchman with a sheep and a goat under each arm?
A: Bisexual.

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Q: The French have just ordered a new national flag.
A: It's a white cross on a white background

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Q: Where do you find 60million French jokes?
A: In France.

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Q: How many gears in a French tank?
A: Six: five reverse and one forward, in case they are attacked from behind.

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Something to ponder:
You are the President of the United States. Scientists have
discovered a meteor that is headed towards the earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in 2 days, at approximately 2:30 A.M. The meteor is large enough to completely wipe France from the face of the earth forever. France and the United Nations have requested that the United States send all available ships and aircraft to help evacuate the country. Among the ships and planes you could be sending are many that are being used to fight the war on terror overseas.

As the President, you must decide. Do you :

A. Stay up late on the night of the impact to watch the coverage live?

or

B. Tape it and watch it in the morning?

[SAMWolf]

From the Department of Homeland Security:
What to do if terror strikes and you are French



1. Get in a fetal position and begin crying. That is all.

[RnMomof7]

BUMP

[P.O.E.]

Bogart: "I remember Paris perfectly. You wore blue, the Germans wore grey"

[merak]

I hate to say it, but I'm starting to dislike these people. At this point, if I'm in a treestand with a 14-point buck standing 40 yards away, a frog sitting next to the buck, and one cartridge in the rifle, I'm not sure I wouldn't shoot the frog just on general principles...

[SAMWolf]

France can prove Iraq has weapons of mass destuction.

They kept the receipts.

[mollynme]

Here's France's military record: (from this article.)

Gallic Wars: The French not only lost … they lost to an Italian.

Hundred Years’ War: Although they kinda/sorta mostly lost, they were saved by Joan of Arc (a female schizophrenic), who by accident created the First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars: France became the first and only country in history to lose not just one but TWO wars against Italians.

Wars of Religion: France was 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years’ War: Although not technically a principal, they did manage to get invaded anyway. Amusingly, they claim a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring them.

War of Devolution: Tied.

Dutch War: Tied.

War of the Augsburg League: Lost, claimed tie.

King William's War: Lost, claimed tie.

French and Indian War: Lost, claimed tie.

Three ties in a row caused some deluded folks to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession: Lost.

American In a Scribean foreshadow of the future, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw way more action.

This is eventually known as "de Gaulle Syndrome."

It also establishes the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

Napoleonic Wars: Lost.

Franco-Prussian War: Lost.

World War I: Tied and on the way to losing. France was saved by the United States.

World War II: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain.

War in Indochina: Lost.

Algerian Rebellion: Lost. The first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades. It gave birth to the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of Italian, Russian, German, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux Warfare.

War on Terrorism: France has surrendered to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.