Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

Cameron is a very popular boy's name now for white American boys.

Well, I can tell you Blacks make no effort whatsoever to choose names that sound remotely American.

Asians enroll their kids using anglo names as a courtesy to white parents, so they won't feel so bad when they see the Honor Roll.

pronounced like "Antoine," often spelled "Antwan"

This latter part of your response is the way I know the name, and I have several Black male students with this name.

From an old thread on halfbakery.com. Pardon the indifferent formatting:

The Pangs Of Aphasia

Victorian novel where all the female characters are named after medical conditions and procedures.

Some suggested lines:
"Awake, Anasthaesia dearest, Awake!"

"I am afraid Listeria is feeling a little unwell after lunch, and has retired, Mr Bulstrode."

`Captain Danvers fell to his knees: "But Myopia! Can you not see what you mean to me!"'

Septicaemia's blood ran hot when Sturgess appeared at the gate.

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Mickey the Fish, Sep 12 2000

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory http://www.amazon.c...026-3121374-9746018 As we will all remember from our childhoods, there is a character in this book called Verruca Salt. [hippo]

Mrs Malaprop http://www.smithson...jan95/malaprop.html Curriculum Vitriol [reensure]

Hercules Returns .http://www.checkou...7950,915939,00.html Movie where all of the greek characters have medical names [tenhand]

The official Asterix site (in French) http://www..asterix.tm.fr/ A world full of people whose names are puns. [DrBob]

Angels & Insects http://www.amazon.c...103-7332452-1198245 A Victorian story where all the female characters are (essentially) insects: Bees, Ants, Butterflies, etc. [slacy]

Chlamydia longed to become part of him, to spread through him like an infection, an inflammation, if you will, of the pelvis and reproductive organs which, if left untreated, could cause infertility.

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mrthingy, Sep 12 2000

Sadly for Chlamydia, Gonnorrhoea had got to him first. Her unrequited love forced her to turn for comfort and solace to Colonel Syphilis, an untrustworthy cad of the first order. (thought we should even it out between the sexes!)

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frances, Sep 12 2000

Emphysema coughed politely...

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hippo, Sep 13 2000

"I seem to have forgotten the point of this entry," mused Lady Amnesia.

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DrBob, Sep 13 2000

Emphysema's poor working-class cousin Silicosis coughed politely too.

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hippo, Sep 13 2000

Lord Touchnott, bursting with good cheer, brought a bustling energy into the household that had not been the same since Anorexia had succumbed to the cruel wasting disease that had bedevilled her.

The sudden appearance of the good Lord Touchnott, hale and hearty after his long sea voyage, took Asphyxia's breath away. "My Lord," she asked with the best manners and self-possession she could muster, "how did you find the Caribbean?"

"I took a left turn at the Azores," said Lord Touchnott, displaying wit if not geographical certitude, for while the jolly lord was always willing to buck up the spirits of any of his nieces, he was too caught up in private worry over the inexplicable (to him) moodiness of his own daughter Dysmenorrhea to pay full attention.

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Uncle Nutsy, Sep 13 2000

"Urethra!!!", cried Labia, "though there is a vas deferens between the male and female species, we have managed to overcome."

Mammary popped up and uddered, "I need to get this off my chest. If ever you thought we had a chance with the men, urine big trouble. If there were any chances, you rectum. You consider yourself a cunning linguist but all you succeed in doing is pissing people off!"

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IBBen, Sep 14 2000, last modified Sep 15 2000

"Cirrhosis my dear, I think you have had a wee bit much to drink for one night..."

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Alcin, Sep 19 2000

My penile warts your herpes, My syphilitic sores, Your moenelial infection, How I miss you more and more. Your dhobi's itch, my scrumpox, Our lovely gonorrhoea, At least we were both lying when we said that we were clear. Our syphilitic kisses sealed the secret of our tryst. You gave me scrotal pustules with a quick flick of your wrist. Your trachovaginitis sent shivers down my spine. I got snail tracks in my anus when your spirochaetes met mine. Eric Idle & Graham Chapman KGB Music 1980

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thumbwax, Sep 19 2000

Has society really come to the point where when we think of diseases half the time we think of STDs? oh-well.

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salmon, Dec 14 2000

"Et tu, Laraemia?" said Colonel Glanders.

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UnaBubba, Feb 05 2001

After the proposal Hernia felt that her heart must be visibly protruding from her chest it was beating so hard. The thought that she, an orphaned parson's daughter from the shire of Milton Keynes, might be in the position as to become wife to such an august and dashing gent as Sir Vical Smear would have been ludicrous not three months prior. And yet here she was.

But, Oh! What about her sisters! She promised herself that, no matter that this might be her one chance to make such a propitious match, she would turn down the proposal unless her new husband would consent to ensure that no harm befall Katatonia and Renalfalia.

