Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

The Onion ^ | December 25, 2002 issue | The Onion Staff

[TontoKowalski]

I haven't heard the name "Chester" for years. I like it! The nickname "Chet" is extremely cool, too.

Chet is a good solid name that would work for a doctor, or a judge, or a quarterback, or businessman.

[FUMETTI]

The name is not really weird IMHO, as it is more a LITTLE USED name more than a "weird" name.

You correctly point out the great men named Chester, including a president.

I always think it is honorable to pass on a "family" name or a name that was originally a name of an ancestor or surname of a family line.

On the other hand, to name a kid Tyler or Dylan and have no Tyler or Dylan ancestral lines is frivolous and meaningless.

[TontoKowalski]

By the way, Algore's ancestors were slaveowners and that was interesting considering he tried to paint Bush as a racist.

Well, some of my ancestors were slaveowners, so I can't fault Algore for having the ancestors he does. It's of no consequence, though, as I can certainly fault him for innumerable other things.

[FUMETTI]

You are right on that point, Tonto! Cannot argue there!

[dbwz]

White Americans tend to invent new names.

It looks to me like white Americans tend to take their names from soap operas.

[EllaMinnow]

I love the name Chester. I bet your son's a cool kid!

[FUMETTI]

I knew there were some parameters to the naming of kids ... some cannot be obscene...or offensive. The French really seem to recycle the same old name...and that is perhaps because it is a Catholic country where it tradition demanded kids be named after saints...that is why they always have more than enought Francois, Antoine, Marie, Stephanie, Michel, Jean(ne) and Mathieu.

[TontoKowalski]

I always think it is honorable to pass on a "family" name or a name that was originally a name of an ancestor or surname of a family line.

Recurring names in a family tree are a wonderful thing. My father's given name is "Willis" and my grandmother and grandfather couldn't remember how they came up with the name, and they attached no consequence to the choice, other than they liked it. Yet, when we traced our family tree (my dad's dad's side), the name came up time and time again through the generations, all the way back to the 1500's (I think that was the timeframe) when the first of the family landed in South Carolina.

They must have known on some level, whether they realized it or not.

[FUMETTI]

I think that is terrific, as it signifies a respect and admiration of one's forebears. One does not have to live in the past (one should always make their own mark), but it is great that you chose a name that is SIGNIFICANT to you and the family you are obviously so proud of.

You are so right, as it is a special thing to give a child, a sense of their own personal history within a family. I have a middle name (Thomas) that was used in our family in a direct line (my grandfather broke the chain as he was named Ernest...gulp...but his brother was named Thomas) from 1803 to myself. '

I always wonder why people thought it was awful to name their kids with the applellation "Jr., III, IV" as it is almost dynastical, almost serenely royal and gives one a sense of lineal background.

[Moonmad27]

I had an uncle Austin who was born around 1910. Always thought it was a nice name. I knew a girl in elementary school in the 60's named Dallas (but then again, there were a dozen Debras). Come to think of it, back then there was a Fifi in the class too - never have met another by that name!

[Amelia]

Another thought: did American black children have weird names in the 1800's? At the turn of the 20th century? Heck, even the 50's and 60's? If not, where and when did the naming of black children with these weird names get their start?

As a genealogist, I haven't found a LOT of difference between black & white names in the 1800s or early 1900s. Some of the slave names tended toward classical Greek or Roman names, more so than those of the whites - Cicero and Cato were fairly common, for instance, as slave names.

I'd guess the odd black names started with Afrocentrism, right after the civil rights movement.

[Polybius]

It turns out that "Camerone" is the French corruption of the town's real name which was "Cameron" meaning "Shrimp-(singular)"

Unless named for someone whose name was derived from a seafood-related activity, I wouldn't think a village would have had the name of a shrimp in the singular usage, unless there's an idiomatic reference either similar to or possibly very different from the one in English. It was a very small village.

Ooops. Typo on my part in that sentence: "Camaron", not "Cameron".

