Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

The Onion ^ | December 25, 2002 issue | The Onion Staff

[summer]

I appreciate your post #414, even if some people may intertret what you wrote (and the information you described) as evidence of "bias." Words have connotations and so do sounds.

The developments in FL that want buyers always have names like "Falling Waters" or "Port [something]" or "Creek [whatever]." People want to live near water.

No real estate developer with at least half a brain is ever going to name a ritzy real estate development something like: "Enchilada Estates" -- no matter how many people may like to eat enchiladas.

[summer]

intertret = interpret

[summer]

RE your post # 415 - Very interesting. I also agree with an earlier poster that many of those traditional African names are quite beautiful, and it is a shame that some black parents appear to prefer to invent a first name from a product (the infamous "LaTissue").

[Kenny Bunk]

THOU ART APTLY NAMED, IF THAT WAS A QUESTION.

[Trickyguy]

My father, who is 71, swears he grew up with a Silver Pigg,
a Eure Pigg, and a Eulabee Rich. Years later, I read in the
paper where a Silver Pigg (Jr.) had been arrested. He was
telling me the truth.

[sandydipper]

Your writtings betray your lack of education and contribution to illiterate children.

[summer]

Sorry, you lost me. Are you complaining about my typing?

[FUMETTI]

I absolutely hate the names Tyler and Madison. If one is not descended from families of this surname, it sounds silly and tawdry. Tyler IMHO sounds like a puppet name. Madison is worst. Why name a girl after an avenue?

Parents should consider good STRONG names like Robert, Michael, William, Daniel and Richard. Women's names like Mary, Sharon, Sheila, and Susan...all are strong and studies show they will succeed when parents who give dumb trendy names will fail.

If a racist boss has a list of resumes and sees "William Jones," "Henry Zuckerman" and "Tanshkida'da Moore," guess whose resume will be chucked in the trash? That is right. I believe there is more to a name than meets the eye.

[dogbyte12]

That is an excellent point. Real Estate Developers, store owners know that they are selling themselves to the public with their names.

It is the same thing with people. If all you have is a piece of paper, the person's name is the first thing popping out at you. You, in effect, are selling your name as attractive to somebody who hires you. Thankfully, that is just one minor component of how you get hired, but it does matter.

The one test parents should make before giving their kid a name, is to ask themselves if they can see Candi or Latrina whatever being the name of the President or a CEO.

We are not the only ones with the bias. Teachers will think Latrina and LaTrey and Brandi are flakes. They won't take them seriously. That does have real world consequences.

A wonderful study could be done, like the Minnesota study on twins who were given up for adoption and split up at birth. Yes, they are very similar. I would bet my last dollar though, that the twin with the "better" name as a rule ended up more financially successful.

[rwfromkansas]

I do think I would have run into these names if they were so common...lol. But, I don't think everyone here is lying either.

BTW, are you the same AppyPappy that I think posted on Presbyworld? I seem to recall that name.

[summer]

But, when I get out of college and into the classroom, I will have a hard enough time trying to match the name to a kid. Trying to determine the pronunciation of a name will not make it any easier!

LOL...that's for sure. Also, consider a teacher like a PE teacher, music teacher or art teacher in an elementary school, as that teacher sees all 1,000+ (one thousand-plus) students in such a school. Those teachers often take one look at the class lists -- and then forget about ever trying to learn the students' names because there's just too many students they see. Then, on top of that, consider the difficulty of some of these names today....whew.

[IowaHawk]

What's in a name? Let's say you have a 5-year old kid, and you are picking a school for them.

In school #1, the kindergarten class has John, Mary, Elizabeth, Will, Robert, Sara, Amy, Michael, Tom, Molly and Kevin.

In school #2, the kindergarten class has Dacota, La'shwandrea, Dametrius, Makenzi, Shawwntaviouse, Branddi, Kamerran, Cheyenne, Kellsee, Kwentinio and Monnntanna.

[FUMETTI]

"Another thought: did American black children have weird names in the 1800's?"

Most names in the mid 1800s were classical Greek named like Marcellus, Lucius, Julius, Horace, or Hercules.

I have some ancestors named after famous people; many were also named after local preachers or civic leaders or even the doctors who delivered the babies.

John and Mary always prevailed, but the prevalence of OLD Testement names like Ebenezer, Sarah, and so on...as a rebellion against Catholic/Church of England names like Michael, Matthew, and Luke.

However, by the late 1800s, that era of Classical/American hero namecalling ended.

[advocate10]

I have always liked "Tsunami Bidet" as a girl's name.

[FUMETTI]

What is with naming kids after Indian tribes? I know punk rocker Siouxsie Sioux was the only person to benefit from that appellation (LOL).

[sneakypete]

What,little "Chlamydia-Lexus" didn't make the list?

[Kenny Bunk]

That be "Batunis." Be like a code, is what I'm saying.

[Betteboop]

ROTFLMAO--with tears in my eyes!!!

[summer]

RE your post #429 - Thanks for your thoughtful reply.

In fact, I once knew a couple who backed out of a real estate deal because they so disliked the NAME OF THE STREET where their dream house was located: "Burnt Sienna Drive."

[summer]

RE your post #435 - Yeah, whatever happened to her and the Banshees (her band)?