Real sorry to hear that, partner. Your post makes it sound like you're teetering on the edge of doing something real dumb or self-destructive. Before you can do anything about your problem, you've got to pull yourself back away from that brink. Consider the following
There are three signs of impending death that most doctors are ignorant of.
One sign is when you've lost your ability to learn.
Another sign is when you've lost your sense of adventure.
And the final sign is when you've lost your sense of humor.
Think about it. It don't make no sense to go out with your guns blazing at...well...er...nothing. Revenge doesn't come out of the barrel of a gun, it comes out of your brain. A calm cool rational and disciplined (but maniacal) brain.
But the first step is to lighten up and laugh a little, we can save the tar and feathering of the SOB's 'til later.
Good luck,
Boot Hill
Nah. I really don't have the energy - nor the inclination - so don't worry.
...signs of impending death...
The major cause of death in males in the US is stress. Only within the past 6 months have I understood this at a personal visceral level. So for the past 2.5 months I have been 'pro-actively relaxing' and catching up on all the sleep I've lost over the past decade - so don't worry.
This is obviously not conducive to productivity / profitability - but then neither is death.
..when you've lost your ability to learn...
Did you know that Bundt Cakes didn't exist until the 1960s?
Learned that yesterday. (I thought Betsy Ross invented 'em)
... when you've lost your sense of adventure...
This coming week I'll replace the radiator - then beeline for the mountains. I've camped / backpacked in the winter before - and nearly froze to death. Ya just need the appropriate clothing (which I have), I REALLY need the break.
...And the final sign is when you've lost your sense of humor....
My dad always used to say: 'There ain't no use in complaining - because half the folks don't care, and the other half figure that you got it coming to you anyway...'
...Revenge....comes of your brain. A calm cool rational and disciplined (but maniacal) brain....
I don't want revenge - I just want to fix my country so that I can live a sane, peaceful, free, happy life. This does not seem possible in the current context. I just want to be left alone to be a productive person - but I am now terrorized by my government.
...we can save the tar and feathering of the SOB's 'til later....
I have heard this for decades - nevertheless, let me know when it's time.