Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

The Onion ^ | December 25, 2002 issue | The Onion Staff

[peteram]

There is a black Weather Chick on CNN named Orlon Sydney

What about that newsbabe named Willow Bay?
Sounds like a vacation spot. A place to go camping and fishing.

[TontoKowalski]

I think that black people truly want to honor their heritage, which I'm all for. Like you, I think that some of the authentic African names are beautiful, and that they have a certain panache. I don't know why those aren't chosen, instead of made-up names.

Sort of off-subject, but once I was in charge of selecting the menu for a military installation. We had a special meal honoring Black History Month. In the past the menu had consisted of fried chicken, hamhocks, turnip greens, fresh watermelon, and so forth. I thought those were stereotypes, and not appropriate. Instead, I took quite a bit of time to research authentic dishes from Morroco, Kenya, Congo, and I also included some Carribean dishes.

It was a complete and total flop. I believe in giving the people what they want, so the next year we went back to the turnip greens.

I'm a white Southerner by birth, and we had greens, black-eyed peas, cornbread, etc. all the time when I was growing up. I'm not sure how all that became "black" food.

[Revolting cat!]

I dunno, I've always liked Emmenthal and Chardonnay!

[Servant of the Nine]

A school teacher pal of mine had a brother and sister from the same family in his class. They are Orangello and Lemonjello, pronounced Or-ANG-ja-lo and Le-MON-ja-lo.

Right

That is a joke from a Dan Jenkins novel that has become urban legend.

So9

[Mamzelle]

Dacron! LOL! You forgot "Placenta"...

[MilspecRob]

Well summer, Trying to stay with the lighter part of this thread, I have known the following “dancers” (strippers) Candy, Randy, Danie, Bambi, Mandy, and , no kidding Viagra. However I think most were stage names. Well one was not. All were “Americans, i.e., white” and three were serving US Navy personal.

[wardaddy]

I hope you were named Opie.

Black and white country Southern food aside from dishes like carp or gar are virtually identicle.

[Mamzelle]

Cameron is a scottish name. But how tired I get of "Tiffany" and "Macy"! Girls as stores.

[Amelia]

I'm a white Southerner by birth, and we had greens, black-eyed peas, cornbread, etc. all the time when I was growing up. I'm not sure how all that became "black" food.

White Southerner as well, and I was a little bit surprised to find I'd been raised on "soul food".

[Servant of the Nine]

"Dooley"

And don't forget "Chevy"

So9

[csvset]

..and three were serving US Navy personal.

Servicing or serving as?

[TontoKowalski]

White Southerner as well, and I was a little bit surprised to find I'd been raised on "soul food".

Hey, we were ethnic when ethnic wasn't cool. (sung in my best C/W voice)

[CounterCounterCulture]

"Alan" is a great name

Bless you dearest summer

~ Alan

P.S., you may have to do some apologizing on BET for starting this thread

P.P.S., I was thinking of naming my kids with names from different ethnic groups just for diverrrrrrrrrsity purposes...how 'bout Abdullah Akimo Gonzalez-Popanopolous for starters?

[TontoKowalski]

Now, who in their right mind would name a baby Opie Kowalski?

[wardaddy]

lol

[iconoclast]

Hee Hee. The results remind me of an old lesbian joke.

In this case, "I think I may be Asian"!

[AppyPappy]

At least I'm not dumb enough to fall for the old OrangJello story.

[Maigrey]

How about these names for nephews:
Dakota
Shannon
Cheyenne
Doesn't help that they have an uncle named Dana....

Or nieces with the names of
Melian
Kalani

[iconoclast]

Can you give me roots for this one?

Formica Dinette?

[CounterCounterCulture]

I named my female cats Sierra, Tacoma, and Tahoe (and used Dusty for my male cat, though I've seen female Dustys, Springfield for one). Not because of trucks, but on geographical aesthetics (they just have been picked up in recent years by the car manufacturers). I generally go by the -a and -o female/male endings commonly used in Spanish. Any other kind of ending, you'll just have to get a feel for which applies to males or females.