Social Contract
Edited for your enjoyment by Richard B. Boddie
(original author unknown)
Between, YOU, an individual and The Omnipotent United States Government:
WHEREAS, I wish to reside on the North American continent, and WHEREAS, the United States of America's Government controls the geographical area of the continent on which I wish to reside, and WHEREAS, tacit or implied contracts are vague and therefore unenforceable,
I hereby agree to the following specific terms and conditions:
SECTION 1: I will surrender a percentage of my property to the Government. The actual percentage will be determined by that Government and will be subject to change at any time. The actual amount to be surrendered may be based upon my income, the value of my honestly acquired property, the value of my purchases, or any other criteria that the Government so chooses. To aid the Government in determining the percentage, I will apply for a Government identification number that I will use in all my major financial transactions (as well as for many other unnamed uses).
SECTION 2: Should the Government demand it, I will surrender my personal liberty for an unspecified period of time to be determined solely by the government, but typically no shorter than two years. During that time, I will serve the Government in any way it chooses, including military service in which I may be called upon to sacrifice my life.
SECTION 3: I will limit my behavior as demanded by the Government. I will only consume those drugs permitted by the Government. I will limit my sexual activities to those permitted by the Government. I will forsake any religious beliefs that conflict with the Government's determination of propriety. More limits may be imposed at any time, at the sole discretion of the Government.
SECTION 4: In consideration for the above, the Government will permit me to find employment, subject to limits that will be determined by it, not me. These limits may restrict my choice of career or the wages I may or may not accept.
SECTION 5: The Government will permit me to reside in the area of North America that it controls. Also, the Government will permit me to speak freely, but subject to limits determined by the Government's Congress and its Supreme Court at any given time.
SECTION 6: The Government will attempt to protect my life as well as my claim to the property it has allowed me to keep. I agree not to hold the Government liable if it fails to protect me or my property.
SECTION 7: The Government will offer various services to me. The nature and extent of these services will be determined by the Government and are subject to change at any time.
SECTION 8: The Government will determine whether I may vote for certain Government officials or not. The influence of said vote will vary inversely with the number of voters voting at a given election, and I understand that it typically will be minuscule at best. And I also agree to not hold any elected Government officials liable for acting against my best interests or for breaking any of their promises, even if those promises actually in fact motivated me to vote for him or her.
SECTION 9: I agree that the Government may hold me fully liable if I fail to abide by any of the above terms and conditions, while it shall be held harmless whenever it fails to abide by its obligations in this agreement. In the event that I fail to abide by any provisions herein, the Government may confiscate any property that I have not already previously surrendered to it, and may imprison me for a period of time to be determined by it. And I further agree that the Government may alter the terms of this contract at any time, and in its discretion, may even kill me for any breach of these conditions that it alone has determined that I have caused.
________________________L.S.
___________________ My Signature Date
_________________________L.S.
___________________ ________________ Governmental Official's Title Date Signature