Replies

Donahue

Phil Donahue.....Darrell Hammond
Michael Moore.....Jeff Richards

[ open on "Donahue" show on MSNBC ]

[ dissolve to Phil Donahue in his studio, with SUPER: "Is Liberalism Dead?" ]

Phil Donahue: Good evening. Well, the midterm elections have come and gone! And, let's be honest here - it was a huge win for Republicans. The economy may be in shambles, but our president had the answer: "Let's invade Iraq!" And, ohhhh booooyy, did we bite! No debate! no dissent! It was "Rally 'round the flag, boys, in my country, right or wrong, and I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, and mom and dad and apple pie, and Tippecanoe and Tyler, too, and we're the toughest kid on the block, and I see London, I see France, and milk, milk, lemonade, the other side's where fudge comes out!" And, meanwhile.. our seniors are eating paper towels.. because they can't afford prescription drugs! More kids were shot in our schools last year than all the schools in Spain, and tonight 4% of of our fellow Americans.. are.. in.. prison. Michael Moore is with us!

Michael Moore: Hi, Phil.

Phil Donahue: He's a best-selling author, political activist and filmmaker, whose most recent work is "Bowling For Columbine". Michael, you saw the election results. Americans are moving to the right! And they want us liberals to just shut up and stop spoiling all the fun!

Michael Moore: I don't know about that..

Phil Donahue: I mean, we are the ants of the picnic. We are the rain on the parade. We are the you-know-what in the punchbowl.

Michael Moore: Not true!

Phil Donahue: Ohhh, let's face it - we're one huge bummer! Phil Donahue, that peace intellectualist.

Michael Moore: Nobody thinks that!

Phil Donahue: And Michael Moore, the scruffy, unwashed, sweatyy, overweight rabble-rouser. I mean, people just don't like us much.

Michael Moore: I don't know.. I think people like me.. and.. and, for the record, I.. I do bathe..

Phil Donahue: Of course, you do! Of course, you do! How often?

Michael Moore: Uh.. it varies, uh.. about every ten days or so.. But, this election..

Phil Donahue: Its just a shower? Or a bath? Or..?

Michael Moore: A Mexican shower.

Phil Donahue: And, for our viewers, a Mexian shower is?

Michael Moore: Uh.. I stand over the sink and wash my face and armpits, uh.. But, about last week's election - you had..

Phil Donahue: And after your Mexican shower, do you put on clean clothes, or the dirty clothes you had on.

Michael Moore: The clothes I had on.

Phil Donahue: Uh-huh. And do you ever wash your clothes?

Michael Moore: Well, uh.. every year or so, I go up another size and I get new clothes, so I.. I never really have to.

Phil Donahue: I see.

Michael Moore: But, Phil, I don't think the American people care about our hygiene. They came to hear our ideas..

Phil Donahue: Alright, then, let me show you a very disturbing statistic. These are the three lowest rated shows on prime-time cable. Do we have that? [ graphic of ratings appears ] And, sadly, here we are, this show, the second lowest rated, with slightly more viewers than "Eye Surgery with Dr. Elliot Ladell", but still less than "The Black Israelites".

Michael Moore: Wow..

Phil Donahue: And, for our viewers, I should point out that this show is actually less than the margin of error in the ratings system itself!

Michael Moore: Thank God.

Phil Donahue: In other words, there is no real evidence that anyone watches this show! Not enough one person! And that tells me that Americans have heard the progressive message, and they're.. just.. not.. buying. [snip]

Imagine the outrage if a republican or conservative commentator spoke of taking a "Mexican Shower". The Lott fiasco would seem tame by comparrison to the outrage that would have been directed at the republican making that comment.

And personally, I prefer taking Puerto Rican showers.

Phil Donahue: And Michael Moore, the scruffy, unwashed, sweatyy, overweight rabble-rouser. I mean, people just don't like us much.

What? Dona-who? was actually right about something? Stop the presses!

Did this actually air, anywhere?

I'm still laughing.

LOL