Actually, the Spaniards did have a habit of giving names from nature to their geographical points and communities: Anguila (Eel), Tortola (Dove), Tortuga (Turtle), Culebra (Snake), Caiman (Cayman), Boca Raton (Mouse Inlet), Punta Camaron (Shrimp Point), etc.

La Ceiba, the third largest city in Honduras, is named after a tropical tree.

[Uncle Meat]

It can be very difficult to correctly pronounce a list of Black student names in today's schools.

An old boss of mine claimed he went to school with a blackkid whose real name was spelled"Shithead"but was pronounced"shi-they".

[ErnBatavia]

Don't forget Urethra Franklin!

[ErnBatavia]

On the other hand, to name a kid Tyler or Dylan and have no Tyler or Dylan ancestral lines is frivolous and meaningless.

Well said! .... and the same goes for that recent (dying, I hope) trend of trying to duplicate the roster of the Last Supper.

[TontoKowalski]

...trend of trying to duplicate the roster of the Last Supper.

Please elaborate. The trend you're speaking of hasn't come up in this nearly-500-post thread, and I can't figure out what it is exactly that you mean.

Do you not like Biblical names... Matthew, Andrew, James, John, Peter...? I'm not too wild about Judas, myself.

[Alkhin]

Personally, I prefer the name PEREGRIN.

Look the name up. Its not as unusual as you think.

[VOA]

Re your post #389 - That was my reaction as well.

Thank you...but for folks in the forum...as well as to make full explaination to
as any visitors, e.g., from DU (Democratic Undergroundz)...

I was being constructive in my posting...NOT racist.

As an white fellow who grew up in flyover country, got to move to Southern California
(at a major research university) and has traveled A LOT, I offer this reason why
IF I ever get married, I will probably take a bride from one of the Asian countries.

BECAUSE:
1. Just noticing the work ethic of the Asians (immigrant and multi-generational Asian-Americans)
that I come in contact with here in Southern California...especially the ones
who escaped from the Communist takeover of Vietnam (e.g., from Orange County, CA)

2.An epiphany experienced on a bus in the Twin Cities (Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN) during
a visit to an academic laboratory at the University of Minnesota a couple of years ago.
I noticed three ladies (age 25-35, I would guess) with a single child they had with them
during the bus ride...

a. the "white" mother was sitting there with her child...staring off into the
"Great White North" of winter time Minnesota...they didn't hardly say a word
during this 20-minute bus ride...

b. the "African-American" mother was sitting with her hyper-active child who was
running up and down the aisle of the bus...Mom was staring off into space and doing
NOTHING to encourage the child to not block the aisle so that other passengers could
make their entrace/exit of the bus without concern over stepping into a child...

AND (drumroll, Maestro,)

C. an Asian-American lady, who was sitting with her child and working through some
mathematics drills.

Which type of female of the human species would I take for a wife, with the hope
of raising happy, intelligent, productive citizens...?

I won't even answer that...I'll leave the members/lurkers of this forum
to decide THEIR OWN answer to that question...using their own brains (and not speaking their
answer aloud and taking a bunch
of flames for liberal folks who have been sheltered by the resources of a trust fund.

OK, call me a racist...but I've noticed a number of similar situations
here in even ultra-liberal and hyper-tolerant Southern California that confirm
the conclusions I made on that bus in cold Minneapolis a couple of years ago...

I'm talking CULTURAL problems...I come from a Christian cultural background and
fully embrace the idea that humanity is "one flesh"...but I can't shut
off my brain from noticing that certain ethnic groups in the USA have made decisions
about their general level of how much they will "strive" to be successful and
good citizens in this country...
NO MATTER where they came from, when they or their forebearors got here, or what
sort of mindless prejudice they encountered here.

[BenLurkin]

BOYS:
Durango
Silverado
Ranger
Blazer

GIRLS:
Tacoma
Sierra
Sonoma
Frontier

These don't make the final cut:
Avalanche
Tundra