Posted on 02/03/2003 6:13:20 PM PST by softengine
A recent story floating around the variety section of a newspaper I still read occasionally reminded me of a conversation I had with a college girlfriend about six months ago. She's a pretty woman – slender, petite, well-educated and intelligent. She has an excellent, high-paying job and even owns her own house.
She is, in short, the epitome of feminist success. And yet, she is profoundly disappointed with her life. She has, in her own words, continued to stumble upwards while somehow missing out on the only thing she truly wanted – a husband and a family.
Nor is she alone, in anecdotal or statistical terms. Not only do the majority of women who were in our college social circle remain unmarried, but according Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, author of "Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman," a 30-something woman is three times more likely to be unmarried than her 1970's counterpart. While some might argue that this is a good thing, most demographics experts would disagree, as would, it appears, an awful lot of those 30-something single women.
While Whitehead correctly identifies the general problem, she is as clueless as the next feminist as to how to go about solving it. Instead of recommending that individuals change the one thing within their power – namely, their behavior – she advocates altering the entire system of courtship. Given this typically fascistic feminist approach, I am, of course, shocked that her six 30-something daughters and nieces all remain available.
But, as I told my friend, the root of the problem is that the kind of man she wants is precisely the man who is smart enough to stay away from her. Smart, educated women aren't willing to date down on the social scale, so the higher they rise, the more they cut down on their available pool of men. Furthermore, the smarter a man is, the more he is likely to realize that being romantically involved with an intelligent, educated, upper-middle-class American woman steeped in 20 years of feminist indoctrination is about as desirable as being flayed alive and rolled in salt.
Consider the premarital professions of the women in my social circle, all of whom are now stay-at-home moms happily married to intelligent, successful men: Farmgirl. Nanny. Teacher. Office manager. Nanny. Pipeline worker. Professional student. Church volunteer. That's eight quality men who won't be marrying a high-powered career girl right there.
The advice I gave my friend was succinct: In any given dating situation, think about what your instincts are telling you – then do the opposite. It's like football … if the run is getting stuffed, then throw the darn ball.
So, in the unlikely event there happens to be a 30-something single woman reading this, here are a few pointers which might be helpful while you wait for Ms. Dafoe Whitehead and company to change the dating culture:
1. Your rights are delineated in the Constitution. Everything else is a privilege.
2. Your family has to put up with you. For everyone else, it's optional.
3. Southern belles always get what they want. Watch and learn, grasshopper.
4. Sex as an incentive is fair enough. Using its deprivation as a punishment will backfire hideously.
5. Mocking your man in public creates a no-win situation. He can either slice and dice you verbally, which is no fun for you, or keep his mouth shut and look like an idiot. In the case of the latter, it doesn't mean that you've won, or that he's forgotten.
6. Men love happy women. Act happy and you may discover how to be happy.
7. If there's a doubt, choose the most optimistic interpretation. That's what he meant.
8. Honey, honey, honey – a thousand times honey. Never vinegar.
9. Conflict is not passion. It isn't any fun, either.
10. Limit yourself to five complaints and demands a day. If you're not counting, you're over the limit.
11. If no one ever taught you the traditional arts, find an older woman to be your mentor.
12. Your feelings and objectively verifiable facts may be different. Learn to distinguish between them.
Now, I'm not saying that applying these principles to your dating scene will turn frogs into princes or anything, but they will get you in the game. And if all else fails, just tell your next first date that you're thinking of quitting your job and returning to your former career as an aerobics instructor. He'll be intrigued, trust me.
*belch* Where's mah BEER, wo-man?!?
Yes, I agree. Kind of reminds one of... Michael Douglas, Hugh Hefner, Larry King, Donald Trump..... that expectation of entitlement. Unfortunately for the successful women, men have to jump through more difficult hoops than just stand there and look gorgeous. But financially successful women, like financially successful men, do demand more.
We're a little overweight. We don't live in the right neighborhood. In short, we're not PERFECT, so they snub their noses at us
Yeah, kind of what a lot of women say about the demands from men. Except now men are adding that they want her to ditch the diploma. So hard to please....
Yes, I see clearly that you are a naturally happy man. How fortunate for you :-).
Are those really the sorts of men women go for? If I were a female, I certainly wouldn't find them attractive. And every one of them seems to have married someone (some multiple times) who was either dumb as a stump, only wanted them for their money, or both. (Well, Ivana's kinda cool...)
Yeah, kind of what a lot of women say about the demands from men.
Hey, I never denied that it works both ways. But the fact is women control the market. The men are the ones that have to do the courting and face constant rejection. All the woman has to do is (figuratively or otherwise) walk into a bar and sit down, and at least she'll get attention, even if she never meets the right guy there.
Except now men are adding that they want her to ditch the diploma. So hard to please....
I certainly don't.
A piece of wood.
Well, there's someone for everyone. The female versions of the men I listed would include Joan Collins, Liza Minelli, Liz Taylor, Cher, and so on.... All the woman has to do is (figuratively or otherwise) walk into a bar and sit down, and at least she'll get attention, even if she never meets the right guy there.
? Isn't this about meeting the right person which is not likely going to happen in a bar?
I'm agreeing with you... financially successful people, be they men or women, can have tough standards. Maybe both need to be a lot less restrictive about what they are looking for or be content with being single (which is a place where I think many are and that's fine, too).
Well, now you really have asked for the blow-torch!!! But I'm not going to flame you...
Because you're right.
There is a distinct difference between a girl and a woman (a question of physical maturity), as is the difference between a woman and a lady, a question of class and wisdom.
Being well-educated, intelligent and possessing a mid-level management job does NOT elevate one beyond the "dumb-as-a-stump" crowd... What DOES elevate a woman from this crowd, is a sense of wisdom... And with wisdom comes power... NOT force-fed feminism (any more than affirmative action makes an underqualified doctor with a skin-color other than white suddenly MORE qualified to perform brain-surgery).
That women don't see the harm such niave assumptions do them...? Demonstrates their continued stead, within that "dumb-as-a-stump" crowd...
Ugh... And it matters little, how many toads you kiss in that crowd... After you kiss them (either with or without saying "I do" first)...? They'll still be toads...
It's about a p*ss-poor attitude... That's the truth...
Well, as long as the lady doesn't have a room full of those sappy-a** Precious Moments figurines, I think I can handle it.
Because cyborg, like most Freepers, many Americans, and myself, choose not to participate in Oyrish neo-paganism, hg, or espouse the values inherent in it.
Sounds like a good niche for conservative women: go where you have a competitive advantage for your type of guy
That's the big problem for 30-something career women. A man who has any interest in being married is likely to have been snatched up before 30. To take advantage of the biggest selection, it seems the best solution is to pick one out in your college years and get married then.
Now you have got me curious: where the HECK do you work?!?
In my household, the arraingement is that things happen my way, if I feel strongly about it. The net effect is that I don't push it, and let her have her way most of the time. It works out, and keeps arguments to a minimum
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