Forget About France. . .

There is a joke going around that France is going to change her Tricolor flag. She is going to remove the blue and red parts, leaving only the white.

In fairness, however, the French are not waving the white flag of surrender today. They are standing in defiance—not defiance of Iraqi tyrant Saddam Hussein, or Islamic terrorists, but of America and American interests.

In the days following Colin Powell’s masterful presentation at the United Nations Security Council detailing Saddam’s efforts to develop and conceal murderous weapons, the French cobbled together two ad hoc alliances to obstruct the United States’ taking the necessary step of disarming the Iraqi dictator through military force.

First, they solicited the support of Germany, Russia and China for a fatuous proposal to expand and extend failed UN weapons inspections in Iraq—in lieu of decisive military action. Secondly, with backing from Belgium and Germany, they resisted the request of NATO ally Turkey to comply with their NATO obligation to provide Turkey with defensive aid against possible Iraqi attacks.

It does not matter that France voted in November for unanimous UN Security Council Resolution 1441, giving Saddam a “final opportunity” to disarm or face “serious consequences.” As President Bush said last week, “The UN Security Council’s got to make up its mind, soon, as to whether or not its words mean anything.”

Apparently, the French have made up theirs. At this point, their word does not mean anything—not to their old friend the United States, not to their NATO ally Turkey, not when solemnized in the UN.

There are deep ironies here, of course. NATO and the UN are, in essence, international alliances forged from the experiences of World Wars I and II, where American soldiers fought and died to preserve France.

Certainly, America owed France much for sending us Lafayette and deGrasse to help overthrow the British monarchy. But that debt was more than repaid in the Argonne Forest and at Normandy. Between the U.S. and France now there is only one consideration: national interest.

There are many guesses why French President Jacques Chirac, and his foreign minister, Dominique de Villepin, believe it is in their interest to pursue an anti-American policy. They could be currying favor with anti-American Arab regimes. They could be worried about the sentiments of a growing Islamic bloc within their own country. The CIA says 5% to 10% of the French population is now Muslim. (Zaccharias Moussaoui, accused co-conspirator in the 9/11 attacks, is a French Muslim.)

Or it could be that as a weak power that would lose to California or Virginia in a war (both states are home port for more and better aircraft carriers), France is acting out a national inferiority complex.

To be sure, France has a right to resist and oppose America. But we also have a right to remember they did—and this time we should.

Next time the French need their chestnuts pulled from the fire it either will or will not be in our interest to do it. If not: Hard cheese, Jacques.

The great French miiitary discovery of World War 2 was the realization that victory could be attained as a "free rider". The validity of this strategy was confirmed by the results of the Cold War, in which France appeared, once again, in the lists of the victors simply because it bordered on Britain and the rest of Europe.

In the days immediately before D-Day, General de Gaulle insisted on knowing the full extent and details of the allied plans, despite the fact that he was a mendicant upon them. Britain and the US kept him in the dark, a fact which he subsequently resented. In August of 1944, de Gaulle ordered the 2nd French Division to insubordinately detach itself from the 3rd Army and move on Paris. Tne Liberation of Paris imposed such a delay and logistical drain on Allied Forces that it prevented them from finishing off the German forces in the West. They escaped through the Falaise Gap and had to be met again in Holland and the Bulge. One could legitimately argue that the French cost the US 100,000 extra casualties and left Eastern Europe to the Germans.

But France knew that Europe would be liberated despite their antics and they would reap the benefits. We could not cut them out then; we could not cut them out during the Cold War, despite their withdrawal from NATO and footsie playing with the Russians (especially during the Vietnam War); and we cannot cut them out of the peace that will follow victory in the war on terror.

Chirac knows better than most that future Parisiennes will sleep safe on American graves; that the City of Light shall be ever the more lustrous in the afterglow of the hellish light and fire which Americans will have to endure. The screams of the wounded never come to them in their dreams, for those dreams are too full of themselves and of France. The bitterness of war will never creep into their wine, which will be offered to their conquerors yet sold at extortionate rates to whichever soldier is unforunate enough to stand guard over their glorious selves.

There's an old British saying that goes: "the hardest cross to bear is the Cross of Lorraine".

WHO NEEDS THE FRENCH?

French Military History in a Nutshell Currently making the rounds in the military community:

The Complete Military History of France

- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

- Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.

- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War - Tied.

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Muslims and the Germans just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France
collapses?"

Final Conclusion: "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

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