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mark_t, Feb 05 2001

"Don't forget to come back Teria," she cried, as her dear brother rode off down the driveway in an 'ackney cab to study other cultures.

"Take care of your Papa Loma!" he called cheerfully from the road.

Loma thought wistfully to herself how they had all of them succumbed to his infectious laughter.

As Loma turned back into the room she saw Erythema blushing furiously. She's probably thinking about her brief fling with the youthful Master Bation, she thought.

She had not paid any attention today to the Zosters, so full of themselves they looked as though they might burst.

"He's off to join the Legion Ella," she said to her sister.

"Don't you think the pigs have Tricky noses?" asked Ella.

Nothing Ella said ever made sense. She sat there, thinking how she had bloody little Stigmata in the palm of her hand now that her brother had left.... perfect!

On reflection,perhaps not everything was perfect; the very thought of Bulimnia made her feel sick to the stomach.

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UnaBubba, Feb 05 2001 v "Rubella! Come here!" cried Hyperthermia warmly, "Now, I here you've been a little rash. What's this about you and Major Surgery?" "But Mama, he was so handsome in his uniform!I couldn't help myself - I was all over him before I knew it". At that moment, Postule suddenly burst into the room. "Mama, it's Sam'n'Ella, they've both been sick in the hall!" "Nasty little bugs" replied Varicella, "a pox on both of them!"

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goff, Feb 06 2001

Done in reverse in Russell Hoban's "Kleinzeit," a hospital tale where all the diseases and body parts are borrowed from other fields of knowledge: "I'm not worried about your diapason. That sort of dissonance is quite a common thing, and with any luck we'll clear it up fairly soon. The hypotenuse of course is definitely skewed, but not enough to account for a 12 percent polarity ... On the other hand, the X-rays indicate that your asymptotes may be going hyperbolic."

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Of course, such a novel would have to feature an evil doppleganger who keeps imitating all the female maladies and thus discrediting their veracity and sincerity as characters. Her name? "Hysteria".

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codesushi, Oct 13 2002

Hypochondria, shirley?

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"women's suffrage? never my dear Munchausen, only by proxy!"

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"I'm glad you don't have to swallow such a bitter pill Agra", murmured Miss Sallow, casting a jaundiced eye over the assembled party.

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UnaBubba, Oct 14 2002

"Orgmentia, is that you? I hear you call - here have a tissue"

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po, Oct 14 2002

Scarlet Fever kissed his hand rashly, but Bronze John felt a headache

coming on.

In my last year of teaching in Los Angeles, I had one female student named Latrina and another named Uterina.

LOLOL!!!!
Dacron! Sinutab!!!
LOL!!!
What a great way of waking up in the morning! Thanks for the laughs!

This is really not a joke, as Asian students tend to take on American names. Americans tend to invent new names.

Americans tend to name their children with whatever names are popular on the soaps. In effect, American kids are named by soap-opera writers.

I suspect "Sinutab" might be a reference to ephedrine or pseudoephrine, a key ingredient in both allergy pills and in the manufacture of amphetamines...(?)

--Boris

They are also making fun of the products Prell (the shampoo) and Newport (the cigarette) here: "LaPrell" and "Newport" (as names of Blacks) -- but nevertheless, there are some very unique Black names of students in today's schools. It can be very difficult to correctly pronounce a list of Black student names in today's schools.

I meant to address my post #29 to "ALL."

BTW - when I was growing up, Newport was the choice of cigarettes among African Americans.

LOL....very entertaining. Thanks for posting that, boris! :)

Funny. I have an employee with a one year old son named Delason - interpretation: the last one. He was out of work recently as his new girlfriend gave birth to a daughter - they haven't named her yet, but I suspect "Oops" is on the short list.

RE your post #31 - see my post #29.

"Asian's use American names when they enroll them in school. I have no idea why."

I have a Vietnamese colleague who asked my aid in naming his new male baby. He intended to name him "Phuoc", which is a perfectly reasonable name in Vietnam (means "lucky" or "good luck"?)

I told him, "Don't name your kid 'Phuoc'! Children can be very cruel." He named him "Khoi" but he is known to the other kids by an American nickname--I forget what.

--Boris

LOL...I just had lunch with a teacher friend of mine who read the names of her Black students. She truly loves these kids, but it took her all semester to correctly pronounce their first names.

RE your post #35 - ROTFLMAO!

I used to try to be open minded about some of these names, thinking that maybe they have some roots in African culture (i.e.: common names in certain areas/countries of Africa). But after seeing this, I'm beginning to re-think my observation.

I felt the same way at one time. But, I too have been forced to rethink that.

BTW, in my school, with respect to white girls' names, we have NOT one "Sue" but several "Briannas," "Ashleys" and "Madisons."

From what several people I have hired as employees tell me later, they take American names when they come here in order to not be an outcast, or "more different" than they need to be. If the person is a young adult, they pick their own, otherwise the parents do it.